Christmas Counseling with the Kringles

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“Hello everybody.  Welcome back to the show.  Our guests today come to us all the way from the North Pole. Please welcome Mr. and Mrs. Claus. 

“Now, the Clauses may seem like a special couple, but underneath those matching red suits, he's a working guy and she's a stay-at-home wife just like many of you.  And just like any married couple, things can get a little rocky under the mistletoe from time to time, if you know what I mean. Santa, what seems to be the problem with you and the Missus?”

“Well Phil, I know I can be a tough guy to be married to, what with my crazy work schedule Christmas Eve and all the toys strewn around the house.  But I think I've done a good job keeping the reindeer out of the kitchen and making sure the elves put the toilet seat down when they use the bathroom.”

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“What do you think, Mrs. Claus?”

“It's not just Christmas Eve, Phil.  In the last month he must have been to every mall in the country.  We never see him.  And let me tell you something, those are not just little children sitting on his lap either.  I've seen more that a few moms whispering in Santa's ear what they want for Christmas!”

“I keep telling you, that's not me.  Those are imposters.”

“Oh and I suppose the guy who comes down everyone's chimney is an imposter too?”

“No, that's me.”

“Well, if you can miraculously fit down a chimney with that big belly of yours, why can't you manage to get home in time for breakfast Christmas morning?”

“Sometimes I get lost on the way back.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Why is that?”

“Because we just got you that new GPS navigation system for the reindeer last year.  

“Santa... Mrs. Claus... I think I get the picture. Mrs. Claus, it seems like you're feeling a little neglected around the holidays, is that right?”

“Maybe a little.”

“And Santa, are you feeling the pull between work pressure and family?”

“I suppose.”

“Mrs. Claus, if you could have anything you wanted for Christmas, what would it be?”

“Hmmm.  Just once, I'd like to be the one to go out in the sled Christmas Eve, stay out all night, deliver the toys and get to eat the cookies.”

“You can't do that, dear.”

“Why not?”

“Because the song is 'Santa Claus is coming to town,' not 'Mrs. Claus is coming to town!'”

“Oh I'll just put on a red suit and a fake beard. No one will know the difference. And you can stay home and wash all those elf clothes.”

“You know, it's not so easy being Santa Claus. I got to tell you, the day after Christmas is a real bummer.  Two thirds of the toys come back.  This one got an X-Box One and he wanted a Playstation 4. That one got a Barbie and she wanted a R2-D2 Robotic Droid.  It's a nightmare!”

“Oh boo-hoo.  Poor Santa.”

“Mrs. Claus.  You better not pout.  You better not cry!”

“Oh please, Phil.  Like I haven't heard that song before.”

“Mr. and Mrs. Claus, where's the love? Where's the joy?  Where's the Ho Ho Ho in your Happy Ho Ho Home? You two need to take time to stop and smell the egg nog. Let the kids be nice; you two need to get a little naughty, if you catch my snowdrift! Hey Santa, Mrs. Claus is waiting for you to hurry down the chimney tonight!”

“You know what, Phil?  You're right!  Hey honey, how about if we take off for a few days after Christmas and head down to the Bahamas for a little merry us time?”

“Oh Santa, that sounds nice.  But who's going to watch the elves?”

“Let me call Jack Frost and see if he's around.”

“Sounds good!”

“Oh, and Phil… sorry about that coal last year.”

Note: Follow Tracy on Twitter @TracyinSuburbia

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

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