I am really struggling right now with my home life. I am a 26-year-old woman living with my parents. I was living and working in the city before the pandemic started, but due to the pandemic, I was forced to leave the city and leave my job.
I feel like I have lost more than just my job, now I feel like I lost my freedom too. I have no privacy living at home with my parents. I got into a huge argument last week about them not knocking before they enter my bedroom. It seems like they want to spend every free moment with me. I know that they love me and that they are happy to have me, but I feel like I am suffocating.
What should I do? I am hoping to find a new job soon and hopefully a new living space.
Dear Miss Freedom,
You are not alone! The pandemic has forced a lot of people to move back in with their parents. It must feel like a very strange situation for you and also for them. They spent all these years without you at home and now you’re back. Wanting to spend time with you is a natural thing, but there has to be limits set on your time and your space.
Are you paying rent while you are staying with them? If not, it would be a healthy thing to do while living under their roof. By paying rent, you establish boundaries. You are showing them that you are not taking them or their space for granted. You appreciate the fact that they were willing to take you back into their home and you want to contribute towards the home that you are living in.
Most parents will not have this kind of conversation with their kids when they move back home. I know very few kids that would offer to pay rent to their parents. Funny thing is, it’s an extremely healthy thing to do. It shows responsibility on your part and also accountability on your part.
I would kindly let your parents know that you are very grateful for the space. Think of a fair amount of money that you could pay them monthly. It’s interesting because as soon as you start paying them, watch how fast you want to move out on your own again.
Paying them makes your stay there less comfortable and easy. Easy is what gets most young people into a rut with their parents. Make the move. Have that conversation with your parents about rent. I have a feeling that this will solve a lot of your at home issues.
Invest in putting a hook-and-eye lock on your bedroom door. You are an adult, and there should always be respect to your and their privacy.
All the very best,