Going in Circles

Given the choice between using a regular door and a revolving door, I always choose the regular door. I’ve been that way since birth. OK, maybe not birth because I’m fairly certain there was no revolving door where I made my way into the world. But for as long as I can remember, I have been reluctant to go through them. No, not reluctant. Phobic. Truthfully, I am afraid of revolving doors. I have orbitagoraphobia.    

Orbitagoraphobia isn’t actually a legitimate word, but for lack of a better one, that’s what people use to describe their fear of revolving doors. It kind of makes sense. Orbit means to go around and agoraphobia is basically the fear of being in situations where escape might be difficult, so basically you have a fear of going around and getting stuck. It makes sense to me. Although if I were asked to call it something, I’d cut to the chase and just call it revolvaphobia.

I’m not the only one who suffers from this (clearly, or else why would they bother naming it?). The actor Matthew McConaughey is also, allegedly, orbitagoraphobic. I thought this piece of information actually makes having this phobia somewhat cooler. Certainly cooler than having arachibutyrophobia, which is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. Of course, if you had arachibutyrophobia and orbitagoraphobia and you happened to go through a revolving door while eating a peanut butter sandwich, you would probably suffer from orbitagorarachibutyrophobia, which obviously would be impossible to say if you had peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.

Sign Up for E-News

There are a number of celebrities with strange phobias. Supposedly, Billy Bob Thornton has a fear of antique furniture, Christina Ricci has a fear of indoor plants, and singer Lyle Lovett has bovinophobia, which is a fear of cows. Matthew McConaughy wouldn’t have a problem having bovinophobia since it’s physically impossible to take a cow through a revolving door, anyway.

Since Matthew McConaughey and I possibly had this thing in common, I thought it would be cool to meet him and ask him for his autograph, assuming I don’t have to go through a revolving door to do it. However, this might be a problem if Matthew also suffers from scriptophobia, which is the fear of writing in public, or anthropophobia, the fear of meeting new people. If this was the case, he would probably suffer from anthroporbitoscriptophobia, which is a combination of all three. But this would be a real issue if he also had hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, which is the fear of long words.

I wouldn‘t be surprised if Matthew McConaughey also suffered from the fear of being remembered for the movie, “Surfer, Dude.” But that wouldn’t necessarily affect our ability to get together, unless I brought a surfboard with me or something.

Still, none of this is a problem for me, since the only phobia I have is of revolving doors. Unless it turns out that I also have Anthropomcconaughphobia, the fear of meeting Matthew McConaughey.

Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage/ and on twitter at twitter.com/tracybeckerman.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News


Cuomo Shores Up His Left Flank (at Our Expense)

We keep hearing how the Republicans are bought and paid for by the NRA. I recently explained to you the truth about this myth. The reality is the Democrats are the ones who are bought and paid for. Not by the NRA, but the environmentalists.

You thought I was going to say public sector unions, didn’t you? Well, they own both parties in New York. However, the environmentalists pull the ...

The Hatch Act and Immigration Updates

This is for information purposes only. So, when you see headlines like the recent “Kellyanne Conway cited for two violations of the Hatch Act,” you will have a working knowledge of what it means. First off, what is the Hatch Act? This has nothing to do with Orrin Hatch, senator from Utah. Simply put, it states one cannot advocate for or against candidates while serving in an official ...

The ‘Feminist’ President ... Ha!

Incredibly, it wasn’t until 1987 that Congress finally acknowledged the part women have played in the great movements of American history, declaring March to be National Women’s History Month.

And each year since, as March rolls around, U.S. presidents have stood at the lectern, extolling the virtues of American women. In President Trump’s statement, released last week, he ...

To Harrison, L'Chaim!

At long last, the smile of spring approaches, as an angry winter recedes into good riddance. Our spirit is ready to be re-charged. Damn the power outages, full speed ahead!

For my wife, Elyse, daughter, Elissa, and me, this otherwise exuberant time of year brings a confusion of mixed emotions. In 2003, on the opening day of spring, March 20, which happens to be my birthday, our 15-year-old son ...

A Half-Baked Column

“I think it’s time we retired this oven,” I said to my husband as I displayed a sheet of blackened sweet potato fries. “Even the dog won’t eat these.”

“Sure he will,” he said, tossing some fries on the floor. The dog immediately sucked them down.

“Not my point,” I said.

We had known that our oven was on its last burners for ...

When It's Not OK to Ask If Everything's OK

There is this thing that I do that annoys the heck out of my family. Well, to be honest, there are a lot of things I do that annoy the heck out of my family, but I am thinking of one thing in particular.

Whenever someone is in the bathroom for what I determine to be an abnormally long period of time, I stand outside the bathroom door and yell,


I ...

I'm All Pumped Up

This time last year, I struggled with my New Year’s resolution to go to the gym.

This year, I have made significant progress. I am going to the gym on a semi-regular basis. And by semi-regular, I mean, I go often enough that I actually remember where it’s located between visits.

The bad news, however, is that my workouts are just, how would you say it? Lame. Yes, they’re ...

Upcoming Events


Sat, March 24, 2:00 PM

South Putnam Animal Hospital, Mahopac

PCDOH Free Rabies Vaccination Clinic

Health & Wellness

Sat, March 24, 2:00 PM

South Putnam Animal Hospital, Mahopac

PCDOH Free Rabies Vaccination Clinic

Health & Wellness

Sun, March 25

First Presbyterian Church of Yorktown, Yorktown Heights

Holy Week at First Presbyterian Church of Yorktown

Religions And Spirituality

NYSEG Needs to Be Investigated

March 22, 2018

[Editor’s note: This letter exceeds the maximum word count (300 words) allowed by Mahopac News, but due to the content, we have made an exception to that rule.]

To the editor,

Friday, after seven days without electrical power, I contacted the office of the Putnam County executive where I found a sympathetic ear willing to prod New York State Gas and Electric (NYSEG) to restore ...