Music to Nobody‘s Ears

I winced as we sat in the audience of an experimental music concert played by a string quartet. Calling it music was being generous. It was more like the sound of a subway car screeching on the tracks, mixed with nails on a chalkboard, and choruses of crying babies on an airplane.

“I don't get it,” I whispered to my husband as the quartet tweaked their instruments so violently that strings began to break loose and fly up in the players' faces.

“Experimental music is about seeing how far the players can push their instruments to get new sounds,” he explained.

Sign Up for E-News

“If the instruments ignite and explode, does that mean they succeeded?” I asked.

My husband had brought me to this concert in an effort to expand my cultural horizons. Apparently, though, my horizons were not that willing to be expanded. The music was so profoundly unlistenable that had I done some research beforehand, I might have chosen to do something less painful, like stab myself in the eye with my mascara.

The first composition was based on the distinct warblings of an Inuit throat singer. While I'm sure there are people who appreciate this kind of music, for me it was about as pleasing to the ear as a stadium of vuvuzelas blasting at the World Cup.

“It's actually supposed to be dissonant,” my husband said when I complained.

“If dissonant is a synonym for torturous, then they’re right on track,” I replied.

In his defense, my husband is a musician and a composer, so he tends to be much more open to new musical experiences than me. As his wife, I try to be open to experiencing them with him. Unfortunately, I have a limited tolerance for these kinds of things. Call me crazy, but if a musical piece sounds like a power tool drilling metal crossed with a terrified cat, I have a hard time appreciating it as an art form.

“Why did we come here again?” I asked my husband.

“The tickets were gifted to us.”

“Did the person who gifted you the tickets have a grudge against you and want you dead?” I wondered.

The next piece of music was accompanied by a performer. As she started to warble, I was struck by the extremes a human voice could achieve, but not in a good way. Her voice got higher and higher until it was almost at a pitch that only dogs could here. I turned in terror to the windows expecting them to shatter from the frequency. The sounds were so alien that at any moment, I expected Godzilla to come through the side of the building to take down Mothra.

I looked over at my husband and realized that he was the only one in the audience who did not have a pained expression on his face.

“How are you not horrified by this?” I asked incredulously.

“I’m used to it,” he whispered.

“From your studio?” I wondered.

“No,” he said. “From your mother.”

Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at and on twitter at

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of or anyone who works for is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News


Cuomo Shores Up His Left Flank (at Our Expense)

We keep hearing how the Republicans are bought and paid for by the NRA. I recently explained to you the truth about this myth. The reality is the Democrats are the ones who are bought and paid for. Not by the NRA, but the environmentalists.

You thought I was going to say public sector unions, didn’t you? Well, they own both parties in New York. However, the environmentalists pull the ...

The Hatch Act and Immigration Updates

This is for information purposes only. So, when you see headlines like the recent “Kellyanne Conway cited for two violations of the Hatch Act,” you will have a working knowledge of what it means. First off, what is the Hatch Act? This has nothing to do with Orrin Hatch, senator from Utah. Simply put, it states one cannot advocate for or against candidates while serving in an official ...

The ‘Feminist’ President ... Ha!

Incredibly, it wasn’t until 1987 that Congress finally acknowledged the part women have played in the great movements of American history, declaring March to be National Women’s History Month.

And each year since, as March rolls around, U.S. presidents have stood at the lectern, extolling the virtues of American women. In President Trump’s statement, released last week, he ...

To Harrison, L'Chaim!

At long last, the smile of spring approaches, as an angry winter recedes into good riddance. Our spirit is ready to be re-charged. Damn the power outages, full speed ahead!

For my wife, Elyse, daughter, Elissa, and me, this otherwise exuberant time of year brings a confusion of mixed emotions. In 2003, on the opening day of spring, March 20, which happens to be my birthday, our 15-year-old son ...

A Half-Baked Column

“I think it’s time we retired this oven,” I said to my husband as I displayed a sheet of blackened sweet potato fries. “Even the dog won’t eat these.”

“Sure he will,” he said, tossing some fries on the floor. The dog immediately sucked them down.

“Not my point,” I said.

We had known that our oven was on its last burners for ...

When It's Not OK to Ask If Everything's OK

There is this thing that I do that annoys the heck out of my family. Well, to be honest, there are a lot of things I do that annoy the heck out of my family, but I am thinking of one thing in particular.

Whenever someone is in the bathroom for what I determine to be an abnormally long period of time, I stand outside the bathroom door and yell,


I ...

I'm All Pumped Up

This time last year, I struggled with my New Year’s resolution to go to the gym.

This year, I have made significant progress. I am going to the gym on a semi-regular basis. And by semi-regular, I mean, I go often enough that I actually remember where it’s located between visits.

The bad news, however, is that my workouts are just, how would you say it? Lame. Yes, they’re ...

Upcoming Events


Sat, March 24, 2:00 PM

South Putnam Animal Hospital, Mahopac

PCDOH Free Rabies Vaccination Clinic

Health & Wellness

Sat, March 24, 2:00 PM

South Putnam Animal Hospital, Mahopac

PCDOH Free Rabies Vaccination Clinic

Health & Wellness

Sun, March 25

First Presbyterian Church of Yorktown, Yorktown Heights

Holy Week at First Presbyterian Church of Yorktown

Religions And Spirituality

NYSEG Needs to Be Investigated

March 22, 2018

[Editor’s note: This letter exceeds the maximum word count (300 words) allowed by Mahopac News, but due to the content, we have made an exception to that rule.]

To the editor,

Friday, after seven days without electrical power, I contacted the office of the Putnam County executive where I found a sympathetic ear willing to prod New York State Gas and Electric (NYSEG) to restore ...