“Hedddoooo,” I said into the phone. This is not how I normally greet people, but I was so congested I couldn’t speak and my head felt like it was stuffed into a pair of Uggs. 

“Hey Honey,” said my Mom, in a cheery mom voice. “Oh, you sound terrible!” 

“I hab da Flu,” I said, in a very uncheery voice.

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“Hold on.  Let me get Dad,” she said urgently. “I’m going to put you on speaker phone.” 

“NO!  NOB DA SPEAKER PHONE!!” I protested.  But it was too late.  I heard the click and I knew I was done for. The only thing worse than having the Flu, was talking to my parents on the speakerphone when I have the Flu.  It’s not that I don’t love to talk to them.  It’s just this speakerphone thing drives me nuts.  When they put me on the speakerphone, my mom, typically, is right next to the phone, and my dad, typically is across the room.  This means, that some people can hear each other quite clearly, and other people… not so much.

Dad: (in a tiny voice… very far away) “Hi.  How’s it going?”

Me:  “What did he say?”

Mom:  He said, ‘How’s it going?’ (shouting away from the phone).  TRACY HAS THE FLU!”

Dad:  “Oh no.  How do you feel?”

Me:  “What did he say?”

Mom:  “He said, ‘How do you feel?’” 

Me:  “Pretty bad.”

Mom:  (shouting away from the phone) “SHE SAID SHE FEELS PRETTY BAD!”

Me:  “Why are you shouting to him?  He’s in the same room as you.”

Mom:  “He can’t hear me either.”

Dad:  “I HEARD THAT!”

Mom:  “Do you have a temperature?”

Me:  “Yes.”

Dad:  “What did she say?”

Mom:  “SHE SAID SHE HAS A TEMPERATURE!”

Dad:  “Oh.”

Mom:  “You have to drink lots of liquids.”

Dad:  “Tell her to drink lots of liquids.”

Mom:  “I TOLD HER THAT!”

Me:  “What did he say?”

Mom:  “Nevermind.  Did you go to the doctor?”

Me:  “Yeah.”

Mom:  “What did he say?”

Me:  “Dad?”

Mom:  “No, THE DOCTOR!”

Dad:  “What about the doctor?”

Mom:  (away from the phone) “SHE WENT TO SEE THE DOCTOR!”

Me:  “He said I hab da Flu.”

Dad:  “What did she say?”

Mom:  “SHE SAID THE DOCTOR SAYS SHE HAS THE FLU!”

Me:  “What did he say?”

Mom:  “He said… oh forget it.”

Me:  “I’m gonna go lie down, OK?”

Dad:  “What did she say?”

Mom:  “SHE’S GOING TO LIE DOWN! That’s a good idea, honey.”

Dad:  Tell her we’ll call her tomorrow.

Me:  “What did he say?”

Mom:  “WE’LL CALL YOU TOMORROW!”

Me:  “I can’t wait.”