Author’s Note: Mom + Pop Culture are a couple of real characters. They could be you and me. Or our neighbors. Or not. Every so often, I eavesdrop on their conversations. Let’s listen in on what they’re saying right now about social media…

POP CULTURE: Well, Mom, I think I’ve just about had it with the good, ol’ Facebook.

MOM CULTURE: Did something happen, Pop?

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POP: Yeah, I happened.

MOM (shoots Pop a look of puzzlement)

POP: I happened to get older.

MOM: So? 

POP: I get the feeling that the Facebook more and more is a younger person’s game.

MOM: I’m flattered, but I like using it to keep up.

POP: Sure. Keep up with the gossip.

MOM: Well, yeah, that too. But keep up with my old high school classmates, and our friends from the old neighborhood. See how they’re doing. Get and give recommendations. It’s very helpful.

POP: That’s nice. I agree. That’s Facebook at its best. Bringing people together who may not be in touch otherwise. Helping each other out. I get it.

MOM: So what’s the problem then?

POP: I don’t know, Mom. Maybe I’m just getting cranky in my silver fox phase.

MOM: There you go, humble braggin’ again, you bald sly fox you.

POP: Seriously, though. My patience gets the better of me when I peek at the Facebook.

MOM: You found it!

POP: What?

MOM: Your patience. I wondered where it went.

POP: Cute. But just today I saw a business post on the Facebook, “Happy Memorial Day.” 

MOM: Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe they asked a young kid to post something, and the kid didn’t know better.

POP: Maybe. You’re charitable, for sure. But “Happy” Memorial Day?! Talk about not getting it.

MOM: I’m sure they meant it well.

POP: Yeah, I guess. But it’s just not something I want to deal with any more. That kind of stuff that I just don’t get. 

MOM: People get confused by these holidays.

POP: You’re right. It started when they moved holidays to Mondays for our convenience. It’s taken a toll on a solemn day of remembrance like Memorial Day. Pure commercialization that waters down its significance. It’s a pity.

MOM: What other day would Memorial Day be on, Pop?

POP: Until 1970, it was on May 30, whether that was a Monday, Wednesday, or any other day of the week. Don’t you remember? You’re not that much younger than me.

MOM: I forgot.

POP: Join the crowd. That’s the problem. Too many have forgotten…

MOM: Oh, you’re just cranky because “Game of Thrones” is over.

POP: Maybe not. There’s a social media petition to have them re-make the final season.

MOM: Why?

POP: Because we didn’t like the way it ended. Why do you think?

MOM (laughing heartily): We? Oh, well, I guess when you and your fellow geniuses come up with $100 million to remake the final season, we’ll see whether you can do any better than Benioff and Weiss. You are a riot, Pop. 

POP: Laugh all you want. The petition has been signed by more than 1.5 million people.

MOM: Yes, I believe it. There are at least that many geeks like you obsessed with fantasy franchises who need to get a life.

POP: Hey, if people think asking Trader Joe’s to come to their town on the Facebook will get results, don’t count out us GoT geeks. 

MOM: I’ve seen those Trader Joe’s posts. Do you think they’ll work?

POP:  It depends. You need thousands of those posts, but I hear that’s how big box stores like Trader Joe’s decide where to add locations… 

MOM: Really?

POP: Yes. First, they tabulate how many posts on the Facebook ask them to come to a particular town. Then, they multiply that number by a factor of X that is derived from a hyperlocally sourced algorithm, which is then digitally encrypted and stored in a cigar box infused with styrofoam pellets. It’s a very scientific site selection process from what I hear.  

MOM: That’s right, now I remember.

POP: About Trader Joe’s?

MOM: Decoration Day. We used to call it that before it was changed to Memorial Day.

POP: Where’d that come from? But thank you for indulging your decrepit spouse. I guess you have to be a Baby Boomer—or beyond—to remember that the specific date of May 30 was set aside as the day we honor those who perished during their military service, by decorating their burial grounds. I guarantee you that anybody who says “Happy Memorial Day” does not know that.

MOM: Well, you’re old and they’re not, so stop envying them their youth.

POP: Youth. Is that a euphemism for naivete?

MOM: You’re a euphemism for doofus. It’s a reflex to say “Happy” whenever it’s a holiday. People don’t mean anything by it. 

POP: I’m afraid you’re right about that. It’s devoid of meaning.

MOM: Get over it. It’s nobody’s fault. It just is. And you’re just you.

POP: Maybe it is just me, Mom. I’m just not enjoying the Facebook as much these days.

MOM: What are you going to do about it?

POP: I may have to go cold turkey.

MOM: What will you do with that free time?

POP: What do you think? Binge watch all eight seasons of—

MOM: Oh, no! Don’t tell me...

POP: Don’t worry. You won’t get any spoilers from me.

MOM: Alright, then. Game on!

POP: You betcha! I don’t know about Trader Joe’s, but winter is coming!

Bruce “The Blog” Apar promotes local businesses, organizations, events and people through public relations agency APAR PR. He also is an actor, a community volunteer, and a contributor to several periodicals. Follow him as Bruce The Blog on social media. Reach him at bruce@aparpr.co or 914-275-6887.