Jaffe Morning Briefing - January 27, 2017

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OUR TAKE ON THE NEWS IN NEW JERSEY

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL - The Wiz is apparently winning the Twitter race. Among our wide and growing field of gubernatorial hopefuls, Assemblyman John Wisniewski seems to be a real whiz at building his Twitter following, now at 14,100, and handily defeating frontrunner Phil Murphy. Comparisons from Politickernj show Sen. Ray Lesniak is a distant second with 7,400 followers. Lesniak drops to third if comedian Joe Piscopo stops joking around long enough to declare his candidacy. Time will tell if anyone's tweeting translates to ... ya know, actual votes. For candidates with lackluster followings, we suggest spewing a rash of petulant, predawn tweets. It seems to work wonders.

DENVILLE - If you drive recklessly around a school bus, expect a ticket. That's because of nifty new high-tech cameras the township has installed outside of its 30 school buses, WABC reports. If you zoom around a stopped bus, ignore the kiddies trying to cross the road, or act like an idiot in any other way, you will be caught on Candid Camera and should expect some wonderful mail, courtesy of your humorless pals at the Denville Police Department.  

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STATEWIDE - If you are reading this, chances are you finally meandered into work, grabbed a cup of coffee, greeted your co-workers, wiped off your computer screen, checked Facebook and adjusted the thermostat. And, it's like 10:30 a.m. CareerBuilder says tardiness to work is a chronic problem, and the publication is now offering the latest stats. Twenty-five percent of workers admit to being late once a month, and 13 percent say they are late at least once a week. CareerBuilder reports some of the most outrageous excuses:  

  • I thought of quitting today, but then decided not to, so I came in late. 
  • My hair caught on fire from my blow dryer. 
  • I was detained by Homeland Security. 
  • My lizard had to have emergency surgery in the morning and died during surgery. 
  • I had to finish watching "My Name is Earl." 
  • All of my clothes were stolen. 
  • A Vaseline truck overturned on the highway and cars were slipping left and right.

PENNSVILLE - Move over pork roll. Here come..."Zoagies?" These deep-fried hoagies, chock full of fried chicken, shrimp or fish and drenched in special sauces, are apparently the latest culinary craze from South Jersey. People are driving miles for Zoagies, the accidental creation of Ezell Barnes - a singing, rhyming grease truck cook - who peddles his mouth-watering creations seven days a week from a van outside a Route 49 gas station. Barnes tells the South Jersey Times he's in it for the long haul: "Here at Zoagies, we're not looking for a one-time fling or one-night stand. We want a long-term relationship." 

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS 

STATEN ISLAND, NY - And speaking of pork, a city family has only four more days to get rid of the family pet, a 185-pound potbelly pig named Wilbur. City officials say it is an enormous health hazard to have a pet pig, an obvious violation of health codes, and wants Wilbur gone by the end of the month, 1010 WINS reports. New York State Sen. Tony Avella, a mayoral candidate who sees a trough of votes, is now rushing to the family's aid, eager to talk to the press about how Wilbur has been a "therapy pig" for the dad for the past five years. The mayoral hopeful is now introducing legislation to allow pigs in New York City - a terrific law, if it was the year 1859 and roads north of Central Park were dirt paths. 

CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Hey, if the casino's ATM is busted, whatcha gonna do? In the case of one West Virginia man, you put down a $25 chip to hold your spot at the table, rush out to a bank, rob it, and get back to the blackjack before your Bud Light gets warm. The Charleston Gazette-Mail reports the 52-year-old gambler pleaded guilty to robbery on Wednesday, following the Aug. 2 incident at the Mardi Gras Casino in Nitro and the bank, about 13 miles away in Charleston. In an effort to get some leniency from the judge, the gambler explained he'd taken quite a few drugs that day. Wow. He's facing at least five years in jail.

THIS DAY IN HISTORY 

Hard to believe the iPad has been around for only seven years, launched this day in 2010. 

WORD OF THE DAY 

Omnibus [AHM-nih-bus] - adjective 

Definition: Containing or including many items  

Example: When Congress passes an omnibus bill, will the President assume it is in regards to motor vehicles? 

WEATHER IN A WORD 

Clouds

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