Confessions of a Serial Cell Phone Killer

b7bbab8e3dcce5003c84_tracy_beckerman.jpg
b7bbab8e3dcce5003c84_tracy_beckerman.jpg

I’m a cell phone killer. I’m probably wanted in multiple states for reckless cell phone homicide. I drop them. I drown them. Blackberrys hate me. Iphones fear me. Droids tremble in my presence.

It all started with my new phone. My husband and I changed plans and we had to get two new cell phones. Because we spent so much money, the cell phone company threw in two lesser phones for our kids. My kids were overjoyed with their new phones and we were all extremely happy for five minutes until I broke my phone.

Somehow or other as I tried to use it, I broke it. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how a phone that was supposed to be so smart could allow itself to break so easily.  Fortunately it was under warranty for another ten minutes, so the phone guys agreed to replace it for free. Unfortunately, I would have to wait a week for my newer new phone, so I borrowed my daughter’s. And then I broke hers. I dropped it as she handed it to me.

Sign Up for E-News

Now the cell phone salesman had two phones to replace in less than two minutes and at least two people were very unhappy. As I tried to explain that I hadn’t dropped the phone, it had actually jumped out of my hands, I noticed that everyone in the store had begun to back away from me.

My son cradled his new cell phone. “Keep away, you cell phone killer,” he warned me. I glared at him.

The next day my son came up to me. “Mom, have you seen my new cell phone?”

“No,” I responded. “Where was the last place you saw it?”

“In the pocket of my jeans.”

I blanched. “You mean the dirty jeans I picked up off your floor and washed last night?” We both raced downstairs to the laundry room. I reached into the washing machine and pulled out a very clean, very wet, non-functioning cell phone.

“Ahhh! You killed my cell phone!” he shouted. “You’re a three-time cell phone killer!”

This was definitely not good. It’s one thing to accidentally damage one cell phone.  It’s quite another to murder three. I suspected the cell phone police would put out a warrant for my arrest.  I imagined my face on wanted posters all over the state for cell phone abuse and laundry-assisted cell phonicide.  At the very least, I suspected I would be banned from the Genius Bar at the Apple Store and lose my superior status on Snapchat.

I called my husband on our home phone. “I killed my cell phone and both of the kids’ cell phones,” I told him.

“You’re cut off,” he said. “No more cell phones for you.”

“But I need to have a cell phone,” I argued.

“We’ll get you something you can’t break.”

“What?” I asked.

He sighed. “Two cups and a string.”

 

Note: Follow Tracy on Twitter @TracyinSuburbia

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Berkeley Heights

NJ07 Student Activists to Hold Town Hall on Gun Control

April 24, 2018

In less than a week, student activists from New Jersey’s Seventh Congressional District will be holding their Town Hall for Our Lives.

The town hall will take place in the meeting room of the Union Municipal Building from 7 to 9 p.m. Both Democratic and Republican candidates running for NJ07’s seat in the House of Representatives will be in attendance. At the event, they will ...

Paint by the Pond Event to be Held at Warinanco Park

ROSELLE/ELIZABETH, NJ - Children ages 4 to 12 years old are invited by the Union County Board of Chosen Freeholders to participate in the third annual Paint by the Pond. A project that teaches families about the importance of recycling while encouraging children to paint on cardboard, creating art from materials usually thrown away.

There will also be miniature houses made with the cardboard ...

Senior Center of the Chathams Holds Community Paper Shred Saturday, April 28

Tax time is the perfect chance to de-clutter and dispose of your unwanted paper and documents safely and securely at a spring Community Shred fundraiser to be held on Saturday, April 28 from 9:00 a.m. to 12:00 p.m. at the Chatham Train Station parking lot in Chatham Borough.

All proceeds will benefit the Senior Center of the Chathams. The service is open to the public and participants do ...

Politics IS Government in Union County

April 22, 2018

After Bruce Patrson of Garwood was stopped from speaking at the Union County freeholder meeting of March 22 regarding the politics behind refusing to give the party line to a sitting freeholder I thought this brazen suppression of free speech could not go unanswered. A the the April 19 meeting I answered with these comments.

After ten years of following government in Union County I conclude ...

New Providence Borough Council to Cultivate Relationships with County Officials

April 12, 2018

NEW PROVIDENCE, NJ – Councilman Robert Robinson touted the importance of personal relationships with Union County representatives at the Monday, April 9 council meeting.

Union County Freeholders Angel Estrada and Bette Jane Kowalski attended the Street Smart campaign kick-off event prior to the meeting providing the council members with the opportunity to chat face-to-face with the two ...

Student Led #Rally4 Action to Protest Gun Violence Held Friday in Springfield

April 21, 2018

SPRINGFIELD, NJ - Fueled partially by their disappointment that students were not allowed to leave school for the nationwide student protest last month, student leaders planned a rally Friday on the nineteenth anniversary of the Columbine massacre in Colorado. At 4:30 p.m., students, parents, families, community members met at Chisholm Community Center to register voters, make ...

Student Led #Rally4 Action to Protest Gun Violence Held Friday in Springfield

April 21, 2018

SPRINGFIELD, NJ - Fueled partially by their disappointment that students were not allowed to leave school for the nationwide student protest last month, student leaders planned a rally Friday on the nineteenth anniversary of the Columbine massacre in Colorado. At 4:30 p.m., students, parents, families, community members met at Chisholm Community Center to register voters, make ...