Today’s Special Is Influenza

Although some people are uncomfortable going out to a restaurant by themselves, I am perfectly fine with dining alone. Honestly, with the level of pandemonium in my house on a regular basis, I am happy to have a quiet meal by myself every once in awhile. I don’t ask myself to get up and get some more water, I don’t typically spill food across the table on myself, and I don’t tell myself revolting stories while I eat. It actually makes for a refreshing change of pace.

But one day while I was out to lunch, I noticed a woman and a child of about 6 or 7 eating at the table next to me. He was being a little rambunctious and she smiled apologetically.

“No school today?” I asked her warmly.

Sign Up for E-News

“Oh, he’s home sick,” she responded. As she started to say something else, the little boy let out an earth-shattering, apocalyptic sneeze that rained across the table.

He turned in my direction and broke into an explosive cough. I reflexively covered my food with my hands and gave her a horrified look.

“He had a cold but he’s getting over it,” she assured me. I thought that if this was him getting better, I couldn’t imagine how bad he must have been when he was really sick. I was thinking that a call to the CDC in Atlanta wouldn’t be overreaching.

I wondered if she really thought he was, in fact, “getting over it,” or if she was just tired of being stuck home with Typhoid Jack and was desperate to get out among the non-drippy. I thought about the time another mom had sent her sneezing, wheezing daughter over to my house for a playdate, insisting the girl just had allergies. I insisted back that one doesn’t typically get a fever of 102 when one has allergies.

As Jack continued to violently hack and sneeze through the meal, I inched my chair further and further back until I was almost sitting in the lap of the customer at the table behind me.  Unfortunately, I was completely out of surgical masks or I would have immediately strapped one on before heading to the nearest NASA decontamination chamber to be biochemically disinfected.

While she busied herself trying to keep up with lava flow of mucus coming from the nose of her offspring, I looked at the mom in disbelief. Call me crazy, but I think if your kid is too sick to go to school, you probably shouldn’t be dragging him around in public, either, unless it’s to take him to the TB clinic.

All around me I noticed other customers noticing Typhoid Jack coughing up a lung. Soon, all of the tables had somehow mysteriously moved to the back of the restaurant.

Rather than go sit in the kitchen, I decided that I’d had enough of my scarlet fever salad with a side of streptococcus, and I motioned to my server to bring me a check.

“No dessert today?” he asked, showing me the menu.

I looked at the selections. “Do you have any Penicillin?”

For more Lost in Suburbia, follow Tracy on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage or on Twitter at @TracyBeckerman.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Mahopac

I Do Not Make Stuff Up!

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote in my column, “Watergate analogies apply to Obama, not Trump,” that President Obama’s Justice Department planted a spy in the Trump campaign. I said I used the term “spy” because this was a counter-intelligence operation, not a criminal investigation, where the term informant would have been proper.

That statement has been brought ...

Here's What You Missed Last Week

Last week, the Daily News ran a headline, “When is our father coming home?” This dealt with a person here illegally, married to an American woman with a family, who was arrested at an Army base while delivering pizza. You are supposed to think that U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), under Trump, is tearing families apart. As usual, it was a crock of cow pies. It was ...

Reagan on Trump

The party of “Honest Abe” has now become the party of Dishonest Don, and what follows are some disturbing displays of a Republican Party that has become devoid of conscience:

• More than 4,600 American citizens dead in Puerto Rico—a postscript to the government’s abysmal response to the widespread devastation of Hurricane Maria; 
• The underhanded ...

What Kind of Sports Parent Are You?

Social media recently showered a lot of likes and love on a high school pitcher in Minnesota whose team was playing in a regional final that would send the winning team to the state championship game.

After the last batter of the game struck out, the pitcher did something unheard of. Rather than spontaneously join his teammates in an on-field celebration, as is customary, the pitcher ...

Competing—Against Yourself

This is the time of year when students are recognized at public ceremonies for notable achievements in their studies, their sports and in their extracurricular pursuits.

Where we live, there are awards in various sports that are named for our son, who also is memorialized by town ballfield Harrison Apar Field of Dreams and a charitable foundation of the same name.

Due to a rare dwarfism, ...

Packing Heat

“Are you leaving me?” asked my husband one night as he surveyed the contents of my closet on our bed.

“What? No!” I said. “Why would you think that?”

“Every single article of clothing you own is laid out on our bed,” he replied. “So I have to assume you are either leaving me or you have joined the armed services and if that’s the ...

I Come from the Land Down Under

I know this is a family column, so I’m going to put this in as delicate terms as possible.

This morning I woke up and I knew, as sure as the sun shines over Bora Bora, that something was very, very wrong in that place in my body where the Bora Bora sun doesn’t shine.

It’s that place I used to refer to my daughter as her hoo-hoo. But it certainly wasn’t a happy ...

Upcoming Events

Carousel_image_b4cc78dd32adbbf57c97_2018_hiv_testing_day_eng

Wed, June 27, 9:00 AM

Putnam County Department of Health, Brewster

PCDOH Free HIV Testing Day

Health & Wellness