Dear Facebook User,

As you know, we here at Facebook encourage you to share everything about yourself— birthdays, music, meals, infectious diseases . . .

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Now, with our newest feature, PMS Timeline (“PMST”) Facebook users will be able to share even more.  PMST is a calculator that tracks women’s menstrual histories from the first beginnings to right now.   We think it’s an important next step for every woman to tell the story of her happy womanhood through a scrapbook menstrual montage.

PMST lets you share your most personal life event and express how you’re feeling about it.  We know you ladies have been privately lamenting about PMS for centuries, but now we’re handing you a virtual bullhorn to complain about it!

With PMST, the world will know when you’re late, ovulating, fertile, or, have such bad cramps you want to rip out your ovaries and feed them to wild dogs.

Another added benefit of PMST:  Since women who are in frequent close contact with each other have menstrual cycles that become synchronized, Facebook users will get to live together under one gigantic virtual red tent.

It will be the biggest bitch fest known to mankind!

By clicking the “view activity” button on PMST, you’ll see every comment posted and photo shared, a month-at-a glance.  Think of it as an interactive A to Z menstrual glossary.

PMS will no longer be reserved for husbands, close friends, and family—it will also be shared by Facebook’s 800 million members!

(Sample from our pilot PMS Timeline):

RECENT STORIES

Constance Flow

OMG, this weekend twelve out-of-town guests are coming, and so is my period!  

Like * Comment * Share

1, 989, 450 people like this.

[View all 30, 567 comments]

Cara Free

I feel your pain!  I won’t be able to wear my new white linen pants to my bridal shower!

PMS Timeline isn’t out yet, but the upcoming change may give men-a-pause . . .

PMST—Make Timeline a place you’re proud to call your menstrual home.

Sincerely,

The Facebook Team

When Jersey Girl Lisa Tognola traded her job as freelance writer for that of full-time mother of three children, it didn’t take long before her writing was reduced to grocery lists, notes to school nurses excusing her kids from gym class, and e-mails to her husband reminding him to call his mother.  Daily life as a suburban mom was fraught with challenges and unexpected dangers like adult dinner groups, town hall meetings and home shopping parties.  Rather than fight her fate, this mom embraced it by unleashing her inner columnist.  Her weekly column, Main Street Musings, reflects on life in the suburbs---the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Visit her blog http://mainstreetmusingsblog.com/.  Follow her on twitter @lisatognola