CORAL SPRINGS, FL - Yes, it’s us your friendly corona “viri” (in our world we like viri; it’s so much easier off the tongue). We were here and liked it so much that those of us who did leave are on our way back.

Most of us headed to the Upper Midwest. Boy was that fun. You should have seen the shock on everyone’s faces. Better than Halloween. They thought they had beaten us off. Silly human beings. We wreaked havoc on them and still are. You’ve no idea how much fun it is to see the death and disability we leave behind. Some fight us off but the others…oooh la la. Coughing til you’re blue in the face. Fever like a stove one day, none the next, and up we go again. Chills that make your ribs feel like someone is using them as a xylophone. And can we throw a party in your head! The pain feels like your head is being used for the ending of the 1812 overture.

We rarely rest but when we do, we get great pleasure sitting in and listening to the health professionals ponder the patient population, projecting what’s to come, and worrying where the special rooms and extra staff is going to come from. It was most uplifting to hear that a call from Montana for any available nurses anywhere in the country to come help has gone unanswered. They’re either too busy, too tired, or figuring they’ve beaten the odds but that they’ll lose eventually. Now that’s empowerment.

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Also empowering is the reality that it’s all so futile. You see, they can’t win. Only you can win it for them. We like to be fair players—up to a point, of course. Eventually, we face defeat at the hands of a vaccine. But we read the papers too, you know. It’s 12 or 18 months away and there’s that nasty little problem of distributing and vaccinating hundreds of millions of people. And convincing the dumb-dumbs who won’t take it that they should. But we will be fair.

You already know all of this. Why you are not doing it is a mystery to us but carry on. Here’s your last warning of how to defend yourselves.

*Rub-ba-dub-dub folks. Wash those hands like you were preparing for surgery. We stick to things but not like glue.

*No one in the house without a mask unless they are immediate family and were wearing a mask outside. We know of a guy who won’t see his twenty-something daughter. She parties in NYC and he’s in a high-risk group. Yes, that’s what it takes-- tough love to live.

*If you’re alone in the car or with an immediate family member, you get a pass on the mask.

*Pulling up to a drive-in window—mask on. Going shopping, wear that mask. It doesn’t matter if the store isn’t crowded. We stick around in the air; we will “jump” from one person to the next if they brush against one another. For us it’s fun; for you it’s chancy.

Remember, we’re not politicians. You’re hearing a lot of conflicting information. That’s wonderful for us. For you? Not so good. Listen to the doctors but not any doctors. Listen to the doctors whose expertise is in epidemiology. Why would you take advice on engineering from an English major? But you silly geese, some of you do.

Finally, this. There’s a new thing afoot. We’re trying to keep it quiet but as we said, we’re up for a fair fight. It’s called a corona pod. A few families get together. They are very well known to one another, and they set rules that they all agree, pinky swear, to follow. After a week or so of quarantine they then can socialize together, find safe, outdoors places they are go to together, and otherwise find ways for the families to be both safe (as can be…) and sane. Try it. You may not like it, but it’s better than playing with us.

 

Read William A. Gralnick’s recent columns for TAPinto Coral Springs:

Coral Springs: You’re On Your Own In The Pandemic

Coral Springs Doggie Found

Beware, Coral Springs, Someone is Watching your House

Coral Springs: Ever Say To Yourself, “Now I Was Sure I Parked It Here?”

Welcome Coral Springs To Sex-Trafficking

 

A resident of South Florida for more than 30 years, Bill Gralnick has written more than 900 op-eds and columns for newspapers around the country, including columns for the Brooklyn Eagle.

His latest book, found on Amazon.com, Kindle or paperback, is the coming-of-age memoir, “The War of the Itchy Balls and Other Tales from Brooklyn.”

His writings can be found on his website: williamgralnickauthor.com

 

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