PRINCETON – When you have a $26.1 billion endowment, it’s really tough to cry poverty. But, apparently, hard times have befallen Princeton University, announcing it is suspending salary increases, restricting hiring and will have a “decreased dependence” on hourly and contracted workers. Employees are rightfully ticked, NJ.com reports, questioning how a school that has an endowment larger than the economies of countries like Iceland and El Salvador is neglecting its most vulnerable employees in this time of crisis. Good point. Yet university officials say there have to be “hard choices.” Perhaps the filet served in the faculty dining room will now be limited to 12 ounces.



BEDMINSTER – There hasn’t been an Ivanka Trump story here for a while, so here goes: The First Daughter is taking some unleavened lumps for travelling from DC to one of the Trump properties for the first night of Passover. The New York Times assumes it wouldn’t have been such a big deal if she wasn’t one of the hugest proponents of people staying at home. It’s the old case of “Do as I say, not as I do,” as she, Jared and their three kiddies jetted off to Bedminster to spend time with Elijah. “Those lucky enough to be in a position to stay at home, please, please do so,” she said, before slurping the matzo ball soup, surrounded by loved ones.

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STATEWIDE – Haters gonna hate, scammers gonna scam – even in this pandemic. Now they are trying to part folks from desperately needed cash — even the federal stimulus money that the IRS is sending to people by check or direct deposit. NJ Spotlight passes on a warning from the state Division of Consumer Affairs for all of us, especially seniors, to be on the alert for these creeps, who are trying to worm and phish their way into the kind of personal information that could allow them to do a lot of damage to people’s shaky finances. They’re trying to trap us with fake mandatory COVID-19 test alerts, phony charities, bogus travel insurance pitches and variations on “Hey, Grandpa, please wire me a thousand bucks.” Stay ahead of these soon-to-be “Knuckleheads of the Day.”



KNUCKLEHEAD OF THE DAY
ISELIN – It’s bad enough that people have been hoarding toilet paper like it’s the a-poop-alypse. But now comes word that a knucklehead has knocked off an Iselin business, making off with about 1,500 N95 respirator masks. The Middlesex County Prosecutor’s Office says Kevin Brady, 49, of Point Pleasant Beach, was working as an on-site electrician at Prudential Financial when he helped himself to seven or eight cases – each containing 200 much-needed masks. No word about what the mask marauder was going to do with them, but Prudential was planning to donate them to health care heroes on the front lines of the battle 

KNUCKLEHEAD SCORE:
4 out of 5 Murphies




BRIEFING BREATHER: The longest recorded flight of a chicken was 13 seconds.


IN THE MEDIA
ON THE AIR – Here’s something fun as you face another weekend at home. It’s NJ 101.5’s “Rockin’ Your Mask” contest. Host Jeff Deminski is giving New Jerseyans a chance at a $100 Visa gift card (enough for maybe two six-packs of Charmin). Here’s the gist: Snap a selfie, or some photos of your spouse or kids in their funniest, most fashionable or unusual anti-coronavirus masks, homemade or store-bought. Email them to Deminski & Doyle’s producers to see them posted on the show’s website. Act fast … Deminski draws the randomly selected winner on Monday.


Photo: NJ 101.5


IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS


PALM BEACH, FL. – Not one. For the first time ever, there is not one animal for adoption in the Palm Beach kennel. Shelter staff took to Facebook to clap and cheer in celebration, showcasing all the empty cages, as people rush to adopt animals to help them shelter in place. The kennel should remain with a pretty light population, as it is now only accommodating “emergency surrenders” in cases of cruelty.



BUFFALO – The owner of a local jigsaw puzzle company never imagined it would be such a banner year for his company. But it appears the nation’s largest puzzle manufacturer will soon be selling out of all inventory in the coming days. Weekly demand has skyrocketed 1,500%, with more than 1 million puzzles sold since the widespread outbreak of the virus last month, WKBW-TV reports. Even though people are desperate for mindless activity, the puzzle company is not considered an “essential service,” like gun and liquor stores. The company has been idled for weeks and is no longer accepting orders. You may be forced to raid your own stash in the attic; you may still have that old puzzle depicting Strawberry Shortcake.



THIS DAY IN HISTORY


It was this day in 2012 that Warren Buffet scoffs with a hearty, maniacal laugh, with word the financial titan has prostate cancer.


WORD OF THE DAY


Vanilla – [vuh-NILL-uh] – adjective

Definition: Lacking distinction; plain, ordinary

Example: No one can say that Greg Meyers – celebrating a big birthday today – has a vanilla personality.


WIT OF THE DAY


“No one can whistle a symphony. It takes a whole orchestra to play it.”


- H.E. Luccock


TODAY'S TRUMPISM

“Crazy Nancy Pelosi deleted this from her Twitter account. She wanted everyone to pack into Chinatown long after I closed the BORDER TO CHINA. Based on her statement, she is responsible for many deaths. She’s an incompetent, third-rate politician!”

- Donald J. Trump


WEATHER IN A WORD
Turning

THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun