It’s that time of year when we address our anxieties by adopting New Year’s resolutions, an annual ritual whose infamous record of repeated failure in itself makes us anxious.

What’s not to be anxious about?

What defective part of my sorry self should I try to resolve (yet again)? Good luck with that delusion, pal.

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Will I keep my resolution this time? Don’t make me LOL!

The anxiety attacks are not helped by learning (as I just did from Forbes) that, by February, 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions are history.

Why do we even bother? Why not just call them New Year’s placebos? That’s really what they are: Little white lies we tell ourselves to temporarily feel better.

We perennially give birth to resolutions by asking ourselves these twin questions (sourced from The New York Times): “Why don’t I do this already? Why do I feel I need to do this now?”

I’ll take the first one! “I don’t do this already” because… I don’t have the willpower to do it, duh!

I might as well grab the second one, too. “I feel the need to do this now” because I am an agreeable android programmed to act out societal rituals at this time of year.

One of your resolutions, if you like, could be not to listen to bloviating columnists like me. But if you are interested in second-hand advice, I’m happy to pass along that some New Year’s resolution experts recommend you think SMART.

In other words, if you absolutely feel compelled to subject yourself to the New Year’s resolution parlor game, at least try to make them Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Timely (with any luck—and willpower—yours will be among the 20 percent of resolutions that survive past February).

If you want a turnkey solution by checking boxes on a pre-selected list of most popular resolutions, here’s a hit parade of all-time greats…

• Eat less (if overweight)

• Eat more (if underweight)

• Exercise, more or less

• Save money

• Be nicer

• Meditate

• Read books

• Reduce screen time

• Floss

• Signal when changing lanes

As for your obedient android here, I firmly resolve not to break any resolutions, by not making any resolutions. And to all a good year.

Bruce “The Blog” Apar promotes local businesses, organizations, events and people through public relations agency APAR PR. He also is an actor, a community volunteer, and a contributor to several periodicals. Follow him as Bruce The Blog on social media. Reach him at or 914-275-6887.