Every so often, I crack Whys. I have a thing about cerain things, including, but not limited to… motorists behaving boorishly, language misuse, and a creeping disregard for simple civility.
Now, you might say I’m the one who’s boorish for bringing up petty grievances. You might say I should get a life. I will. Tomorrow. Today, I just had to scratch these itches.
By the way, if you would like to respond to any of these, or have some of your own vintage whines, I wish you the best of luck getting your own column, as long as it doesn’t replace mine.
WHEN RIGHT IS WRONG
WHY are we so desperate to make an ill-advised right turn at a red light that we’re willing to risk an accident by cutting in front of fast approaching vehicles that have the green light?
WHY do parents who have time to complain about how a youth sports program or a team is managed don’t have time to volunteer to help manage youth sports?
WHY are we equivocal in saying, “We would like to thank all those who supported our cause,” instead of unequivocally saying, “Thanks to all those who supported our cause.”
HATS OFF TO YOU
WHY do some young dads leave on a baseball cap (or any hat) when eating with their family in a nice restaurant? Set an example for the kids, daddy-o. Hats come off in restaurants. Yeah, it’s an oldie, but still a goodie. If you ask WHY?, don’t take my word for it. Google “Is it rude to wear a hat indoors?” Of course, you can disagree with what Google regurgitates on the matter, in which case my hat’s off to you (because somebody needs to maintain decorum around here).
WHY do we tortuously stretch out how we identify 21st Century years, as in “Two Thousand Nineteen,” instead of the crisp, concise”Twenty Nineteen”? Oh yeah, because “Let’s party like it’s One Thousand Nine Hundred Ninety-Nine” is something no one said ever.
WHY do some people say, “You’re one of the only one I know who likes that movie” instead of “You’re one of the only ones I know who likes that movie,” since “one of” is the tip-off that there’s more than one.
MY ACHING BACK
WHY do we say “Back in 2015” when we never say “Ahead in 2020”? Nobody has to be reminded a future date is ahead of us, but we constantly are stating or writing that a past date is in back of us. Who knew?
WHY do we say “hone in on” instead of the actual expression “home in on”? Because people repeat expressions based on what they think they hear. The only reason those avian messengers of yore are not being called “honing pigeons” today is because they have flown the coop.
WHY do we spell it “Dietitian” when all other professions that end the same way are spelled with a “c” and not a “t”: Beautician, Physician, Electrician, Statistician, Mortician (and let’s stop right there because these examples are turning too dark). The answer is that, not unlike “honing in on,” someone mistook Dietitian for Dietician and, over time, the wrong version gained weight.
WHY do some people become apoplectic – as if they’re going through withdrawal – in taking a swipe at every new bank that opens like it’s a den of iniquity? Either they believe money is the root of all evil or they converted their life savings to bitcoin currency.
WHY do we revere the good old days and good old ways of doing things and in the same breath revere those who disrupt the old ways of doing things? Sorry. Can’t have it both ways.
Bruce “The Blog” Apar is a writer, publicist, actor, and civic volunteer. He is sole proprietor of regional marketing agency APAR PR. He is the ghostwriter for new ForbesBooks title, “Fisch Tales: The Making of a Millennial Baby Boomer,” by Bob Fisch, now available at Amazon, WalMart, Barnes & Noble, Target, and other online bookstores. Follow him as Bruce The Blog on social media. Reach him at email@example.com or (914) 275-6887.