Braving the Holiday Shopping Madness

I wasn’t planning on going to the department store during the holidays.

It just happened that I needed a couple of things and I had a free day, so I went. The problem was, while I didn’t know that every store was having massive pre-holiday sales, apparently the whole rest of the world did. 

My first indication may have been the fact that there was absolutely no parking, which forced me to park so far away that I practically needed a cab to get back to the store. This may have actually come in handy because it was pouring soaked cats and wet dogs outside …which is pretty much what I looked like by the time I got to the front door.

Sign Up for E-News

Once inside, I had to wind my way through racks and racks of sale clothing in sizes that no one wanted, colors that didn’t look good on anybody, and styles that made everyone look fat. Yet one would think that these were the world’s most desirable designer duds for all the attention they were getting from the shoppers. As Muzak versions of holiday tunes blasted on a loop through the store, women frantically scoured the racks as though they were the last articles of clothing left on Earth. Personally, I would rather go naked than wear an electric pink miniskirt tutu-thing that is three sizes too small. But apparently tiny, fuchsia-hued, butt-skimming tulle is in and all the rage among the over-40 set because these were flying off the racks at 50 percent off.

If I were a sensible person, or a man, I would have turned around and fled out the door. But since I really only had this one afternoon free, I decided to brave the throngs and forge ahead.

I pushed my way past the women in the clothing department who were in the throes of a discount fashion frenzy; past the women in the shoe department who were limping around in a single, sky-high heel trying to find the other shoe in the pair; and past the women in the handbag department who were playing tug of war over holiday hobos and satchels. Once free of the shoppers, I had to dodge salespeople spraying samples of cloying holiday-themed perfume so I didn’t asphyxiate on Eau de Egg Nog before I reached my destination - the lingerie department.

I quickly determined that the women in the clothing, shoe and handbag departments must have started their shopping sprees in lingerie, because the place looked like the aftermath of a fraternity party with bras hanging askew from the racks, panties scrunched up on the floor, and other assorted undergarments turned inside out and abandoned in a heap.

Daintily, I stepped over the lingerie carnage and went to work trying to find a particular bra in my size. After about 10 minutes of this, I further determined that all the women who had been there before me must have had the same bra size as me because the place was utterly picked clean.

I finally tracked down an extremely tired looking sales lady and asked her if she could help me find what I needed. She disappeared into the stock room for another 10 minutes and finally emerged holding one lone bra.

It was fuchsia.

Tracy’s books, “Rebel without a Minivan” and “Lost in Suburbia: a Momoir,” make wonderful holiday gifts! Check them out at amzn.to/1QctTJj.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Mahopac

The DACA Dilemma and the Trick of the Trickle-Down Theory

Here is our very own Sen. Charles Schumer on the Senate floor last week: “President Trump has stood in the way of a bipartisan solution to DACA, a problem he created in the first place, and yet the president is in this dream world. He thinks, ‘Oh, I can blame Democrats for the impasse.’ As I said, only in the 1984 world where up is down and black is white could this be true.

Cuomo’s Frivolous Lawsuits Cost Us Money

Since Donald Trump became president, New York State has filed more than 100 lawsuits against the federal government. This includes those filed by both Attorney General Eric T. Schneiderman and Gov. Andrew Cuomo. It does not include lawsuits filed by the City of New York. Most of them are political in nature, filed to please the plaintiffs’ voting base. In the real world, if we had filed ...

Beautiful, 'Clean' Coal

After completing his first full year in office—an alarming year, at that— Donald Trump has concluded that climate change is not a significant national threat and that the sacred lands and waters of this country should be sold to the highest bidder. 

The Trump administration has withdrawn from the Paris climate agreement; deregulated national landmarks; freed public lands for ...

Multigrain, Please

I have no craving for white bread; it’s too plain, predictable and tasteless for me. I hunger for a chunk of multigrain or rye, maybe even a good-sized piece of pumpernickel raisin, with a schmear of cream cheese on the side.

I have no appetite for bland, clean-cut, middle-of-the-road, isolationist politics. And I find unsettling the cultural sameness, gross consumerism and incurious ...

I Love 'I Hate Halet'

Let’s face it, folks. Not everyone loves Shakespeare. Not even all actors. Andrew Rally is one of them. In fact, where there’s a Will, there’s a way Andrew will find to avoid acting in one of those famously timeless plays. And for good reason. Shakespeare tests, to the fullest, an actor’s mettle, and Andrew is strictly a TV actor.

He has just ended a star turn in the ...

A Trip to the 'Liberry'

Raise your hand if you didn’t—did not—call the library the “liberry” when you were little. I’m guessing not a lot of hands just went up.

Didn’t just about all of us say “liberry” when we were learning to read? (Well, whaddya expect when a place is named something way too easy for little kids to mispronounce?)

OK. Now, raise your hand if ...

I Am Woman, Hair Me Roar

When you have short hair, it is inevitable that you will spend an inordinate amount of time growing your hair out and then getting fed up and cutting it again. I have been down this hair-brained road several dozen times before, complaining for months until I am convinced my husband is going to cut it all off while I sleep just so he doesn’t have to listen to me whine about it one more ...

I'm Mrs. Heat Miser

To be perfectly honest, I did not need a large rodent with insomnia to convince me that we had six more weeks of winter. It’s been so cold outside lately that when I go out, my nostrils stick together. The dog is so hesitant to go out that he does his business right on the deck, less than five feet from the door, and then gives me a look of contemptuous indignation when he comes back in the ...

Upcoming Events

Wed, February 28, 6:00 PM

Putnam County Department of Health, Brewster

Freedom from Smoking

Health & Wellness

Thu, March 1, 7:00 PM

Kennedy Catholic High School, Somers

The Kennedy Catholic High School Players ...

Arts & Entertainment Other Religions And Spirituality

Fri, March 2, 7:00 PM

Kennedy Catholic High School, Somers

The Kennedy Catholic High School Players ...

Arts & Entertainment Other Religions And Spirituality

Bazzo Needs to Get His Facts Straight

February 15, 2018

To the editor,

Once again Mr. Bazzo, in his Feb. 8, column cherry picks facts, ignores other facts, passes along lies and spins so fast to the right that it’s amazing he doesn’t drill himself into the earth.

Bazzo is correct—the economy is doing well, and we should give credit where credit is due. Thank you, President Obama for taking the economy from the brink of another ...