MIDDLE TOWNSHIP - Maybe it was a fight over the last six-pack of generic cola, or maybe there was a special deal on an odd batch of drain cleaner or Halloween candy from 2015. Whatever the case, cops are investigating the fight between two guys yesterday at a dollar store. One guy is facing aggravated assault charges from the brouhaha yesterday, after he attacked another customer in the store and then cut him outside with a knife, NJ.com reports. The weapon, by the way, did not appear to come from the store, where the irregular knives do not feature a serrated edge. 

JERSEY CITY - Whoever was able to unfurl a giant banner on the Statue of Liberty yesterday, declaring "Refugees Welcome," has certainly ticked off the National Parks Service, assigned to protect the lady in the harbor. The investigation is ongoing, after the 3-by-20-foot banner was hung from the public observation desk at the top of the pedestal and was displayed for about an hour. The stunt coincided with an announcement from the Department of Homeland Security unveiling tighter immigration enforcement. It looks like they found some extra people to deport. 

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BRIGANTINE - As you enjoy this beautiful weather, and thank the heavens for all this climate change that will likely destroy the Earth, you are not the only one appreciating the moment. NJ 101.5 reports things have been unbelievably quiet at the Marine Mammal Stranding Center in Brigantine, which spends the winter saving all the beached seals. But because ocean temperatures have been warmer - perhaps because of all that wafting smog from China - the seals have been perfectly fine. They are still able to find food in the winter months, so they are not weakened. Business at the stranding center has been so slow that workers are now just caring for one little harbor seal, who is getting plenty of extra attention for her wounded flipper.

ATLANTIC CITY - Apparently, there are plenty of jobs in the casinos. Even though 11,000 jobs were slashed over the past few years as the industry crashed and burned, the AP reports that the seven remaining casinos have a total of 830 unfilled positions. Most are crappy jobs, like part-time, seasonal or temporary, cleaning rooms in god-awful condition. And these jobs don't offer the many perks offered during the industry's heyday, with pensions, decent health insurance, etc. But if you are looking to be a dealer, or maybe get into management, you can perhaps find a job that pays $15 an hour. Yeah, nothing glamorous here. But it is a foot in a door that we assumed was shut, locked and perma-sealed.  


NEW YORK - Have lunch plans? No? Good! Because you only have until Sunday to get to Times Square to grab some Pop-Tart Pizza. Maybe with a side of chili Pop-Tart fries, or maybe Pop-Tart Tacos. And wash it all down with a nice, cold Pop-Tart milkshake. It's all part of the pop-up Pop Tarts Café, which is open now, due to popular demand. But is set to close soon, also likely due to popular demand.   

NEW WILMINGTON, PA. - Maybe next time, he won't ignore mom. An 18-year-old student at Westminster College recently received a care package from home - containing the trash he promised to take to the curb the last time he visited. Asked for comment, the student says, his mom "knows what to say at the exact time she should say it."


It was this day in 1992 that Ed McMahon, 69, married Pamela Hurn, 37. Wedding night cliché: "Heeere's Johnny!"


Mayhap [MAY-hap] - adverb 

Definition: Perhaps 

Example: I giggled mayhap too loud when I learned my new boss is Mr. Butt.