Out Of My Head

September 5, 2018

I love a good ghost story. Book, TV show, movie—doesn’t matter. Scare the bejesus out of me and I’m a happy boy. I have no idea why that is. I’ll leave that to my therapist. I know some people avoid horror movies and thrillers like the plague, saying, “It will give me nightmares!” I guess I am ...

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This New Year’s Eve will mark the fifth anniversary of the day I quit smoking. I am not looking for any sort of accolade or pat on the back for doing something that was a no-brainer. I didn’t do it for health reasons. My motivation was purely economic. The price of a pack of cigarettes had ...

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To me, pizza is the perfect food. It contains all your major food groups: dairy, vegetables, bread and meat. It needs no alterations, no improvements, no changes. It is perfect in its pristine, glorious incarnation—unless you are in Chicago. I don’t know what the hell that thing is. But like ...

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Since its inception, Facebook has been a regular target of mockery and criticism—everything from, “Do I really need to see a picture of the pastrami sandwich you had for lunch?” to “Why did you help the Russians get Donald Trump elected?” No one likes to mock and criticize more than I do—just ...

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When I lived in Los Angeles, I was a senior editor for a magazine called Pool & Spa News. It was the leading trade magazine in North America for the swimming pool and hot tub industry. It was a fun and fascinating job—and I learned a lot. One of the many things I learned was about how pools ...

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A couple of weekends ago, I went up to the Koehler Senior Center to take a picture. The Senior Citizens of Mahopac had raised $510 for Toys for Tots and was going to present the check. Now, you may or may not know that Toys for Tots is a program started by the U.S. Marines, so we had a genuine ...

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My sister used to make fun of me because I didn’t do the Facebook thing.  It took me a long time to even go through the machinations of setting up an account—and I can’t recall the reasons I finally did it—and then once I did, I rarely used it. My sister said that made me a “creeper”—someone who ...

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I will never forget the look on my father’s face. He was not an overly emotional man—usually quick with a pithy remark or a roll of the eyes, but he seldom openly revealed when something was eating at him from the inside out. He grew up during the Great Depression. It was how they handled hard ...

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Do you think a bunch of fiery balls of gas, millions of lightyears away from you, can influence whether the boy you have a crush on will be receptive to your advances? Do those same balls of burning gasses, depending on the Earth’s position in the solar system during your time and day of birth, ...

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Remember the days when you would go to buy something, the clerk would tell you how much it actually cost and you then would give him that amount of money and be on your way? You: Yes, I would like to purchase your finest sphallolalia in taupe, please. You don’t have taupe, mauve will ...

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I don’t like guns. There. I said it. The cat is out of the bag. Does that make me a snowflake; a social justice warrior? I sure hope so. To be honest with you, if I woke up tomorrow morning and discovered that guns no longer existed—that every one of them had been tossed into the deepest ...

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The eminent German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche once said the greatest thing ever: “Without music, life would be a mistake.”  I don’t always agree with eminent German philosophers, but on this front, I believe that ol’ Friedrich was spot-on. Music has played a huge role in my life and I truly ...

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Neither of my parents went to college, so their dream was to one day be able to send their kids off to a fancy university and perhaps a better life.  That was back in the ‘70s and ‘80s when most people thought education was a good thing. I remember those public service announcements on TV that ...

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Paranoia strikes deep/Into your life it will creep/It starts when you are always afraid—Stephen Stills Over in neighboring Yorktown a couple of weeks ago, the town board there had a plan before it to convert an old, abandoned railroad spur into a hiking/biking trail and connect it to the town’s ...

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