TRENTON – So, um, welcome to the Trenton Bisons?? It looks like the Triple A team of the Toronto Blue Jays is in desperate search of a home field this season, as construction is ongoing at Sahlen Field. The Buffalo News has the big scoop, saying the now-empty Arm & Hammer Park, which housed the Double-A Trenton Thunder, is very open and very available to house the Buffalo Bisons this season. You may recall the Thunder was affiliated since 2003 with the Yankees, which then yanked the plug and fled to the Somerset Patriots for its Double A needs. It remains unclear how long the Bisons would play in Trenton. It could be a month or two, or perhaps the entire season. It’s also unknown how much of a local fan base can be constructed, as the number of Buffalo sports fans in Mercer County is probably less than the number of pitchers in the Bison bull pen.

STATEWIDE – In another step toward normalcy, New Jersey is eagerly anticipating the glorious return of the salad bar. Now, before you run out for that extra helping of beets, there are still some restrictions. Salad bars are now allowed in grocery stores, convenience stores and bodegas. Yet, for some reason, salad bars still can’t open in restaurants and casinos. Let’s recklessly surmise that would generate way too much foot traffic; it’s still way too early for people to be crowding around the Jersey tomatoes and then reaching over each other for that last scoop of chickpeas.

CRESSKILL – Kill the Cresskill chickens? Well, let’s not go that far. But a resident doesn’t want her chickens to fly the coop, despite demands from town hall that she sends them elsewhere. The Record reports she has already received two summonses for “keeping live fowl in a building or enclosure on premise.” This is a clear violation of what is believed to be the borough's “Board of Health Ordinance No. 1,” which we know is important because, after all, it is No. 1. Attorneys are now involved, of course, demanding to see proof that Board of Health Ordinance No. 1 actually exists. All that is available is a Record newspaper clipping from May 1967 that indicated the town council was going to vote on the ordinance. But where is it? On Wednesday, a Superior Court judge ruled that Cresskill go find its law within 10 days.

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BRIEFING BREATHER

The chicken and the ostrich are the closest living relatives of the Tyrannosaurus rex.

FREEHOLD – Secret, back-door raises for the Monmouth County commissioners? Sounds gloriously salacious for the hometown paper. And that is why the Asbury Park Press is asking some good questions about wage bumps for the commissioners that, for some reason, didn’t exactly appear in any public documents. There were payroll increases of up to 28% for four of the five county commissioners in their first checks last January, but no public paperwork of a discussion, or minutes, or a resolution, or a vote, or whatever. The county attorney says, based on his legal expertise, the commissioners didn’t need a public resolution to give themselves raises. Hmm. So, if raises can be quietly handed out, why would any other public official in New Jersey willingly endure the public meat grinder whenever seeking even the smallest of raises?

ENGLEWOOD CLIFFS – It’s hard to be the judge and jury of all the senseless political squabbles around New Jersey, especially as we are not exactly privy to all the drama. And neither is the local media, which is why the Record is simply reporting that Councilwoman Deborah Tsabari quit her job yesterday afternoon. Why? The Democrat says she was sick and tired of all the personal attacks and bullying by Mayor Mario Kranjac.  She claims to have been harassed endlessly during her two years on the town council. The GOP mayor also sued her, claiming he was iced out of some debate about affordable housing.  In response to the councilwoman’s allegations of bullying, the mayor said she was convicted of tax charges 27 years ago, resulting in a fine. Dunno what’s really happening here but it’s clear Tsabari shouldn’t expect a tearful resolution from the mayor’s office.

STATEWIDE – For the biggest procrastinators of procrastinators, who are finally getting to this newsletter late on Sunday night, time is running out for you to finally claim your federal tax refund from 2017. It’s amazing that NJ.com even has to report this, but there are still 35,000 New Jerseyans out there who Uncle Sam owes from three tax seasons ago. The total? There’s $35.7 million sitting around, with an average of $924.  So, please, pull yourself together and file your 2017 tax return. If, by the way, you are still among the living.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

CAMDEN, AR – Wearing a badge is what L.C. “Buckshot” Smith knows best. Approaching his 92nd birthday, Smith is gaining fame as this state’s and maybe our nation’s oldest cop. “Buckshot” tells the Democrat-Gazette he has no plan to retire… ever again. He tried it for “five terribly dull months” back in 2012 after 46 years as an Ouachita County sheriff’s deputy. Then, at 82, Buckshot convinced his hometown police chief to make him the oldest rookie in this 11,000-person community. Obviously, this Camden is nothing like New Jersey’s. Four days a week, Buckshot is now the neighborhood watch coordinator, the municipal court bailiff, and he still whisks off to emergencies when a bit of grandfatherly advice is required.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

It was this day in 2012 that Facebook officially cornered all of our social media accounts, purchasing Instagram for “just” $1 billion.

WORD OF THE DAY

Morass – [məˈras] – noun

Definition: An area of muddy or boggy ground

Example: With April here, my backyard morass looks more like a Louisiana swamp.

WIT OF THE DAY

“The word 'equality' shows up too much in our founding documents for anyone to pretend it's not the American way.” 

-Martha Plimpton

BIDEN BLURB

“Ensuring equal pay is essential to advancing America's values of fairness and equity.”

-Joe Biden

WEATHER IN A WORD

Seasonable