DEMAREST – Now, the waiter is left holding the bag. The Alpine Country Club, facing a lawsuit from a ticked-off member when a waiter spilled wine on her $30,000 handbag, is now blaming the waiter. The woman says her discontinued pink Hermes Kelly bag was positively ruined and the country club is refusing to make good. She sued the club last month. New court filings, discovered by the NY Post, say the club is now squarely placing the blame on the anonymous waiter, known as John Doe. The “victim” and her lawyers are furious that the country club is passing the buck to an employee, who likely doesn’t have an extra $30,000 sitting around, nor the extra resources to defend himself in court. The club member, through her lawyer, says the target here is not the waiter; it’s the club and its need to take responsibility for the flub.

STATEWIDE – To skeptics, “technology addiction” sounds like a joke, especially as the state fights addiction to opioids. But it’s a real problem — recognized by the World Health Organization as a “gaming disorder.” And it’s not just the kids. One young man spent so much time on dating sites that he couldn’t chat up an actual, real life girl. And seniors have been known to burn a hole in their nest eggs, buying random stuff on eBay. Doctors are now designing treatments. Meanwhile, adults spend an average of 11 hours a day using electronic media of all varieties; nearly 40 percent involves online activities on computers, smartphones or internet-connected TVs. NJSpotlight suggests we all take a break. Call a friend; re-introduce yourself to your spouse. We’ll be here when you get back. 

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VOORHEES – This puppy probably has one thrilling tale to tell, if she could only talk about her 24-hour abduction. The 12-week-old Great Pyrenees mix named “Phoenix” got swiped Saturday from an outdoor kennel at Voorhees Animal Orphanage, touching off a social media blitz and a police search for her abductor. The Courier-Post says pledges of a $500 reward and adoption offers poured into the shelter. There was a big crack in the case Sunday afternoon, when PetSmart employees found Phoenix abandoned in their Berlin store’s restroom, four miles away. Animal shelter staff says the perky pooch is now getting adopted, while cops are still looking for the culprit.

EAST RUTHERFORD – It is fortunate that the owner of American Dream owns a mega mall. When stores open there eventually, he will need to go on an extensive shopping spree to replace the $140,000 worth of watches, jewelry and purses stolen from his luxury home in the Bronx. At least one thief gained access Saturday through a second-floor balcony and fled with the loot. No arrests yet, but expect the NYPD to have plenty of camera footage from a private rental community where homes are priced around $7 million or so.

ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL – Maybe it is time to hang it up, at least for this round. Sen. Cory Booker is still banging around the Presidential primary, even though the latest Quinnipiac poll released yesterday puts his support at just 1% of Democratic primary voters, tied for eighth with three other candidates. Booker is a solid candidate with a strong message, but with Mike Bloomberg now sniffing around the race, the competition is overwhelming. Silver lining: There’s always the Veep sweepstakes.

IN THE MEDIA

MADISON, Wis. – Media everywhere is a bit stunned with the boobs at theLafayette County Conservation Committee, set to vote today on a mandate ordering reporters to either print an upcoming press release without any edits or face prosecution. Unclear if the person who actually concocted this resolution ever perused the First Amendment, or perhaps is convinced he/she resides in a gulag somewhere in Stalin’s Russia. But, here in America, such a resolution is outrageously unconstitutional and downright frightening. It all stems from a study measuring contamination in private wells revealing that 91% contained human or livestock feces. County officials didn’t like the subsequent headlines, deeming the news coverage to be slander for all the good people of southwestern Wisconsin, prompting the proposed resolution. It reads: “Under no circumstances is the media allowed to glean information and selectively report it in order to interpret the results for their own means.” Oh, please. Here’s hoping the local media gleans the hell out of it.

IN OTHER IMPORTANT NEWS

ALL OVER – Call us chicken, but we aren’t risking our lives to buy a chicken sandwich at Popeyes. Yet we can’t say the same for others, slugging it out across the country. Check out the police blotter: A 28-year-old Maryland man was stabbed to death at a Popeyes in Oxon Hill after he appeared to cut the line. A Popeyes employee in Columbia, Tenn. thought it made sense to body slam a 55-year-old customer when she claimed to be overcharged for a sandwich. She suffered a broken knee and six cracked ribs. A man brandished a gun in Texas when he learned the local Popeyes was out of chicken sandwiches, demanding employees hand one over. And a brawl broke out in Brooklyn, after a woman thought she bought the last sandwich in the restaurant and it was handed to someone else. Um, what is happening here?

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

On this day in 2014, the U.S. and China agreed to cut greenhouse gases, with President Obama setting a goal of at least a 26 percent reduction over 2005 levels by 2025. And now?

WORD OF THE DAY

Ukase – [yoo-KAYSS] – noun

Definition: Order, command

Example: America eagerly awaits the next ukase from the President.

WIT OF THE DAY

“Stupidity combined with arrogance and a huge ego will get you a long way.”

― Chris Lowe

TODAY'S TRUMPISM

“We won with poorly educated. I love the poorly educated.”

- Donald J. Trump

WEATHER IN A WORD

Soaker

THE NEW 60
A Jaffe Briefing Exclusive
by Andy Landorf & John Colquhoun