Weighing My New Year’s Options


In the history of the world, men were built lean for speed to hunt the Wooly Mammoths and bring them home for dinner while women were created with extra fat to nurse the young. However, now that we can buy our meat in the freezer section of the supermarket, I think it’s time to change the rules. For once I wish I could enjoy my husband’s metabolism so I could park it in front of the TV, eat a pint of ice cream, a bag of potato chips, and some big hunkin’ chocolate chip cookies and not worry that it will reappear in the form of cellulite on my thighs the next day.

Sadly, though, I’m not built for hunting Wooly Mammoths, so I have to watch what I eat.  But around this time of year, my best laid plans for monitoring my junk food intake go completely and totally off the rails.

It all starts around Halloween, when the trick or treaters slow to a trickle and I still have two bags of Snickers bars left in the bin.

Sign Up for E-News

“Throw it out,” says my husband, “or you’ll eat it.”

Unfortunately my mother taught me to never waste food.  And so by mid-November I am cursing the scale as empty Snickers' wrappers taunt me from the recycle bin.

For a week I swear to lay off the junk and maybe even actually go back to the gym. But invariably I get depressed because the kick-boxing instructor who is seven months pregnant is in considerably better shape than I am, and I go home and fall off the wagon.

Then comes Thanksgiving.  Did I mention how much I love pecan pie?

And then before you can say “Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,” I am besieged by Christmas cookies, candy canes, and ginger bread houses… parties, dinners and informal gatherings… and before I know it…

BAMMMMM!  I’m twenty pounds heavier.

It’s not a surprise.  I even have a name for it. I call it “Holiday Hippo Syndrome.”

Eventually New Years rolls around (and I don’t use that word “rolls” lightly). The kids go back to school and I swear to go back to the gym and start drinking diet shakes for breakfast and lunch, and then have a sensible dinner.

All my friends are on board.  It helps to have support.  Besides, misery loves company.

“Ugh.  I’m huge,” says one friend the night before.  “I have to go on a diet.”

“Me, too,” I say. “I want to lose twenty pounds by the summer.  That’s reasonable, right?”  Oh, how I long for the days before ultra-low rise jeans which really should not be worn by anyone over the age of seventeen or plumbers.

So my friends and I gather for coffee the next day to catch up on what we ate, I mean, what we did over the holidays.  I’m dressed in my slobbiest workout gear.  The gym is literally half a mile down the road from the coffee shop.

As we order our decafs, the smell of fresh made bagels, eggs frying and bacon sizzling wafts over the counter.

We can barely look at each other as we add bagels with cream cheese to our orders.

“I’ll go back to the gym tomorrow,” I say sheepishly to my partners in crime.

They nod in agreement and we all smile knowingly.

There’s always next year.

Note: Follow Tracy on Twitter @TracyinSuburbia

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Berkeley Heights

Logic and Sensible Spending Take Priority

May 24, 2018

Logic.  It's what people use when endeavoring to complete things in the most sensible order.  Everyone knows that "logic" means sequencing events in a formulaic, predictable manner.  We learned this at a young age, as we observed Star Trek on TV and came to understand why Captain James T. Kirk relied on Spock as his first officer because his strategic plans were ...

I will draw on my experience to deliver a great future for Berkeley Heights

I am impressed with the day-to-day leadership of our Mayor and Town Council and I hope to help them continue to do great work. As I have been doing my research since deciding to run for a seat on our Town Council, I have learned a few things about all the work that has been happening in recent years.  For example, while plans for the Stratton House development were recently announced, our ...

Christopher Rinaldi for Town Council - Leadership, Judgement, Experience

My name is Christopher Rinaldi.  As a long-time member of the Republican Party, I am running in the Republican Primary on June 5th for Township Council and Republican Municipal Committee of Berkeley Heights.

As a follow-up to my Candidate Statements from the last two weeks, I would like to share with you a few areas of direct work experience garnered over the past 25 years that I believe ...

How the Holi Color Festival Came to Summit; Event Planner Shares Her Story

May 21, 2018

Back in India, Holi was a holiday observed by almost all states. The holiday would be declared at all educational institutes and offices. It's a two day spring festival also known as the festival of colors. The festival signifies the victory of good over bad, the arrival of spring with the fragrance of flowers in the air and aura of warmth and happiness.

Holi festival is the time ...

Rain Didn't Dampen Our Vision for Art in the Park

The rain did not dampen our vision for Art in the Park!! Columbia Middle School was transformed into an art paradise, filled with an array of artists whose talents are nothing short of magical! The Peppertown Park Art in the Park Committee would like to thank all of the artists who came to our very first Art in the Park event. We are in awe of your creativity and immeasurable talents! You all ...

Red Cross Shares 20 Ways to be Safe This Summer

May 24, 2018

Download free Red Cross Apps to have safety information at your fingertips

The upcoming Memorial Day holiday weekend is the unofficial start of summer when many people will begin traveling, firing up the grill, and enjoying swimming and other water-related activities. The American Red Cross wants everyone to have fun and offers 20 things people can do to be safe all summer ...

Union County Offers Free Traffic Safety Education Programs throughout the Summer

The Union County Board of Chosen Freeholders invites parents and caregivers to attend any of the upcoming Union County Police Department Traffic Safety Education programs to learn about car and bike safety equipment for children.

“As children start to spend more time outside and the summer travel season approaches, now is the time for parents and caregivers to ensure they are wearing ...

Gov. Livingston Hilltop Players Host Annual Relay Cabaret, May 31

BERKELEY HEIGHTS, NJ - The Governor Livingston Hilltop Players will be hosting their annual Relay Cabaret at 7 p.m. on Thursday, May 31 in the GL cafeteria. It is a night of songs, scenes, monologues, and dances from famous plays and musicals. We ask for donations at the door, and all funds raised will go to Relay for Life in the memory of our beloved technical director, Kenneth ...

Mindfulness Meditation Session Begins Program on Nutrition at New Providence Library

Dr. Kavita Kewalramani, a board certified Internist at K Primary Care and Medical Nutrition Center in New Providence, will start with a short mindfulness meditation session, followed by the latest research on how mindful nutrition helps to improve your health and weight. Dr. K will also share a recipe for healthy protein bites which will be sampled by the audience, and discuss her weight loss ...

Fallout Continues from Lawsuit Against Mountainside; Police Chief on Administrative Leave

May 19, 2018

MOUNTAINSIDE, NJ – Police Chief Allan Attanasio is the latest member of the police department to suffer repercussions from a complaint filed against the borough on May 11.  Attanasio, who is not named as a defendant in the lawsuit, was “placed on administrative leave,” on Thursday by Borough Administrator and former Police Chief James Debbie, said  Lt. Joseph ...

Video Shows School Board Member In Altercation With Police at Traffic Stop in South Orange

May 16, 2018

SOUTH ORANGE, NJ - South Orange Maplewood School Board Member Stephanie Lawson-Muhammad got into an altercation with a South Orange police officer who stopped her for speeding last month, in which she used profanity, complained when she was issued a ticket and called South Orange Police Chief Kyle Kroll “a skinhead cop.”

Lawson-Muhammad also appeared to suggest that she would ...

Upcoming Events

Fri, May 25, 9:30 AM

Junior League of Summit Thrift Shop, Summit

Here Comes Summer! Junior League of Summit Thrift ...

Giving Back Green

Sat, May 26, 9:00 AM

Miller-Cory House Museum, Westfield

Aunt Carrie's Attic Sale

Giving Back Other

Sat, May 26, 11:00 AM

Home For Good Dog Recue, Berkeley Heights,

Dog Adoption


Sat, May 26, 2:00 PM

New Providence

Memoir Writing Workshops @ NPML

Arts & Entertainment

Thu, May 31, 11:30 AM

Canoe Brook Country Club, Summit

Fortnightly Club Scholarship Luncheon

Food & Drink Giving Back

Thu, May 31, 1:30 PM

Coppola Ristorante, New Providence

Lunch and Learn: Dental Implants and the ...

Health & Wellness

The Evaluation of the College Search

It’s is a bizarre time of year as a college counselor as I find myself at both the beginning and end of this process.  Sophomores and juniors are excitedly and idealistically starting to consider what will be important to them in a school.  At the same time, while only separated by a year or two, my seniors have all committed within the past month to a school and have spent the ...

How to Design Your Ideal Retirement

Would you like to design your ideal retirement? Where do you begin? First of all, what does retirement mean to you? If you’re in a relationship, does retirement mean the same to you as it does to your partner? Do you know if your “ideal retirement” is affordable or just a pipe dream?

In past generations, retirement planning didn’t involve very much. You stopped work ...

Don’t Make These Three Mistakes About Social Security

Social Security has been around for decades and it’s not about to disappear. Why? Social Security is not an entitlement ("gift") that can be taken away - it’s a forced savings scheme that Americans pay into in their working years in order to secure a pension for life. Ideally, Social Security should not be your sole source of income in retirement but even comfortable ...