Nothing Comes Between Me and My Lava Cake

When it comes to desserts, there are three kinds of people: sugary-dessert people, fruit-dessert people and no-dessert people. I’m a sugary-dessert person, and like most sugary dessert people, I don’t get the other kinds of dessert people at all. I can almost understand no-dessert people. But fruit-dessert people? Fruit as a dessert seems like a completely wasted opportunity. If a molten chocolate lava cake is on the menu, why would you possibly order fruit? It just defies reason.

I had all this in mind when my husband and I finished dinner with one of his clients and the client’s wife. The dinner was perfectly nice. The conversation was lovely. But when it came time to order the desserts, my husband and I got a sugary dessert, because, hello, lava cake (!), while the husband got fruit, and the wife got nothing.

“Just coffee for me,” she said to the server. And then to me, “I’m trying to cut out sugar.”

Sign Up for E-News

I nodded respectfully at her choice to be a no-dessert person.

When my cake arrived, I went to dig in. But before I could get my fork into the cake, the no-dessert lady reached over with her fork, took a giant swipe of my cake, and then plunged it into her mouth. No, “Do you mind if I…” or, “May I have a taste of your…” She just went in with fork ablazing and cakejacked my cake. I was floored.

“Ummmm,” she swooned. “This is yummy.”

“I wouldn’t know,” I said under my breath. “I haven’t tried it.”

I glanced at my husband who had his fork up in mid-air, ready to have his taste. He took one look at me and lowered his fork.

“Oh, honey,” said the no-dessert lady who was rapidly becoming someone-else’s dessert lady to her husband. “This is so good. You have to try it!”

With that she plunged her fork into my cake a second time, and then fed her husband my cake off her fork.

“Oh yeah, that’s good lava cake,” he replied licking his lips.

I went to say something but I honestly was at a loss for words. I was astounded that someone would actually have the audacity to pilfer my dessert, not one, but two times, and before I’d even had any. I wondered if I had a look about me that said, “Sure, go ahead, take my cake.”

The bigger issue, though, was not that she had shoplifted my cake, twice, but that I really couldn’t say anything about it. This was the wife of my husband’s client. She might be a cake-napper, but she was still the cake-napping wife of a client.

Fortunately, before I could say something, the client’s wife excused herself to go the bathroom and the client stepped out to make a call. Impulsively, I reached out, picked up the salt shaker, and dumped a generous amount of salt in her coffee.

My husband stared at me appalled.

“What are you doing?!?” he hissed.

I shrugged. “I’m giving her her just desserts.”

Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at and on twitter at

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of or anyone who works for is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News


The Hatch Act and Immigration Updates

This is for information purposes only. So, when you see headlines like the recent “Kellyanne Conway cited for two violations of the Hatch Act,” you will have a working knowledge of what it means. First off, what is the Hatch Act? This has nothing to do with Orrin Hatch, senator from Utah. Simply put, it states one cannot advocate for or against candidates while serving in an official ...

There Is Always More to the Story

If you are getting your information from CNN, MSNBC, The New York Times or others in the mainstream media, you would think the Russians are no good dirty scoundrels, colluding with Trump to steal the election from the rightful heir, Hillary Clinton.

The leading Democrats in New York are all on board with this scenario, as are Democrats representing states across the country. You have heard ...

The ‘Feminist’ President ... Ha!

Incredibly, it wasn’t until 1987 that Congress finally acknowledged the part women have played in the great movements of American history, declaring March to be National Women’s History Month.

And each year since, as March rolls around, U.S. presidents have stood at the lectern, extolling the virtues of American women. In President Trump’s statement, released last week, he ...

To Harrison, L'Chaim!

At long last, the smile of spring approaches, as an angry winter recedes into good riddance. Our spirit is ready to be re-charged. Damn the power outages, full speed ahead!

For my wife, Elyse, daughter, Elissa, and me, this otherwise exuberant time of year brings a confusion of mixed emotions. In 2003, on the opening day of spring, March 20, which happens to be my birthday, our 15-year-old son ...

Anytown USA's Reality TV Show

Nowhere is the raw power of our Constitution’s First Amendment more earnestly practiced than in thousands of town halls across the land every time a citizen steps up to the podium to say his piece.

That also is where reality television can be seen at its rawest, as town meetings are televised to the local populace. All the familiar production values of reality TV are there in full color: ...

When It's Not OK to Ask If Everything's OK

There is this thing that I do that annoys the heck out of my family. Well, to be honest, there are a lot of things I do that annoy the heck out of my family, but I am thinking of one thing in particular.

Whenever someone is in the bathroom for what I determine to be an abnormally long period of time, I stand outside the bathroom door and yell,


I ...

I'm All Pumped Up

This time last year, I struggled with my New Year’s resolution to go to the gym.

This year, I have made significant progress. I am going to the gym on a semi-regular basis. And by semi-regular, I mean, I go often enough that I actually remember where it’s located between visits.

The bad news, however, is that my workouts are just, how would you say it? Lame. Yes, they’re ...

Upcoming Events


Sat, March 24, 2:00 PM

South Putnam Animal Hospital, Mahopac

PCDOH Free Rabies Vaccination Clinic

Health & Wellness

Sat, March 24, 2:00 PM

South Putnam Animal Hospital, Mahopac

PCDOH Free Rabies Vaccination Clinic

Health & Wellness

Sun, March 25

First Presbyterian Church of Yorktown, Yorktown Heights

Holy Week at First Presbyterian Church of Yorktown

Religions And Spirituality

Safety Is Schools' Top Priority

March 14, 2018

To the editor,

[Editor’s note: The following letter was sent by School Superintendent Anthony DiCarlo to Mahopac families and the school community.]

We are all saddened by the tragic events that took place in Parkland, Fla., several weeks ago, Mahopac’s collective thoughts and prayers for healing and strength are directed toward the families and students of Parkland.

I want ...