It is with great hesitation my fingers begin to type the words on this page. For the first time in my life I believe I’m experiencing what they call “writer’s block”. About a month ago, the night of my 26th birthday celebration, I rushed around trying to organize the perfect party, perfect hair, perfect make-up, and perfect outfit (All white of course)!!! It is Summer in New York after all :)
Like most young women I found myself concerned with only a few key questions:
- What’s the hottest new dance club in the Meatpacking District?
- Can I get all my friends in?
- Will I meet the love of my life tonight?
- Where can I get a slice at 5 AM?
- How am I gonna make it to work tomorrow?
Let’s just say...I nailed four out the five haha. The night consisted of good drinks, great music, a little karaoke, and dancing with my favorite partner. Naturally because my life tends to be cinematic and dramatic, it began to pour as we left the club. I personally found it extremely exhilarating and somewhat romantic. I was soaking wet, cracking up, and realized I was on the other side of my twenties, tired, and ready for bed.
By the time I finally made it home I just wanted my comfy pj’s and fluffy pillow. As I began to undress and take off my beautiful white lace corset I noticed a not so beautiful blood stain on the interior left side. In my crazy head I figured I had just danced too hard so I showered and forgot all about it. In the week that followed I continued to notice blood stains and soon realized this was not normal nor was it going away.
I called my doctor the next day to schedule a routine check-up. No sign or evidence of something serious was found. She recommended an ultrasound just to be on the safe side though. A single appointment quickly turned into an entire day and now weeks of testing. 3 mammograms, 2 ultrasounds, 1 biopsy, the longest MRI of my life, an EKG, chest X-RAY, and blood test later... it is confirmed that I have Breast Cancer.
As they gave me the news I thought surely there had been a mistake. It could not be possible that someone as young and as healthy as me could be facing such a charge. With no family history, a non-smoker, and my hyper active lifestyle the words were not penetrating into my brain. By the time I made it into the surgeon’s office at Columbia Medical and had three of the world’s premier doctors discussing a common consensus that a double-mastectomy was my best and only option, it suddenly became real.
I could feel my face begin to crumble as I sat in that ice cold room gripping my mother’s hand. All I wanted to do was stand up on that chair and scream “But it’s not fair”!!! I didn’t deserve this and couldn’t understand why I was being put through this. A single tear ran down my face as I attempted to swallow what my reality would look like in the weeks, months, and years to come.
All those prior “problems” and concerns of mine in hopes of reaching perfection seemed like a far away joke. The bigger questions that now surfaced in my mind were: What’s the next step medically? Where are the people I love most so I can tell them? How can I call God and tell him to change my stars? And how can this destiny that I have been chosen for become a voice in the future to help serve others in my same situation?
At this point I am not angry... just scared. Scared to loose my body, scared to lose my femininity, scared to lose my energy, and scared to loose my health. However, I find myself lifting it up to God and putting my faith in Him that everything WILL be alright. I am overwhelmed and overflowing with emotions when it comes to the support I have received from my friends, family, and co-workers. I can not say enough times THANK YOU to everyone who has shown me kindness, given me strength, and replaced my worrisome heart with smiles, laughing, and of course...music!!!
On a final note I will close with this:
The only thing that matters
in this world is LOVE
I know it to be true
I feel it from above
When I’m breaking down
God sends me Angel’s hugs
Delivered through friends & family
As pure as a white dove
My spirit won’t be broken
I’ll sparkle through the blood
Replace my tears with kisses
Hold my hand through the mud
Just a little kindness
Can wash away the rust
Gonna beat this thing called Cancer
I won’t let it rip me up
Perfection in the people
I’ll leave my mark through just a touch
Please come to My FUDRAISER TO CELEBRATE LIFE OCT 22, 2015 AT 6 PM AT SPACE:
To buy tickets in advance: http://bit.do/livstrong
Olivia and I met ballroom dancing at age 7 and never parted our silly ways. She's gone on to be one of the most talented dancers I know, making the top 30 of " So You Think You Can Dance", she was a 49'ers cheerleader, and has performed alongside artists such as Madonna, JLO, & Flo Rida just to name a few. But more than that, she's a hustler with a work ethic second to none. And yet, in the midst of all her projects she's a dedicated daughter, sister, and fiercely loyal friend. Her heart, her compassion, and her light know no bounds.
Olivia Summer Hutcherson