That damned commercial about yogurt and the “itsy-bitsy-teenie-weenie-yellow-polka-dot-bikini” has come back for another beach season to taunt those of us yearning for a hot bod in the bikini. Every time I see it I could scream, "Stop!" Too many people are influenced by that yogurt promotion.

I hate to admit that last summer I was one of them.

I know they’re trying to make us believe that if we eat their product, we’ll end up wearing that bikini, that cute itsy bitsy yellow one, but that is a load of bull. Nice try guys, but yogurt is not exactly a miracle body sculpting food. Besides, yogurt is slimy.

The only way most women will have a bikini ready body is not by eating yogurt, but by the tried and true method known as sacrifice. The word sacrifice has a dual definition. It means doing without or doing something you don’t want to do. To get a hot bod in the bikini, sacrifice is the word that’s needed.

You sacrifice food, you sacrifice sleep to exercise; you sacrifice your present life to a regimen that is tantamount to Brad Pitt's kick-ass diet and work-out that enabled him to get that toned and muscled body for the movie, "Troy".

When Brad was asked how he did it, he was honest. He said,

“Lots of chicken, tons of watermelon, gallons of water, and eight hours a day in the  gym!"

Sign Up for E-News

You do notice he didn’t mention yogurt.

Now believe me, I would love to put on a teenie-weenie something or other where I don’t have to suck in my stomach ‘til I feel as if my organs are pressing out through my spine. One where I am not required to conveniently hold a towel or other beach-y item in front of me for jiggle camouflage when walking on the sand. But I’m realistic.

While I could possibly live on watermelon, chicken, and water for an extended period of time, there’s no way I could hit the gym for eight hours a day without dying. If it is a contest between living or wearing the bikini, living is going to win every time.

I hear stories of people who have gotten their bikini bods through “means” other than yogurt. Like drugs for instance. Oh, don’t worry I would never contemplate becoming a coke-head or using “disco dust” to curb my very healthy appetite. I’m not stupid. Besides ruining my life, drugs would probably put me in rehab with someone like Lindsay Lohan and that thought alone is enough to keep anyone clean and sober!

Then there are women who have done the timed-honored method of complete starvation. I did that one myself once. (Okay I cheated; I did have food. I lived on diet pepsi and celery for twenty-three days.) I was in a food deprived, light-headed Twilight Zone for almost a month, but I did lose eight pounds.

Unfortunately after I started eating normally, ten came back to take the place of those eight. Life’s so unfair.

The thing about commercials is that we tend to buy into the message without giving it much thought. Forget that the yogurt commercial begins airing just at the beginning of May. We, who have planned to go to the beach in early June, will actually buy the stuff truly believing that we will miraculously be able to fit into that yellow suit or something very like it, in just 4 short weeks. Let me say now that those who believe that bikini crap, are the same people who believe Donald Trump when this very wealthy person says that money is so-o-o-o not important for a happy life.

Right. Of course it isn't. I'm happy being poor.

But back to the commercial, If only we can understand that the woman in the bikini didn’t get her bod from yogurt! My guess is that she never had a real weight problem in her life!

This year, I’m not buying into the deal about eating yogurt and getting a bikini bod. I have my own plan. It took me a while but I finally found a suit that makes me look terrific and I didn’t have to eat slimy yogurt to fit into it.

The next time that commercial comes on, I’ll be ready. I’m going to run upstairs and take out my own new sexy swimsuit. It’s not itsy-bitsy, it’s definitely not polka dotted, but it is yellow.

It’s a “semi-teenie, hot and dreamy, yellow low-cut sweet  tankini…” slim suit that holds everything jiggly in for me. No sucked-in stomach, no beach towel hiding my jiggle. This suit has built-in camouflage.

The hell with yogurt, it's time for a hot-fudge brownie sundae. Want one?

© 2012 Kristen Houghton all rights reserved

Books by Kristen Houghton:

No Woman Diets Alone - There's Always a Man Behind Her Eating a Doughnut

And Then I'll Be Happy! Stop Sabotaging Your Happiness and Put Your Own Life First

Remember, Hetty? (short story Barnes and Noble)

Her NEW book, Nourishing Thoughts: The Little Book of Wise Sayings for a Positive Life will be launched in
May of 2012.