I’m having enormous difficulty processing the thousands of complicated feelings I have right now: heartbreak, despair, fear.

My mom, like other parents, already constantly worries about me. She sent me a message about the shooting and I just couldn’t stop thinking about Selene San Felice, a reporter at the Gazette, who told CNN about texting her parents under her desk. 

I pray I never have to send that text. But, as shootings become more and more frequent, it’s something that’s crossed my mind for years. Even in elementary school I had active shooter drills. Unfortunately, young adults like myself grew up preparing for active shooters. 

Sign Up for E-News

I’ve plotted escape routes from my desk as a public safety reporter at The Meridian Star. I’ve run through the list of impossible questions… ‘Could I make it to the pressroom and into the street?’ ‘If I can’t escape, should I even bother to hide (in my wide-open office) or just charge?' ‘Would the sheriff’s office (just down the street) respond in time to catch someone?’  ‘Could the EMTs I follow on the job save me in time?’ 

The resilience of the Gazette reassures me like nothing else today. I can think of nothing more comforting then waking up in the morning and holding a physical paper in my hands, of smelling the ink and hearing the rustle of the pages as they turn. That paper will be a treasure.

return to story