OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY
EAST RUTHERFORD - With the first overtime Super Bowl just hours behind us, the confetti still littering the field and Lady Gaga probably still under NRG Stadium somewhere, the Vegas bookies are already talking about next season and taking some action on the big game in Minneapolis on Feb. 4, 2018. There's already tremendously little excitement about our local teams - the Giants and Jets. The bookies give the Giants 20-to-1 odd of winning Super Bowl LII. The Jets? C'mon. 100-to-1.
PATERSON - With word that Wawa is suing a local convenience store named Dawa for trademark infringement, what's next? Lawsuits for Dairy King and Burger Queen? Wawa says Dawa is taking advantage of a hard-earned reputation that has expanded the chain to an impressive 700 stores in six states. The ma-and-pop folks at Dawa, who lawyers will soon ground into a fine dust, meekly explain that Dawa is a casual way to say "come in" in Korean and is interpreted to mean "welcome." Wawa's response: "We wish them nothing but success. Just without our name included."
PARAMUS - It still remains unclear who will pay for the damage from the two-ton, run-away Target ball that wreaked havoc in a parking lot. A Paramus woman says her car sustained $3,500 in damage at the Paramus store, after a pick-up truck hit one of those big-red balls in front of the store. It then rolled through the parking lot, hitting her car. She says Target refuses to pay for the damage and suggests she go find the pick-up driver.
As a side note: Hey, did you hear Target plans to open its first retail store in Bangladesh? Tags on clothes will read "Made Here."
CLIFTON - Get a room, fellas. Good advice for two amorous men caught engaging in sex acts on a display bed at a Bed Bath & Beyond during business hours. Cops charged two 28-year-olds - one from Nutley and the other, North Carolina - with lewdness and criminal mischief. Worse: Police told the Record one or both had scabies, a skin-burrowing parasitic infection. So, the police booking area got fumigated, the arresting officers got treated for exposure, and managers at the Route 3 store gave the entire bedding display the heave-ho so customers wouldn't get the heebie-jeebies.
IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS
OTTAWA, Ontario - Something was definitely up with a Canadian mint worker who set off metal detectors 28 times in 41 days while punching out of work. The culprit was this guy's rectum, where authorities say he used Vaseline to hide 22 gold nuggets, one at a time, to sneak past mint security. The worker only got caught after he sold 18 nuggets to a gold exchange, then paid for a pricey Jamaican vacation home and fishing boat. Last week, Ontario Judge Peter Doody - yep, that's really his name - gave the worker three years in in the slammer and ordered him to repay $146,000.
THIS DAY IN HISTORY
It was this day in 2014 that action movie star Steven Segal, age 61, mulled a run for Arizona governor. But would an unqualified, unknowing entertainer really have a chance to win such a powerful position?
WORD OF THE DAY
Bigly [bɪɡlɪ] - adjective
Definition: Comfortably habitable
Example: Donald Trump promises we will all win bigly, offering his own special definition of the word.
WEATHER IN A WORD
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