COLTS NECK – First, a word from America’s lousiest tipper. You may recall how state Sen. Declan O’Scanlon went on social media to out a customer at a Colts Neck restaurant who tipped only 74 cents on a $119 tab. Now, the tipper is telling the Asbury Park Press that he would have tipped even less, if that is possible. Even just a penny!  And why? The guy complains that it took up to 15 minutes before the waitress came over, even though there were no more than 20 people in the steakhouse. And he thought the service was slow, prompting the crappiest tip on Earth. Now the tipper is going after the senator, talking to lawyers about the legal recourse of having his private information posted online, viewed by thousands of people, and then having a state senator refer to him as a “jerk.” Hopefully, his lawyers don’t rely on tips.

TETERBORO – One of the many reasons why New Jersey is so darn interesting is that it seems any national news story somehow involves this state, in some way. Of course, it is now learned that global pariah Jeffrey Epstein had used Teterboro Airport as the epicenter of his globe-trotting life of luxury and sex trafficking of children, The Record reports. His fleet of private jets was stationed in Teterboro, so he can quickly move from Manhattan, to the Caribbean, to wherever the heck else, with celebrities, royals, politicians, and, of course, sex slaves as young as 14. No surprise the heart of his international jaunts was in the middle of a Jersey swamp.

NEW BRUNSWICK – There’s at least one football game this year that Rutgersis at least 99% sure to win. Before the kick-off of the season opener on Aug. 30, there will be a re-enactment, marking the famous Nov. 6, 1869 battle between Rutgers and Princeton, the first-ever collegiate game. TAPInto New Brunswick reports all the action begins at 7:15 p.m. at Rutgers Stadium, with theater students dressed like 1800s-era jocks. If things go the way they should, Rutgers should squeak this one out, 6-4. But, hey, no guarantees.

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BARNEGAT LIGHT – Unless you’ve got a nifty time machine, an “Ol’ Barney” doll is one souvenir your kids will not be bringing home from the LBI. The cartoonish toy doll that look like Barnegat Lighthouse was sold nearly 40 years ago at only ten LBI souvenir shops. They're now rare local keepsakes. But, an intrepid reporter at The Sandpaper found one and managed to track down, in rural Wisconsin, retired illustrator Bob Sebbo, who designed and handmade them with his wife over one summer in the 1980s. Sebbo says the Ol’ Barney dolls turned a profit, but making them “was such a tedious chore … I’m sure we only made a few dozen.” Makes ‘em even more collectible. 

HARRINGTON PARK – And another, much-creepier clown doll is making national news after it mysteriously landed in a woman’s backyard. The doll, a likeness of Pennywise from Stephen King’s “It,” had fake blood on its mouth and strange black writing on its forehead. The woman, 42, told NJ.com she suspects someone dropped the macabre doll from a drone; she and a companion saw it “fall from the sky.” The doll terrified her so much that she set it on fire and has slept with a knife under her pillow behind a locked bedroom door since Saturday’s bizarre incident.

PATERSON – In most towns, municipalities and school boards routinely blame each other for property tax increases. But apparently there is a lot of love in the Silk City, where the mayor has appointed the school board president as the city’s new health and human services director at $92,000 a year. Oshin Castillo is enjoying a quick ascension, as just three years ago she was a secretary in the freeholders’ office, The Record reports. She now oversees 50 employees and a budget of about $3.2 million. That pales with her responsibility to the city schools, which has a $526 million budget, 48 schools and 28,000 students.

IN THE MEDIA

NEWARK – NJ Spotlight is bidding farewell to founding editor Lee Keough, who has left the gig after nine years to pursue her next adventure. Keough was instrumental in creating the editorial foundation for the outlet’s independent, in-depth coverage of the Garden State. Most recently, she helped with the acquisition of NJ Spotlight by WNET and its resulting affiliation with NJTV News. As NJ Spotlight looks for her replacement, Keough now enjoys the title of “Editor Emeritus.” We wish her well.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

PORTHCAWL, U.K. – Sorry, no more sex in the public bathrooms. This Welsh town is installing new, $200,000 public toilets in a local park with an interesting security precaution: Weight-sensitive floors. If more than one person chooses to, let’s say, use the toilet, the stall doors automatically swing open, shoot water jets and sound high-pitched alarms if any “violent movements” are detected inside. Local lovers may need to go check out the bushes.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It simply said, “This message sent around the world.” And it was the first-ever commercial telegram, sent by The New York Times on this day in 1911, travelling more than 28,000 miles, relayed by 16 different operators, through San Francisco, the Philippines, Hong Kong, Saigon, Singapore, Bombay, Malta, Lisbon and the Azores–among other locations, in just 16.5 minutes.

WORD OF THE DAY

Miscible – [MISS-uh-bul] – adjective

Definition: Capable of being mixed

Example:  My bourbon and bitters are quite miscible with Pumpkin Spice Spam.

WIT OF THE DAY

“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” 

~ Zach Galifianakis

WEATHER IN A WORD

Sticky

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by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun