Almost every behavior can be sub-divided into being enacted by two kinds of people. Do I really believe that? Let’s put it this way. I have space on this page to fill every week. That requirement—self-mandated though it is—gets you to thinking about all sorts of unusual things. This is one of them.
If I don’t believe my “Two Kinds of People” conceit as resolutely as, say, the unlikelihood of the Yankees winning this year’s World Series, I do believe it enough to indulge myself in this exercise, and bring you along for the free ride.
What also appeals to me about this somewhat frivolous pursuit is that it’s open-ended enough for me to return to time and again, when the great Muse of column-writing abandons me in my time of need.
The only rule of reading these is to, in each case, say the title of this article to yourself. They’ll make more sense that way, and it’ll save me precious space in the process.
One caveat is that, no matter how some of these snippets might read to you, I’m not being judgmental here. Wait. Yes, I am. Being judgmental doesn’t only apply to disapproving criticism. It applies, too, to approving observations. Besides, I am judging myself here as well. Like most everyone else, sometimes my glass is half full, sometimes it is half empty.
Hence, this is a form of self-education as well, to remind myself that every day is another chance to be a better version of me. There are two kinds of people. Those who use that corny cliché, and those who despise it. I’m both kinds, which I guess makes me two-faced. Here’s looking at me!
So, let’s begin, shall we…
Those who wear earbuds everywhere they go… and those who want to be serenaded by the natural ambient sounds of the world around them. (I wear earbuds on the train, take them out off the train.)
Those who volunteer… and those who complain about decisions made by volunteers. (It’s V for me.)
Those who awake at the sound of a tinkle… and those who sleep sounder than Rip Van Winkle. (I won’t even wake for an earthquake.)
Those whose television habits are ruled by appointment viewing… those who flip through channels until they settle on the “least objectionable program”—or LOP, an actual theory of television-viewing coined in the 1960s by an NBC executive. (I dabble in both.)
Those who watch water boil… and those who ask a smart speaker how long it will take water to boil and then tell the smart speaker to set the timer to that duration (I’ve started doing the latter.)
Those who drive to the city… and those who help decrease pollution by taking mass transit (I do both).
Those who attend or watch on the government channel town board meetings… and those who ask, “What town board meetings?” (I watch ‘em, and of course, I’m exaggerating about people not knowing there are meetings.)
Those who prefer an aisle seat… and those who like the window. (I’ll go aisle all the way.)
Those who wash their hands before exiting a public restroom… and those who hand you don’t want to shake after they exit a public restroom. (I’m a washer.)
Those who wear a hat in a restaurant… and those who stubbornly stick to the old-fashioned etiquette of removing it. (Like old-fashioned yours truly).
Those who use a hairdryer… and those who air dry hair. (I’m an airhead.)
Those who hug… and those who would just as soon avoid physical intimacy. (I can go either way.)
Those who are handy… and those who’ll call a handyman to screw in a lightbulb. (I plead the Fifth.)
Bruce “The Blog” Apar promotes local businesses, organizations, events, and people through public relations agency APAR PR. He also is an actor, a community volunteer, and a contributor to several periodicals. Follow him as Bruce The Blog on social media. Reach him at email@example.com or 914-275-6887.