Getting Our Just Desserts

e36d9f4a05e7ec7c9b65_DSC_0621.jpg
e36d9f4a05e7ec7c9b65_DSC_0621.jpg

My Aunt Jo used to say, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” She uttered that phrase any time we complained or didn’t seem grateful for something she did for us. She always expected respect be given for the respect she tendered.

I can still remember the Thanksgiving Day when we cousins, grown and with kids of our own, put her favorite saying to the test. The table was filled with the usual overabundance of holiday foods. We had just started to fill our plates with seconds when Aunt Jo jumped up from the table and scurried into the kitchen.

“I almost forgot something!” she yelled from the depths of the refrigerator.

Sign Up for E-News

What could she have forgotten? I wondered. My eyes scanned the table which was brimming with a 20-pound turkey and all the veritable fixings—stuffing with meat and without, cranberry sauce whole and jellied, three kinds of vegetables and potatoes mashed, twice-stuffed, and candied.

Before I could wager a guess, she was back. She held a small salad plate piled with some sort of white food that had a swollen, bulb-like base.

“What’s that?” my husband asked.

“This,” she said, with dramatic pause, “is anus!”

I stopped mid-bite, turkey leg in hand. The room fell under a stunned silence. Parents, grandparents, kids and cousins all exchanged wild glances.

“It’s what?” My husband choked.

“It’s anus,” she repeated, placing the plate on the table. Everyone leaned in for a closer look.

“The clerk at the store said if you cut the anus, it releases a strong scent. It’s supposed to smell like black licorice.” She broke off a piece of what by now we had figured out to be fresh anise. “Smell the anus,” she insisted. The entire table broke into hysterics. I glanced up at Aunt Jo, who looked mildly humored, but in a confused way.

My husband reached for a piece of anise and popped it into his mouth. “Mmm—best anus I’ve ever had!” Laughter exploded and our teenage son cracked up so hard that no sound came from his mouth.

“What happens if you squeeze the anus?” Someone quipped. And the jokes continued nonstop.

At this point, I was rolling on the floor, unable to take in air. Aunt Jo remained unaware, trying to ignore the nonsense going on around her. Finally, my uncle ushered her into the other room. They whispered back and forth. She nodded then blushed crimson with embarrassment.

When she returned, her high heels clicking with the determination of each step, we hurried to compose ourselves. This time, she didn’t have to say, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.” We could see it written all over her face.

“Help yourselves to the A-NISE (an’ is),” Aunt Jo announced with a deliberate purpose, “because tonight there is no pie.”

Suddenly, I remembered Aunt Jo’s second favorite phrase growing up. With shameful acceptance, I realized she was holding back the pie in order to give us what we had coming to us—we were “finally getting our just desserts.”

When Jersey Girl Lisa Tognola traded her job as freelance writer for that of full-time mother of three children, it didn’t take long before her writing was reduced to grocery lists, notes to school nurses excusing her kids from gym class, and e-mails to her husband reminding him to call his mother.  Daily life as a suburban mom was fraught with challenges and unexpected dangers like adult dinner groups, town hall meetings and home shopping parties.  Rather than fight her fate, this mom embraced it by unleashing her inner columnist.  Her monthly column, Main Street Musings, reflects on life in the suburbs—the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Visit her blog http://mainstreetmusingsblog.com/  Follow her on twitter @lisatognola

 

 

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Chatham

Upcoming Events

Carousel_image_e54353bd68f7785329f6_donate-blood

Fri, April 27, 2:00 PM

Madison Area YMCA - Kroll Conference Room, Madison

Blood Drive

Giving Back Health & Wellness Other

Sun, May 20, 2:00 PM

Chatham Township Municipal Building, Chatham

A Tour of Chatham Township and Green Village

Arts & Entertainment

A Week at the Library of The Chathams Monday, April 9 – Sunday, April 15, 2018

ESL PROGRAM ENROLLING NOW!

The program will be held on Thursdays, May 3 through June 21 – 1:30 to 2:30 pm

Registration required

For anyone wanting to improve their English language skills, we are starting our first ever ESL program.  The program will be conducted by Language Education and Resource Network (LEARN) and volunteer tutors for 8 weeks.  Further sessions may be ...

Spending More Per Pupil Doesn’t Guarantee Additional or Enhanced Success

April 20, 2018

Dear Editor:

At the April 16th Board of Education meeting, Board member Sal Arnuk stated: “I am ashamed to see the district at the bottom of the list in per-pupil spending.”  On the contrary, Board member Arnuk should be exceedingly proud of how our Board of Education is able to consistently be ranked as the top school district in our state at the cost it currently spends per ...

Financial Planning for Recent College Graduates from Chatham Wealth Management

April 20, 2018

 

It’s that time of the year when many families are excitedly getting ready to attend their children’s college graduation. Where has the time gone? It feels like just yesterday that we were dropping them off for freshman year.

Well, time does pass quickly and now would be a really good time to give your graduating children some savings and investment advice. Below are a ...