Love is all around, no need to waste it, but if you’d like to waste it, go ahead, join the club. So much love has been wasted on people who don’t love us back, but thank goodness it’s recyclable. So keep trying, and eventually, love will win out. If you’re still basking in the afterglow of St. Valentine’s Day, then you’re one of those romantics who understands that love doesn’t need a special day to blossom; any old time will do.

Sometimes I get my wife some flowers, and that always gets a nice reaction. To some, flowers symbolize a beautiful little life tragically cut short by a pair of garden clippers. To my cat they symbolize something to try to eat only to find out that they actually taste awful. But don’t over-analyze everything or it will eventually lose its romance. It’s enough to know that I picked you, just like someone picked this flower, and I’m confident that you’ll last longer than four days, although not without water. By the way, I read that a little vodka will keep them perky longer. That applies to both the flowers and the person you gave them to.

Remember those candy hearts with cute little phrases written on them, like “Be Mine,” or “Love You” or “Cutie Pie?” Well, the company that made them went out of business, possibly because of an uptick of hate in the world. But I believe that this is just a temporary condition, because love conquers all. I’d feel better about love’s chances if it had nuclear capability, but I’m sure everything will be fine. In fact, the candy heart factory NECCO was bought by a company who promises to deliver enough sweets for your sweet next year.

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Some of those messages were a little outdated anyway, like “Page Me,” or really outdated, like “My Favorite Triceratops.” How about updating the sentiments on those little hearts with something more relate-able to modern love? How about, “I Love You Even Though You Snore REALLY Loud?” Or, “I Thought Your Sister Was Really Hot But She Wouldn’t Give Me the Time Of Day, So I Bought a Watch, And Now I Found Time For You.” The font might need to be a little smaller, but it will be worth it to say exactly what you mean.

Is giving your lover sweets on Valentine’s Day even really a good idea? It’s the gift that says “I wouldn’t mind if you were as fat as I am.” I’d be open to getting some chocolates for Valentine’s Day, but I don’t like those expensive ones where I have to take a little bite out them to see what’s inside. I hate it when a bunch of gooey red stuff comes squirting out of a piece of chocolate that has nothing to do with chocolate. If you love me you can say it more than adequately with a “Take 5” bar.

When I was in Elementary School we used to make Valentine’s Day cards, and you had to make one for everyone in class, not just the girl you were in love with. I was in love with my third grade teacher, Mrs. Franz. I assume she was married and it would have been a complicated love triangle, a triangle made more obtuse by the fact that I would have had to stand on a stepladder to give her a kiss on the cheek. But making all those valentines taught us important concepts, such as how everyone should be valued, even if they grabbed your lunch bag and stomped on it. We learned essential skills such as how to fold a piece of red tissue paper in half, and then you only have to cut half of a heart, in case you aren’t into it whole-heartedly, and also 101 things you can do with a doily. I came home with so much red glitter all over me I’m sure my Mom must have drawn some conclusions that I’m happy to say were incorrect.

There is so much about the human heart that we don’t understand. What if I get a heart transplant and it causes me to fall in love with the donor’s widow? Can I trust it with important decisions or should I decide with my head or my gut? I heard that Trump makes decisions with his gut, and that’s why he’s so popular with his base. I don’t know if they’re good or bad decisions, but based on the size of his gut he must make quite a few of them.

I think it’s frivolous to give materialistic gifts on Valentine’s Day. Instead, take your loved one to a museum and get into a fight about whether the Mona Lisa is ugly or not. Or go to a movie and argue about if it’s still romantic even though fifteen people get killed within the first three minutes of the film. Spend some time learning why, even though men and women are so different, we still insist on being together. This 14th of February I’m giving the gift of ME. After all, isn’t time spent with each other better than any diamond ring? I’m still waiting for a definitive answer on that one. 

Join Rick and Trillium on Friday, February 28th, at the Katonah Library at 6:00PM for Chili Night! And see you March 13th, 5:00PM at DeCiccos in Somers for happy hour with Trillium!