Dieting Is for the Dogs

According to a recent survey by the Association for Pet Obesity Prevention, half of our nation’s pets are overweight.

So, apparently now even dogs have to worry about bathing suit season.

Not that I’ve caught my dog Monty staring in the mirror with angst over the size of his thighs or anything, but when the vet told me he was a couple of pounds overweight (the dog, not the vet), I felt for him.

Sign Up for E-News

The dog looked at me forlornly. I could feel his pain. I myself had just gotten on the scale that morning and it seemed the dog and I were leading parallel lives.

I’d heard that some people, after time, start to look like their dogs. I didn’t know they got fat together, too.

I guess it made sense. I’d gotten a little loose with my eating habits over the winter: A handful of potato chips here. A gallon of ice cream there. Same with the dog: A little extra kibble here. An entire meatloaf he ate out of the garbage there.

 “Maybe we can just dress him to look slimmer,” I suggested to my husband when I told him the news. “It works for me.”

“That would be fine…if he wore clothes,” he said.

“Maybe a different haircut would give him the appearance of a smaller waist,” I wondered.

“This isn’t about how he looks,” my husband explained. “The idea is not to make him look thinner, but to help him lose weight so he’s healthier.”

“So, what, you’re saying I look fat????”

“Who said anything about you?” he stammered.

“I mean, I did put on a few pounds, but I’m not fat!” I yelled.

“We were talking about the dog.”

“I KNOW THAT!” I screeched. Monty and I turned our tails and stomped away. It was clear that we both needed to step up the exercise and step down our food intake. Since everyone always says it’s easier to diet with a friend, I decided the dog would be my weight loss buddy. I stocked up on diet meals for me, and low-cal kibble for him and then I called in the troops.

“Monty, you need to lose some weight,” I announced. “And so do I,” I said quite a bit softer.

“He (we) needs to be treat-free for awhile and he (we) needs to exercise. So we are all going to support him (us) in his (our) weight loss goals.” They all looked at each other curiously over my strange doublespeak but nodded in agreement and wisely said nothing.

For about two weeks the dog and I both did great. We cut down on our calories, got plenty of exercise, and didn’t snack. But then one night as I was getting ready for bed, out of the blue I had a major, full-blown, take-no-prisoners sugar attack. In a hypnotic, diet-busting daze, I went down to the kitchen and ripped into a box of Girl Scout cookies. Suddenly, I heard a second set of feet approaching from above and, as I fumbled to stash the evidence, dumped the box all over the floor.

Like a shark smelling blood, the dog was at my feet within seconds and devoured the rest of the box.

I wiped a crumb off my face. He licked his chops.

“What happens in the kitchen at night, stays in the kitchen at night,” I warned him.

“Deal,” he burped.

Become a Fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of or anyone who works for is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News


The DACA Dilemma and the Trick of the Trickle-Down Theory

Here is our very own Sen. Charles Schumer on the Senate floor last week: “President Trump has stood in the way of a bipartisan solution to DACA, a problem he created in the first place, and yet the president is in this dream world. He thinks, ‘Oh, I can blame Democrats for the impasse.’ As I said, only in the 1984 world where up is down and black is white could this be true.

Cuomo’s Frivolous Lawsuits Cost Us Money

Since Donald Trump became president, New York State has filed more than 100 lawsuits against the federal government. This includes those filed by both Attorney General Eric T. Schneiderman and Gov. Andrew Cuomo. It does not include lawsuits filed by the City of New York. Most of them are political in nature, filed to please the plaintiffs’ voting base. In the real world, if we had filed ...

Big Brother Comes to Mahopac

High-tech, government-controlled, eavesdropping devices—listening and watching and prying into our everyday lives—are becoming pervasive. They are being positioned on the streets and highways we travel and they can be programmed to enter our homes and workplaces through the lenses and microphones of the PCs and smartphones we use.    

Of growing concern is the ...

Beautiful, 'Clean' Coal

After completing his first full year in office—an alarming year, at that— Donald Trump has concluded that climate change is not a significant national threat and that the sacred lands and waters of this country should be sold to the highest bidder. 

The Trump administration has withdrawn from the Paris climate agreement; deregulated national landmarks; freed public lands for ...

I Love 'I Hate Hamlet'

Let’s face it, folks. Not everyone loves Shakespeare. Not even all actors. Andrew Rally is one of them. In fact, where there’s a Will, there’s a way Andrew will find to avoid acting in one of those famously timeless plays. And for good reason. Shakespeare tests, to the fullest, an actor’s mettle, and Andrew is strictly a TV actor.

He has just ended a star turn in the ...

A Trip to the 'Liberry'

Raise your hand if you didn’t—did not—call the library the “liberry” when you were little. I’m guessing not a lot of hands just went up.

Didn’t just about all of us say “liberry” when we were learning to read? (Well, whaddya expect when a place is named something way too easy for little kids to mispronounce?)

OK. Now, raise your hand if ...

I Am Woman, Hair Me Roar

When you have short hair, it is inevitable that you will spend an inordinate amount of time growing your hair out and then getting fed up and cutting it again. I have been down this hair-brained road several dozen times before, complaining for months until I am convinced my husband is going to cut it all off while I sleep just so he doesn’t have to listen to me whine about it one more ...

I'm Mrs. Heat Miser

To be perfectly honest, I did not need a large rodent with insomnia to convince me that we had six more weeks of winter. It’s been so cold outside lately that when I go out, my nostrils stick together. The dog is so hesitant to go out that he does his business right on the deck, less than five feet from the door, and then gives me a look of contemptuous indignation when he comes back in the ...

Upcoming Events

Wed, February 28, 6:00 PM

Putnam County Department of Health, Brewster

Freedom from Smoking

Health & Wellness

Thu, March 1, 7:00 PM

Kennedy Catholic High School, Somers

The Kennedy Catholic High School Players ...

Arts & Entertainment Other Religions And Spirituality

Fri, March 2, 7:00 PM

Kennedy Catholic High School, Somers

The Kennedy Catholic High School Players ...

Arts & Entertainment Other Religions And Spirituality

Bazzo Needs to Get His Facts Straight

February 15, 2018

To the editor,

Once again Mr. Bazzo, in his Feb. 8, column cherry picks facts, ignores other facts, passes along lies and spins so fast to the right that it’s amazing he doesn’t drill himself into the earth.

Bazzo is correct—the economy is doing well, and we should give credit where credit is due. Thank you, President Obama for taking the economy from the brink of another ...

Artworks by Maria Angeles Hegglin at the Somers Library

February 23, 2018

Art Works by Maria Angeles Hegglin at the Somers Library
On display 2/20 - 3/31 

Maria Angeles Hegglin is a self-taught neo-impressionist born in Cordoba, Spain and now living in New York. Her oils on canvas present an idyllic sun-splashed vision of the world. She is a landscape painter whose work is notable for its subtle colors and tactile surfaces that she accomplishes with a palette ...