When He Wants a Divorce and You Don't

When He Wants A Divorce And You Don't - Relationship Reality
Divorce, no matter how amicable and for the best of everyone all around, is still traumatic. When two people decide together that they no longer want to be married to each other, divorce is sensible, realistic, and a life changing event. Even though it is something they are choosing, both people will feel the pain of leaving the marriage.

How much worse is it then when your spouse is the one who wants and initiates a divorce! Your whole world is shattered. Recently I received an email from a woman who is going through a separation and divorced that she hadn't anticipated or wanted. Part of her email is below:
I am baffled and don't know what to do. My husband of thirteen years has asked me for a divorce and he has moved out. He says he has not been happy for a long time, does not love me anymore, and this what he wants. I don't want to get divorced. I love him and have told him no way will I agree to a divorce. He claims he can get one whether I agree or not. Is this true? We have two children 6 and 10. We've had what I call a few minor problems in our marriage. I truly did not see this coming...Leslie*

Leslie, take a deep breath, sit down and let's take it one step at a time. First the question of whether he can get a divorce without your consent. Unfortunately, the relationship reality to that question is yes. The legal institution of marriage was not meant to trap two people in a union if one wants to leave. While divorce may be messy and expensive, one partner can, and usually does, initiate divorce proceedings alone. Now that you know the truth about divorce you can begin to piece together the reasons for what he wants to do.

Sign Up for E-News

Time for some reality checks.

You say he has been unhappy for a long time. This is something you probably noticed but may have been afraid to confront. Be honest with yourself; it is nearly impossible to live with someone for thirteen years and not be attuned to their emotions. Fear of facing an unpleasant situation makes many people hesitate to address it.

Try to pinpoint why he is unhappy. Is it work, has he lost his job or is he fearful of losing it? Are you in debt? Is there in-law trouble? You mention that in your marriage you had what you call "a few minor problems". How did the two of you deal with these problems in your marriage. Please understand that what seem to be minor problems to you may be major issues for him. Unhappiness can stem from a string of unpleasant things happening in his life or simply one major problem. Knowing exactly what is causing his unhappiness will help you know why he wants a divorce.

Communicate with him in a non-confrontational tone. Getting emotional, even though this is a terribly upsetting time for you, will get you nowhere. Ask if he is willing to go for marriage counseling. If he refuses, go yourself. Talking to someone will help you immensely during this frightening period in your life.

A divorce, after having sharing a life for over a decade, is a life change that needs preparation on your part. Child support, alimony, division of property accumulated over the thirteen years, and where you are going to live are issues that need to be put on the table.

It is a sad fact Leslie, but love doesn't always save marriages nor the fact that you have children together. You may not see it now but you really don't want to be with someone who isn't in love with you. That is unhealthy and can only lead to pain and unhappiness on your part. You won't be living a full life because you will always fear that the slightest mistake you make will cause him to leave.

There is certainly life after a divorce; the most difficult part is getting through the divorce itself. Be assured that you will make it through and go on to live a healthier, happier life.
***
To read more from Kristen Houghton, peruse her articles at Kristen Houghton.com  Take a look inside her book, "And Then I'll Be Happy!"

You may email her at
kch@kristenhoughton.com.

Copyright 2010 Kristen Houghton

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Livingston

Evolve Cycle And Fitness Presale Happening Now!

May 18, 2018

CALDWELL, NJ - Evolve Cycle and Fitness is now offering 10 classes for only $90. That’s only $9 a class when you purchase before its official Grand Opening on Friday, June 1, 2018. 

Only two weeks left to take advantage of this limited time offer! Call Martha at 973-979-5919 or click here to sign up.

Evolve Cycle and Fitness is a Premier Fitness Boutique ...

Save Up To 20% at CNP Treasures

WEST ORANGE, NJ — Are you still looking for the perfect gift for your mom or that special someone in your life for Mother's Day? Then CNP Treasures has you covered! Save up to 20% at CNP Treasures located at 14 Northfield Ave in West Orange.

Come by this weekend so we can help you find the perfect gift! Offer expires Sunday, May ...

Upcoming Events

Wed, May 23, 7:00 PM

Livingston Community Center (lower level), Livingston

NJ-11 Congressional Candidates Debate, hosted by ...

Education Government Law & Justice

Carousel_image_858d52d71559e8db11c1_35608_125981954105061_273496_n-1

Thu, May 24, 6:30 PM

Heritage Middle School , Livingston

Livingston Public Schools Presents: 6th to 7th ...

Education

Carousel_image_27a1c651521c971f9a4d_1cdb218c0a6934197fac_b2a4cff22151f502f44b2552724bef71_xl

Thu, May 24, 7:00 PM

Livingston Public Library, Livingston

Understanding Hearing Loss

Health & Wellness

Montclair HS Student Reported Sexual Assault in All-Gender Bathroom, Officials Say

May 17, 2018

MONTCLAIR, NJ - According to published reports on Wednesday, Montclair Police officials are investigating allegations of sexual assault reported to have occurred in a bathroom at Montclair High School.

Montclair police officials state that officers received a report about an incident at the high school of a sexual nature that occurred around 3:18 p.m. on Monday. The ...

Still Time to Register for Livingston's Fall Intown Soccer

May 14, 2018

LIVINGSTON, NJ — Although a late fee may be applied as of May 13, registration is still open for the Fall 2018 Intown Soccer season in Livingston, including the high school co-ed program.

Livingston Soccer Club's (LSC) Intown program is all about sportsmanship, making friends, getting some exercise and learning a bit about soccer along the way. LSC provides the following ...

10-Year-Old Cancer Patient Receives Donation from Randolph Hockey Family

May 21, 2018

RANDOLPH, NJ — While the inter-town hockey battles on the ice between Randolph and Roxbury are fierce at every age level, when it comes to real-life battles off the ice, there is no hesitation to offer help to their neighbor.

Such is the case with a recent gesture of unity and support from the members of the Randolph varsity hockey team, when they came together to ...

A Royal Pain

I went to a big wedding over the weekend.  It was in England.

I like to think I was invited, but according to the Royal Guards and the Thames Valley Police I was not.  But more about that later.

You see, not too long ago I received an evite addressed to me from H&M@royalwedbot.co.uk.  Curiously, it was in my spam folder with a warning message. For an evite it was pretty ...