This is the third in a series of pieces from Millburn High School's award-winning literary magazine, WORD, that will be published on TAP Into.net once a week. The author, Louis Danowsky, graduated Millburn High School as a member of the Class of 2015. He was a Senior Editor of WORD, and will be attending Northwestern University this fall.

 

Dear College I Do Not Want To Attend:

I unsubscribed from your email list a matter of weeks ago. But to this day, my inbox is flooded with emails that blather on about how I am a perfect fit for the student body. These suspiciously welcoming and friendly emails mean that you are either an institution completely beneath me trying to entice me with scholarships or a school so far above me you want me to apply to bolster your rejection rates. You are definitely not a school on my holy “college list”—one that pretends I do not exist. But I digress. I’m just here to say that I have no interest in the diverse ethnicities and nationalities of the student body at your school. I have no interest in your study abroad opportunities in Antarctica and Timbuktu. I have no interest in the $100 million grant some old white man donated to build a new lab. And I will tell you, once and for all, there can only be one top institution in this country, and you are the one-hundredth university to make that claim.

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You know, this application process is so incredibly stressful for me. My guidance counselor even told me that my chances of getting into my top choice are about as good as me not getting emails from you. What kind of guidance is that? I’ve worked my tail off for the past four years—fighting tooth and nail to hack the school’s computer system and change my grades to A’s—only to be told that my dreams are hopeless! These emails only add to my emotional turmoil, and if I fall down a dark and dreary path, I will sue! This is America, after all.

Then again, your food was rated third best in the country, and alcohol there is really cheap, and there’s a higher percentage of students in the Greek system than enrolled in classes. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll possibly give your school my consideration... Who am I kidding? Where do I apply?

Dammit,

Prospective Student

 

The Millburn High School Literary Magazine, Word, is a juried publication that showcases the extraordinary talents of this school's writers, artists, photographers, craftspeople and illustrators. The editors and staff take the process of creating the magazine very seriously. We hold regular open meetings from September to February to read submissions and to identify potential pieces for inclusion in the next volume. Then we choose selections that exemplify the diversity and strength of our student body and spend several months working on a unifying theme, on layout and production. Since we are constantly amazed by the abilities of our peers, we consider the magazine a tribute to the virtuosity, skill and creativity of our student body.

To download the 2015 edition, follow this link:

www.edline.net/files/_FMDaI_/dfc2703586d6272e3745a49013852ec4/WORD_The_High_School_Literary_Magazine_2015_Volume_12.pdf