TRENTON - It's Monday morning, so let's discuss death. The state Legislature is set to vote today on physician-assisted suicide, making New Jersey the eighth state in the union that allows "aid in dying." Residents with a terminal, incurable, irreversible disease would have the legal right to decide how and when to die. This has all been a tremendous source of debate over the past six years, as you can imagine, as many religious leaders and disability advocates are worried such a law could lead to premature death, and perhaps some patients could actually outlive the diagnosis. More protections have been thrown into the bill to protect patients, and now it's up to state lawmakers to figure this all out. Delicately.

TRENTON - It's still Monday morning, so let's discuss death: of the pot bill. State lawmakers are scheduled to vote on the recreational marijuana bill today, finally, and the big, burning question is if Gov. Phil Murphy has the votes. State legislators report the governor has been working the phones furiously to arm-twist the state Legislature. Yet it remains unclear if there will be a vote to make New Jersey the 11th state to legalize, tax, and regulate recreational marijuana for adults 21 and older. (Meanwhile, 60 towns have already vowed to ban it locally.) At this point, it's become tedious to report the same story, over and over, for 18 months. Many are just praying for a resolution, one way or the other.

TRENTON - More death: Rumors of the death of the Affordable Care Act have been greatly exaggerated ever since the law was signed on March 23, 2010.  As a Presidential candidate and as a President, Donald Trump has been hanging garlic wreaths on it, trying to drive stakes through it, and doing whatever else he can to kill it. Gov. Phil Murphy is a big supporter of the so-called "ObamaCare" and has announced New Jersey is going to take control of the state's health insurance exchange so that it can give more residents access to affordable health insurance. A dozen other states and the District of Columbia already operate their own marketplaces.  NJ Spotlight explains why this is all important to you. 

ATLANTIC CITY - It's an iconic boardwalk, and apparently it's falling apart. With summer tourists on the horizon, the Casino Reinvestment Development Authority is throwing $500,000 toward emergency repairs, but thinks $50 million is desperately needed to rebuild the entire strip, the Press of Atlantic City reports. Anyone walking, running or skipping along the boardwalk is quick to note the splintering boards with holes, and other wood strips that are bulging. As no one exactly has an extra $50 million (besides, say, the Borgata), let's assume emergency repairs will continue, as needed.

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PATERSON - Fifth graders in a remedial math class apparently went gaga over their teacher's figure, not any in their textbooks. Now, the 36-year-old teacher is suing the Community Charter School for permitting sexual harassment. The Paterson Press says her lawsuit accuses students of asking her about oral sex; shoving their hands down their pants because she "aroused" them; making "hip thrusting motions" behind her, and posting an online video of her butt. She also claims the school did nothing to help, then unfairly dismissed her. School officials say they are "committed to creating a workplace ... free of harassment or discrimination." Start by telling that to a jury.

ELIZABETH - The message for students: STEM education is their future.Learn, embrace and succeed with computer technology - except when it comes to stealing your teacher's password to change grades. Some city students are in a heap of trouble for thieving their way into the school's system, while others are being accused of fiddling with attendance records. The school superintendent is vowing that consequences are "likely to be severe" for "the poor choices" these kids made, reports. Elizabeth teens are not the only ones putting their STEM education into practice in the wrong ways.  In February, four Jersey City high school students stole a teacher's password to change their grades and fix those of six friends. Damn that STEM.


ROCHESTER, N.Y. - Not only does beer taste great, it's apparently the ideal processing agent for your Super 8 movie film. That's not a negative selling point for Dogfish Head Craft Brewery, which created its "SuperEIGHT" beer after talking to the people at Kodak. (Editor's note: Kodak still exists? Reel-ly??) Dogfish apparently learned from the one or two people still employed at Kodak that heightened levels of acidity and vitamin C in certain beers are ideal as a processing agent for film. That inspired the brewery to design such a beer, with the Kodak people having plenty of time in their day to fully test it. Now the owner of Dogfish wants to be a celluloid hero, documenting his summer vacation on Super 8 film and using his beer to process it. Take a pitcher; it will last longer.


It was this day in 2014 that Girl Scout Katie Francis managed to break the record for selling cookies - managing to take orders for 18,107 boxes over a seven-week period. No clue what happened to little Katie since, but let's just assume she will soon be marketing the iPhone 11.


Crapulence - [KRAHP-yə-ləns] - noun

Definition: The discomfort that follows overindulgence in food (not a smoldering pile of excrement, as some users of the word may believe)

Example: I'm suffering from a bout of crapulence today, after eating 18,107 boxes of cookies. Damn that little Katie Francis!


"I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early."


Jack Benny



A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun