The Bug Stops Here

It was a balmy March day; the kind that gives you a glimmer of hope that the frozen tundra that had become your backyard might actually thaw and spring could arrive. I went into my closet and had an overwhelming urge to purge my wardrobe. This happens every year around this time, when the spring cleaning bug attacks me.

I stared at the piles of sweaters that had laid untouched over the winter and realized that I had pretty much worn the same four heavy sweaters all winter. Still, I was not ready to part with most of my unworn clothes, so I pulled them out of the closet to assess what should get another chance at life next winter and what should get donated.

Pulling out the piles, I tried on the first sweater. It was cuter than I remembered. I was about to pull it off and toss it into the keep pile when I noticed a number of white spots on it. With an increasing sense of dread, I realized the white spots were actually my white t-shirt showing through thumbnail-sized holes in the sweater. The sweater was no longer a sweater.

Sign Up for E-News

It was a sieve.

Being somewhat skilled in denying the awful truth when it is staring me in the face, I decided the sweater must have suffered some kind of aged sweater illness that caused it to disintegrate in spots over the winter.

Tossing it on the floor, I reached for the next sweater and tried it on. This sweater seemed to have caught the same illness as the one before it. Sweater after sweater exhibited the same symptoms and I realized with horror that the sweater epidemic had swept through my entire closet.

I was just about to call the CDC when I noticed a flutter come from within the belly of my closet.

As the moth flew out of the closet, the reality of what had actually transpired dawned on me. I had no idea how such a thing could have happened until it occurred to me that the cedar chips I had put in my closet 10 years ago might have actually lost their moth-repelling capabilities over time.

Had I followed my dearly departed grandmother’s advice, I would have scattered mothballs in every crevice of my closet and no moth would have come within 10 miles of my sweaters. Of course, then I wouldn’t have any need for my sweaters anymore because the mothball police would have taken one sniff of me and shipped me down to a retirement community in Florida.

Glaring at the woolly remains of my formerly adorable sweaters, I picked up the phone.

“Do we have moth insurance?” I asked my husband.

“You mean like if a giant moth lands on our house and crushes it?” he asked.

“No, I mean if a colony of moths breed in my closet and devour my wardrobe.”

“Didn’t you have cedar chips?” he wondered.

“They ate those too.”

“Sorry, honey,” he sympathized.

“They ate holes through all my wool sweaters!” I groaned. “What should I do?”

“Next time, buy cotton.”

Follow Tracy on Twitter @TracyinSuburbia.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Mahopac

The DACA Dilemma and the Trick of the Trickle-Down Theory

Here is our very own Sen. Charles Schumer on the Senate floor last week: “President Trump has stood in the way of a bipartisan solution to DACA, a problem he created in the first place, and yet the president is in this dream world. He thinks, ‘Oh, I can blame Democrats for the impasse.’ As I said, only in the 1984 world where up is down and black is white could this be true.

Cuomo’s Frivolous Lawsuits Cost Us Money

Since Donald Trump became president, New York State has filed more than 100 lawsuits against the federal government. This includes those filed by both Attorney General Eric T. Schneiderman and Gov. Andrew Cuomo. It does not include lawsuits filed by the City of New York. Most of them are political in nature, filed to please the plaintiffs’ voting base. In the real world, if we had filed ...

Big Brother Comes to Mahopac

High-tech, government-controlled, eavesdropping devices—listening and watching and prying into our everyday lives—are becoming pervasive. They are being positioned on the streets and highways we travel and they can be programmed to enter our homes and workplaces through the lenses and microphones of the PCs and smartphones we use.    

Of growing concern is the ...

Beautiful, 'Clean' Coal

After completing his first full year in office—an alarming year, at that— Donald Trump has concluded that climate change is not a significant national threat and that the sacred lands and waters of this country should be sold to the highest bidder. 

The Trump administration has withdrawn from the Paris climate agreement; deregulated national landmarks; freed public lands for ...

I Love 'I Hate Hamlet'

Let’s face it, folks. Not everyone loves Shakespeare. Not even all actors. Andrew Rally is one of them. In fact, where there’s a Will, there’s a way Andrew will find to avoid acting in one of those famously timeless plays. And for good reason. Shakespeare tests, to the fullest, an actor’s mettle, and Andrew is strictly a TV actor.

He has just ended a star turn in the ...

A Trip to the 'Liberry'

Raise your hand if you didn’t—did not—call the library the “liberry” when you were little. I’m guessing not a lot of hands just went up.

Didn’t just about all of us say “liberry” when we were learning to read? (Well, whaddya expect when a place is named something way too easy for little kids to mispronounce?)

OK. Now, raise your hand if ...

I Am Woman, Hair Me Roar

When you have short hair, it is inevitable that you will spend an inordinate amount of time growing your hair out and then getting fed up and cutting it again. I have been down this hair-brained road several dozen times before, complaining for months until I am convinced my husband is going to cut it all off while I sleep just so he doesn’t have to listen to me whine about it one more ...

I'm Mrs. Heat Miser

To be perfectly honest, I did not need a large rodent with insomnia to convince me that we had six more weeks of winter. It’s been so cold outside lately that when I go out, my nostrils stick together. The dog is so hesitant to go out that he does his business right on the deck, less than five feet from the door, and then gives me a look of contemptuous indignation when he comes back in the ...

Upcoming Events

Wed, February 28, 6:00 PM

Putnam County Department of Health, Brewster

Freedom from Smoking

Health & Wellness

Thu, March 1, 7:00 PM

Kennedy Catholic High School, Somers

The Kennedy Catholic High School Players ...

Arts & Entertainment Other Religions And Spirituality

Fri, March 2, 7:00 PM

Kennedy Catholic High School, Somers

The Kennedy Catholic High School Players ...

Arts & Entertainment Other Religions And Spirituality

Bazzo Needs to Get His Facts Straight

February 15, 2018

To the editor,

Once again Mr. Bazzo, in his Feb. 8, column cherry picks facts, ignores other facts, passes along lies and spins so fast to the right that it’s amazing he doesn’t drill himself into the earth.

Bazzo is correct—the economy is doing well, and we should give credit where credit is due. Thank you, President Obama for taking the economy from the brink of another ...

Artworks by Maria Angeles Hegglin at the Somers Library

February 23, 2018

Art Works by Maria Angeles Hegglin at the Somers Library
On display 2/20 - 3/31 

Maria Angeles Hegglin is a self-taught neo-impressionist born in Cordoba, Spain and now living in New York. Her oils on canvas present an idyllic sun-splashed vision of the world. She is a landscape painter whose work is notable for its subtle colors and tactile surfaces that she accomplishes with a palette ...