Not My Fault!

Everyone needs a good excuse now and then. For when we forget appointments. For when we skip deadlines. For when we neglect homework. For when we fail to return from lunch.

Unfortunately, a snow day in late April is not all that convincing. And Spring Fever is not really considered legitimate. And "the dog ate my homework" is just so . . . old school.

But a volcano! Now we are talking!

My wife wants to know why I didn't wash the car over the weekend. Eyjafjallajokull I tell her. They can't fly rags in from Europe. Besides, in a few days the car may be covered with ash anyway.

And then, in convincing self pity, I inform her that my last minute plan to enter the Boston Marathon was foiled as well. My connecting flight through Reykjavik was cancelled. So there is no need to exercise anymore: I might have ash allergies. Plus ash is a carcinogen, and the last thing I need right now is lung cancer. How will I be able to wash the car if I am dead?

I gotta tell you, that Eyjafjallajokull volcano has screwed up my life!

Eyjafjallajokull. It rolls off the tongue like a good sneeze.

One of the more unfortunate aspects of the Eyjafjallajokull Glacier volcano, which has given so many people a legitimate excuse to spend a long, romantic weekend at four-star airline terminals throughout the world, is the poor choice of nomenclature.

Krakatoa! Now there is a volcano you can sink your teeth into!

And over the last week I learned that volcanologists are not, as I once thought, oddly dressed geeks who glorify Mr. Spock at Star Trek Conventions.

But worst of all are the brief clearings in the ash plume, which are embarrassingly called, well, let's just call them holes in the ash.

If you listen to the news commentators, then you no doubt know there are plenty of ash clearings in Washington DC, as well as several bright rays of executive sunshine illuminating Goldman Sachs right now.

It seems to me we live in a culture of blame. When things go horribly wrong in our lives, it is vitally necessary to find the people responsible and burn them alive at the stake; whether it is a lowly rogue mortgage broker, a greedy banker, George Bush, Baraq Obama, or Justin Bieber.

But in a refreshing turn of events, there really is no one to blame for the volcano. It is perfectly acceptable to smile, shrug your shoulders and say, Eyjafjallajokull!

That is of course, if you can pronounce it.

Heck, even lawyers are idle! Under normal circumstances I would expect to see suits with hefty damages brought against Iceland for igniting a volcano without a license. But thanks to Nancy Pelosi, all the crooked villains on Wall Street, and some others I am probably forgetting, Iceland has no money.

This leaves only god, who has even a worse credit rating than Iceland.

I tell my kids that blame is just a way to divert their attention away from the underlying issue. Fix the problem I tell them. And then I let them know I am not about to change the way I dress just so they can be less embarrassed in front of their friends.

This lesson has worked pretty well. Over the weekend they proudly identified me to their acquaintances as Eyjafjallajokull, a geeky foreign exchange student who is studying volcanology in Iceland.

My younger son even saw opportunity in the dramatic clouds of ash that brought Europe to a standstill. He wanted to set up a lemonade stand in Heathrow. My wife says he knows how to turn lemons into lemonade.

Given that we use concentrate, I am not sure what she means, although I was impressed with his entrepreneurial spirit. He will make a good Wall Street scapegoat someday.

Unfortunately I had to tell him that unless the British Navy wanted to pick him up, there was no way to get there. "Why don't we sell it over the Internet?" he asked.

I like that he looks for solutions.

But he brings up a very disturbing point: the volcano has done little to disrupt email. Which means I no longer have an excuse to abandon this column on a warm spring morning and go outside to wash the car. And worse, I don't even have anyone to blame if I do.

Oh wait . . . Justin Bieber. It's all his fault! Throw him in the lava and burn him!

Honestly, I fully intended to write something pointed and entertaining today, but my dog, Eyjafjallajokull, who I am training to eat email, is stuck at Charles de Gaulle airport and . . .

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Chatham

A Week at the Library of The Chathams Monday, February 19 – Sunday, February 25, 2018

PROGRAMS AND EVENTS

By Galina Natenzon

Friends of the Library are continuing their book collection in preparation for Annual Book Sale.  Kids are off from school on Monday for Presidents’ Day – bring them to the library!  We have plenty for them to do.  For adults, Professor Licklider’s second lecture on North Korea will take place on Tuesday.  The ...

A Week at the Library of The Chathams - Monday, February 5 – Sunday, Sunday, February 11, 2018

A Week at the Library of The Chathams

Monday, February 5 – Sunday, Sunday, February 11, 2018

PROGRAMS AND EVENTS

By Galina Natenzon

Friends of the Library book collection continues.  The tax season is here, and dedicated volunteers are here to help you with you tax returns!

For information about all programs or to sign up, please call the library at 973‑635‑0603 or go to ...

Imagine a Chatham Toboggan Ride from the Top of Fairmount Avenue to Main Street

Did you know….
there was a time when Chatham kids could ice skate from downtown Chatham all the way to Florham Park? And that a toboggan ride could last from the top of Fairmount Avenue down to Main Street and beyond?

Those were the days!

This was back in the early to mid-1900s. The Passaic River meandered through grassy meadows and woods on the north side of Chatham. The marshy ...

#NoMore

February 20, 2018

To the Editor,

I told my daughter I needed to write about gun violence. Know what she told me? “Mom, be sure you’re not too polarizing. People won’t listen.” She’s right. At age eleven she’s figured out that we adults need to be reminded how to speak to one another in order to fix a problem. But I have hope and belief that we can fix that discourse in our ...

AtlantiCast

AtlantiCast: Episode 12

On this week’s episode of AtlantiCast, decade of excellence makes headlines, as Atlantic Health’s place on Fortune Magazine’s 100 Best Companies to Work For List leads off the newest episode of AtlantiCast. Also on this week’s show, check out the newest “hybrid” operating room at Morristown Medical Center and find out how Atlantic Health is helping local ...

AtlantiCast Medical Minute: Atlantic Orthopedic Institute’s Scoliosis and Spinal Deformity Center

On this episode of the AtlantiCast Medical Minute, we’ll take you inside the Atlantic Orthopedic Institute’s Scoliosis and Spinal Deformity Center, with the center’s director, Jason Lowenstein, MD.

Video Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1M7euCp86-c

AtlantiCast Episode 011

Breaking Atlantic Health System news on this week’s AtlantiCast! Plus, find out why Morristown Medical Center is one of the best hospitals in the nation when it comes to recovering from joint surgery, see the newest center for fighting brain cancer and an Atlantic Health System red-carpet premiere!

 

Mindfulness and Meditation Courses Beginning March 2018

February 20, 2018

Mindfulness and Meditation Courses Beginning March 2018

-Space is limited as classes will be small-

MADISON, NJ – In celebration of the new spring season, come experience and enjoy Mindfulness and Meditation with Wendi L. Dumbroff, MA, LPC. Dumbroff is a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in Madison, New Jersey, where she specializes in individual, family, ...