The Holiday Weight Gain Game

669408c13204ea4abe2a_best_a3c85e1cbf3745e71cd6_tracy_beckerman.jpg
669408c13204ea4abe2a_best_a3c85e1cbf3745e71cd6_tracy_beckerman.jpg

As someone who has gained and lost enough weight over the years to make a whole other person, I like to think I have some experience getting back in shape after the holidays.   If you are like me and you started your downward holiday trajectory with leftover Halloween candy, and kept right on going through the Thanksgiving chocolate turkeys to the Christmas party buffets and candy cane binges, then this Top 10 List of Ways to Lose Weight and Get Fit in 2017 is for you… with the disclaimer that no one in their right mind should actually follow my advice.

1.Get the Flu

True, it doesn’t feel so great while you have it, but this is a surefire way to drop about ten pounds in ten days.  I was lucky enough to come down with the flu before the holidays and I did actually lose ten pounds, which meant I could eat my way back up from Thanksgiving to New Years.  Unfortunately, I put the ten back on, plus another ten, which means I need to get sick again to break even.

Sign Up for E-News

2. Give the Flu to your Husband and Kids

Nothing kills an appetite more than the sight of all those runny noses, nasty tissues and other icky sickness symptoms.  Plus, you’ll work off extra weight running up and down the stairs to do all the extra loads of laundry generated by your sick family.  Bonus! 

3. Buy Food Your Husband Likes

Based on my theory that there is a finite amount of fat in the universe, if you want to lose some holiday weight, you have to arrange it so that it gets picked up by someone else.  So, after the New Year, I stock up on dark chocolate, chocolate covered raisons, and Haagen Dazs Vanilla Chip Ice cream so I can be assured my husband will pig out and I will get skinny.

4. Photoshop all your Pictures

OK, making yourself skinny in Photoshop is not exactly the same thing as losing weight in real life, but if you don’t ever go out in public, no one will know the difference.  Besides, if it’s good enough for the celebrities and models, it’s good enough for you!

5. Hang Out with Big People 

Another cheat.  You don’t have to diet or work out. Just stand next to people who are larger than you and you will look svelte and toned in comparison. 

6. Get Pregnant

…Then you can tell everyone you’re not fat, you’re just pregnant. Or better yet, don’t get pregnant - just tell everyone that you are.

7. Go on “Dancing with the Stars”

All the celebs that go on that show lose an average of ten to twenty pounds.  Of course, first you have to become famous, and then stop being famous, in order to get on the show.  For more on that, see my other list: Tracy’s Top Ten Ways to Become Famous, and then not be Famous, to Get on “Dancing with the Stars.”

8. Go on Vacation

The key to this one is to go to another country where you shouldn’t drink the water and then you do.  A good case of Dysentery or Montezuma’s Revenge should help you shed some of those holiday pounds!

9. If You Must Exercise, Combine it with a Fun Activity

Personally, I find that shopping discount stores on sale days is the ultimate exercise.  You can get a great upper arm workout wrestling someone for the last cute cardigan and burn some serious calories dashing to the checkout line to beat the crowds.

10. Don’t Despair if you Break Your Diet

So you fell off the wagon a week after New Years? Don’t get down on yourself.  Just think of it as getting a head start on the holiday weight gain for next year!

Note: For more Lost in Suburbia, follow Tracy on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage or on Twitter at @TracyBeckerman

 

Note: Follow Tracy on Twitter @TracyinSuburbia

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Berkeley Heights

Mike Zuko at Salem Roadhouse Cafe

February 19, 2018

Raised on a diet of The Beatles, Buddy Holly and The Doors, Michael Zuko was exposed first hand to the thrilling music of the legendary 70s NYC club scene. Zuko and the band show a skilled singer-songwriter who is backed by solid musical talent, bringing original, fresh and intelligent lyrics to the stage. A true entertainer, Mike engages the audience fully and leaves them wanting more. Mike and ...

German Language School of Morris County Raises $1,000 for Market Street Mission

February, the month of all things red and romantic with red, hearts, roses, and chocolates, is also a time to show our love of friends and community. Students from the German Language School of Morris County (www.njlearnsgerman.org and www.glsmc.org), took that lesson to heart and raised $1,000 for The Market Street Mission (www.marketstreet.org), a Morristown haven for the needy for more than ...

Kick Off for the Relay for Life of Berkeley Heights, Mountainside, New Providence & Summit 

BERKELEY HEIGHTS, NJ - There will be a Kick Off for Relay for Life on Thursday, March 1st. It will be held at the Gov. Livingston High School Cafeteria at 7pm.  The theme of Kick Off is Back TO GL - we envision a future that is cancer free. Everything you need to know about Relay for Life will be presented in an interactive setting. Relay ...

Home for Good Dog Rescue's Annual "Taste of Italy" Dinner & Tricky Tray

For the ninth consecutive year, Home for Good Dog Rescue's "Taste of Italy" Spaghetti & Meatballs Dinner and Tricky Tray returns to the Long Hill Community Center in Stirling, NJ. More than 300 guests will gather on Saturday, March 3, for a family-friendly Italian-themed dinner featuring a wealth of prize baskets, including but not limited to gift certificates, pet products and ...

Democratic Party Would Be Making a Big Mistake by Not Recognizing Colleen Mahr's Talents

February 19, 2018

Dear Editor:

Mayor Colleen Mahr has been a valuable friend to the Township of Cranford. Whether it’s offering advice and assistance during devastating flood cleanup, supporting the Mayor's Council on the Rahway River, or her insight and assistance in meeting our affordable housing obligations, Mayor Mahr is always there for Cranford.

Colleen’s fairness and integrity is ...

Colleen Mahr Is The Leader Our Party Needs

Dear Editor:

My name is Patti Murgo. I am Committeewoman in Linden’s Eighth Ward. I am a life-long  DEMOCRAT, a party activist, and a believer in what being a democrat stands for. Last week, I received a piece of literature from our municipal chairman, Nick Scutari, regarding his “plans” for the County Democratic Party if he is elected county chairman.

Mr.

No One Is More Qualified and Capable to be Our Next Democratic Committee Chair Than Colleen Mahr

Dear Editor:

Mayor Colleen Mahr has been a pillar of consistency in Union County for the last 20 years, having devoted her life to public service. There is no one more qualified and capable to lead us as our next Union County Democratic Committee Chair.

Colleen has mentored, coached and supported countless candidates running for office in Union County, all across our 21 ...

Chatham Borough Police Chief Crosson has Retired; Captain Gibbons is Acting Commander

February 12, 2018

CHATHAM, NJ - Phil Crosson Jr., who has been a member of the Chatham Borough Police Department since 1992, retired from his position as the police chief on Feb. 1.

"It came on pretty quickly," Crosson said when reached by phone on Sunday. "I was on vacation for six weeks and I bought a business. I came back for one day and retired."

According to Crosson, ...

‘Reefer Madness’ Comes to Chatham Borough Council; Cannabis Advocates Make Pitch for Chatham Marijuana Shop

February 14, 2018

CHATHAM, NJ - A group of pro-cannabis activists came to the Borough of Chatham Council meeting on Monday night and used the public commentary portion of the meeting to ask the council to support a marijuana dispensary in town.

The advocates, who say they have attended more than 80 town meetings to inform about the benefits of medical cannabis, mentioned the 1936 movie "Reefer ...

Upcoming Events

Mon, February 19

Scherman Hoffman Wildlife Sanctuary, Bernardsville

NJ Audubon: Volunteer Art Show!

Arts & Entertainment Green

Mon, February 19, 7:00 PM

Villagers Theatre, Somerset

Hairspray Auditions

Arts & Entertainment

Tue, February 20

Scherman Hoffman Wildlife Sanctuary, Bernardsville

NJ Audubon: Volunteer Art Show!

Arts & Entertainment Green

Wed, February 21

Scherman Hoffman Wildlife Sanctuary, Bernardsville

NJ Audubon: Volunteer Art Show!

Arts & Entertainment Green

Wed, February 21, 2:00 PM

New Providence Memorial Library, New Providence

The Underground Railroad Documentary

Arts & Entertainment

Thu, February 22

Scherman Hoffman Wildlife Sanctuary, Bernardsville

NJ Audubon: Volunteer Art Show!

Arts & Entertainment Green

Invest Like a Tortoise -- Not Like a Hare

Aesop’s “The Tortoise and the Hare” is a perfect metaphor for the way people go about investing their money. As you recall in the fable, the hare brags about his ability to beat the tortoise and is overly confident about winning. In the investment world, the hare is someone who thinks he or she is great at selecting “winners” and avoiding “losers.” The ...