** It is Conference Season! The Jaffe Briefing is Away Beginning Monday, May 15, Returning Tuesday, May 30**


IN THE CLASSROOM - Brainiacs and nerds can now win varsity letters in high school, just like the jocks. Gov. Chris Christie - the state's official bully - just signed legislation letting school districts award varsity letters to awkward whiz kids who can't catch a football, or run the 50-yard dash in under an hour. But these kids can play chess like Bobby Fischer; or shame our gubernatorial candidates in a debate; or build robots out of bobby pins. Amazing it took a state law to have this revenge of the nerds. 

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PARSIPPANY - Perhaps your party is a wee-bit loud, when it takes cops from 12 different jurisdictions to break it up. There were 400 or so revelers squeezed into a house on Saturday night, when local police gently tapped the front door to mention a couple of issues. As cops told the 21-year-old resident to get the people out, fights broke out on the back deck of the house, forcing police to break up a melee, the NY Post reports. But then the crowd encircled the officers, and it began to look like a mosh pit. Cops called for backup, bringing in officers from 11 other towns, including the State Police, all perhaps curious if there was any more red punch.  

SCOTCH PLAINS/FANWOOD - Lacrosse coach Nick Miceli had big ideas for helping five-year-old Liam Donovan celebrate his birthday. Donovan, born with a rare condition called Wolf-Hirschhorn syndrome and is not expected to walk or talk, served as honorary captain for the Raiders when they played Hillsborough Tuesday, according to TAPintoSPF.net. The team presented the boy with a birthday card and picture, a lacrosse jersey, and a pack of chocolate milk with straws (a special gift for Liam, who first was able to drink from a straw a couple months ago). "This is a kid celebrating using a straw. We shouldn't complain about the little things," Miceli said. There was a game, too. Scotch Plains-Fanwood won, 15-8.

TOMS RIVER - A plan to crackdown on drones was grounded after drone-enthusiasts argued the Town Council's proposed restrictions for being too over-the-top. The ordinance would have required all drone owners to pay a $70 yearly registration fee, prohibit drones from flying lower than 400 feet, and whack violators with fines up to $2,000 and 90 days in jail. The Asbury Park Press says the measure was drafted after residents complained that some nosy real estate agents are using drones to take pictures, videos and collect data about their leafy neighborhoods.  

WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP - This councilwoman has earned our vote, after clinching her lifelong dream to become a Philadelphia Eagle cheerleader. Dana Pasqualone has been auditioning to be a NFL cheerleader for 10 years, making the finals on more than one occasion, NJ.com says. But, in Monday's competition among 60 final contestants, the 28-year-old Republican finally clinched a spot on the 35-member squad for 2017. Bet she can adopt one heckuva an ordinance.


BROOKLYN PARK, Minn. - For politicians, dead people often make the best voters. But Minnesota Sen. Amy Klobuchar wants one officially-dead guy to be alive again, helping him deal with the maddening IRS who officially decreed him deceased 29 years ago, when he was just four years old. KMSP-TV reports that Sen. Klobuchar managed to reverse the false declaration. Congratulations, Adam Ronning, on being alive again. Now he's demanding $20,000 in tax returns the IRS has held up, after repeatedly questioning over the years if Ronning is really breathing, or just faking it.


Bet you are dying to know what President Carter did on this day in 1977. Here you go: 

7 a.m.: Received a wake-up call from the White House switchboard  

7:30 a.m.: In office, fielding phone calls and conducting quick in-person meetings with Vice President Walter Mondale, cabinet members, congressional representatives and advisors.  

Noon: 45-minute lunch with his wife, Rosalynn, on the second floor of the president's residential quarters  

1 p.m.: Returned to the Oval Office for an afternoon of meetings and phone calls.  

4:30 p.m.: Someone noted he had spoken with or met 16 different people, some for just one minute. The afternoon's longest work-related conversation? 20 minutes. 

4:34 p.m.: Left office  

4:48 p.m.: On the White House tennis court, playing two games with Office of Management and Budget Director Thomas "Bert" Lance.  

6:55 p.m.: Shower 

7:05 p.m.: Another quiet meal with Rosalynn and two female guests 

8 p.m.: Saw Mozart's The Barber of Seville at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. 

11:20 p.m.: Returned to White House via limousine motorcade.  

11:40 p.m.: Lights out 

(Did you really just read all that?) 


Erstwhile - [ERST-wile] - adverb 

Definition: In the past: formerly  

Example: What had erstwhile been a dental laboratory is now renovated and the new home of Jaffe Communications.