Author’s Note: Mom + Pop Culture are a couple of real characters. They could be you and me. Or not. Every so often, I eavesdrop on their conversations. Let’s listen in on what they’re saying right now about the flaky language of weather and the flaky behavior of motorists when the lights go out.
POP: What’s on the ol’ Netflix tonight, Mom?
POP: How’s that possible?! There’s so much to choose, I never can make up my mind in time before I fall asleep.
MOM: That’s the problem, Pop. It’s not healthy to watch so much TV.
POP: It’s not TV. It’s Netflix.
MOM: You have your slogans mixed up. That’s the HBO line.
POP: Whatever. I want my Netflix!
MOM: We’re going to turn into binge-watching vegetables.
POP: Veggies are good for you.
MOM: Good to eat, dear, not to become. I didn’t marry a couch potato.
POP: Are you trying to butter me up?
POP: Any updates on that nor’easter?
MOM: You mean northeaster?
POP: No, I mean nor’easter.
MOM: Who speaks that way, except a weatherman? Does anybody say, “I live in nor’ern Westchester?” Is Santa from the Nor’ Pole? Don’t you love that Hitchcock classic with Cary Grant, “Nor by Nor’west?”
POP: Now you got me thinking. How come it’s always weatherman, but nobody ever says weatherwoman or weatherlady?
MOM: All I know is that weather people have other rules for language I don’t understand.
POP: How’s that?
MOM: They call slick roads treacherous.
POP: Because they are.
MOM: Something that isn’t capable of treachery cannot be treacherous.
POP: Ramble on…
MOM: Treachery is human behavior. Someone who double-crosses you is being treacherous.
POP: Well, a slippery road may cause you to cross the double line. That’s a double-cross.
MOM: Slow down and pay attention. Treachery also means backstabbing, unfaithful, all that nasty business. You know who’s truly treacherous?
POP: Tony Soprano? Cersei Lannister?
MOM: Worse. I’m talking about real people. I’m talking about motorists who behave badly in a public crisis.
POP: You mean like a power outage.
MOM: Glad to see that light bulb above your head still works.
POP: It’s on a generator.
MOM: You see the antics some people pull when the traffic lights are out? Instead of acting cautious to the max, they turn into Mad Max.
POP: You don’t have to tell me. If I was 30 years younger, I would have been getting into fistfights in the middle of the road.
POP: I can’t deal with those people who are clueless about road etiquette.
MOM: I hear you, Pop. I was on a side street with a broken traffic light, trying to break into an endless queue of cars on Route 6. You wouldn’t believe how long it took until someone was decent enough to let me slip in.
POP: It’s disgraceful! We need fewer “Me First!” drivers.
MOM: Yep. We need more “Be My Guest!” drivers.
POP: I’m with you there.
MOM: Well, you know what they call the most dangerous part of a vehicle.
MOM: The nut behind the wheel.
POP: Ha! Good one, Mom.
MOM: I wouldn’t steer you wrong.
Bruce “The Blog” Apar promotes local businesses, organizations, events and people through public relations agency APAR PR. He also is an actor, a community volunteer, and a contributor to several periodicals. Follow him as Bruce The Blog on social media. Reach him at firstname.lastname@example.org or 914-275-6887.