FAIRFIELD - Unclear who is doing new employee screenings at a local business, as a brand new employee is charged with stealing $100,000 in cash on his very first day on the job. NJ 101.5 reports that a business named Garda allegedly learned of the theft after some revealing surveillance footage surfaced. Before cops were called, company officials found $86,000 stuffed in the 19-year-old employee's parked car. The glorious kicker to this story: Garda happens to be a security company, assigned to protect peoples' money.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL - It's sure been tough for Lt. Gov. Kim Guadagno to build any excitement over her announcement for lieutenant governor. First, the story was leaked two days before the grand announcement, popping the balloon. And then, when the big announcement was finally made, her boss, Gov. Chris Christie promptly threw some water on it. Christie says running mates "don't matter" (No offense, Kim) and won't help secure some deep-pocketed campaign cash from across the nation. "'If a race is competitive, they invest in it. If a race isn't, they don't," Christie told reporters. And, another extremely small source of frustration: we don't bother to mention the name of the lieutenant governor candidate in this blurb.

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WANTAGE - While our ultimate goal this morning is to not to burn ourselves on the office coffee pot, a 102-year-old Wantage man has already achieved his ultimate goal: to jump out of a plane. Ken Meyer, a great-grandfather who has seen two world wars, is now the oldest person to have completed a tandem skydive, which he accomplished yesterday over the skies of Sussex County, the New Jersey Herald reports.

JERSEY CITY - Can you name the five New Jersey municipalities that are hyphenated? Or list the state's signers to the Declaration of Independence? Or know the only town in the state with a covered bridge? If so, you may have been the big winner at last night's NJ Spotlight inaugural trivia contest, which is now sure to be an annual event. There were 14 teams comprising some very impressive people from all walks of government and policy, in friendly competition that luckily featured beer and wine. The Dream Team came in a not-too-shabby second place, with only 364 more days to retool, study and strategize for next year's competition. Players included Scott D'Aloise, Mark Di Ionno, Jonathan Jaffe, Tom Neff, Marc Pfeiffer and Bruno Tedeschi.


WASHINGTON - When you start saying such vulgar comments to reporters that are too offensive for this space, then you have a problem. Luckily, school is out, and none of our kids' teachers are reading this newsletter, with all these insane quotes from the bombastic, ego-centric White House Communication Director - on the record - to The New Yorker. Dumb, rookie mistakes, with plenty of outrageous bluster, that even a junior level staffer at a mediocre, mid-level PR firm would have more common sense than to ever commit. We gotta ask: Where does the President find these people?


LONDON - It could be the most bizarre museum in the world, where you won't believe what is considered "art." At Viktor Wynd's Museum of Curiosities, featuring finds from McDonald's Happy Meal toys to condoms confiscated from a hotel room where the Rolling Stones slept. But what is probably the "feces de resistance" (chuckle, chuckle,) is a jar that supposedly contains the late pop singer Amy Winehouse's poop. And - get this - customers can pay extra to give it a whiff. Ridiculous? Moronic? Well, the museum gets about 500 paying customers a week, HuffPo reports.



It was on this day in 1978 that American got its first glimpse of the Deltas of "Animal House," the box-office smash that reinvented the toga party and could probably be the most quoted movie ever: "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son."


Ballon - [buh-LAWN] - noun

Definition: The lightness and grace of movement that makes a dancer appear buoyant.

Example: The President's new communication director, Anthony Scaramucci, is like a ballon, gleefully prancing around the briefing room.