Coffee, Tea or Fleas?

f87d19c0db5a719c6b3e_mouse-airlines.jpg
f87d19c0db5a719c6b3e_mouse-airlines.jpg
Two ducks are on a flight to Miami.  The first duck says to the second, “you flying south for the winter?”  The second duck replies, “Oh wow, a talking emotional support duck!”
 
Pa rum pum.
 
There have been a lot of news stories lately about animals traveling on airplanes.  Some are humorous, like the woman who recently tried to bring her pet peacock on a plane to Los Angeles.  And some, like the family that was forced to put their small bull dog in an oxygen deprived overhead compartment, end tragically.  
 
 
And some stories are just bewildering.  Like the most recent story of a German Shepherd flying to Kansas City landing in Tokyo.  The poor family expecting to collect their beloved pet at baggage claim were instead greeted by a Great Dane.  I mean, if you are going to misdirect a German Shepherd wouldn’t you at least expect him to wind up in Munich?  And where did the Great Dane come from?  Copenhagen? 
 
Cats, dogs, miniature horses, pigs, goats, parakeets, ducks, and goldfish.  All have traveled on airplanes as emotional support pets.  And according to the airlines, their numbers are on the rise.  So much so that airlines have recently cracked down on the kinds of animals that can be brought aboard their flying arks as pets free to roam about the cabin.
 
Cats and dogs are OK.  But other animals, likes snakes, rodents, or animals with tusks or talons may be turned away.   I am guessing piranha and killer whales are problematic too.  And maybe cockroaches.
 
And in order to bring your beloved pet onboard, you need to present a certificate from a mental health professional that your animal is, in fact, needed.  You may also have to come up with proof that the animal is well behaved and house trained.

 
Fortunately for me, that is pretty easy to get.  Because I am taking a long flight to San Francisco and I want to take my favorite gray mouse on the airplane with me. 
 
With very little effort I find a doctor that is willing to help. 
 
I can’t travel without my mouse, I tell her.  I get very anxious when I am on the road and it is not around.   
 
She asks what kind of mouse it is.  I tell her it is a wireless mouse.
 
She comments that I must be very attached to my mouse.  I say no, that’s the whole point.  It’s a wireless mouse. 
 
She asks if my mouse has a name.  I tell her Microsoft.
 
She asks if my mouse poops or pees frequently.  I tell her not at all, but I always keep in on a mouse pad anyway.
 
She wants to know how exactly my mouse supplies emotional support.
 
I explain to her that because of my long legs, sitting in cramped airline seats is very uncomfortable.  And with the tray table down there is barely enough room for my laptop and that because my fingers are so big I don’t have the dexterity to manipulate a trackpad efficiently.    
 
I tell her that due to my physical limitations I desperately need a mouse to operate my computer.  And because there is no room on the tray table for my mouse I am unable to use my computer and what with the guy next to me spilling out over the armrests and the lady in front of me crushing her seat back into my knee caps I get very anxious and need to access my laptop in order to maintain my sanity.
 
On long flights I like to watch Ace Ventura, Pet Detective I tell her.
 
I sell it pretty hard and request that the doctor classify my mouse as a service mouse so that I can maybe get a preferred seat with extra room.  But then I realize this is highly selfish, and unfair to those people with real disabilities that may need a service dog.  So I ask if she will classify my mouse as an emotional support mouse instead. 
 
She instantly agrees because I am actually communicating with her over an Internet chat window and have paid a small fee up front for the certification.  Besides, I doubt she is a real doctor.  She may not even be a she.  She is probably be a computer response bot somewhere in somebody’s bedroom.
 
At the flight gate I show the attendant my authentic support mouse certificate and ask please for a seat with some extra leg room and a place to comfortably hold my support mouse and use my computer.  Maybe something in first class, I suggest politely.
 
Regrettably, it doesn’t always work.  On my six hour flight my mouse and I were placed in a middle seat in the back row across from the restrooms.
 
Next to a woman with an emotional support cat. 
 
 

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Newton

Sparta Police: License Plate Trouble Uncovers Suspended License and Warrant

April 11, 2018

SPARTA, NJ – A man driving a truck without a license plate was arrested for having an outstanding $2500 warrant.  On February 42 around 8 a.m. Cpl. Craig Grauerholz stopped Elioesal Gomez driving gray Ford pulling a trailer driven, police report.

The 25-year-old Salem resident was taken into custody when the warrant from Plesgrove was discovered.  Gomez’s license had been ...

Upcoming Events

Sun, April 22, 1:00 PM

Van Kirk Homestead Museum, Sparta

Life Along the Wallkil River

Education

Sun, April 29, 3:30 PM

Codey Arena, West Orange

Girls Try Hockey Free Clinic

Sports

Fri, May 4, 7:00 PM

Sparta Evangelical Free Church, Sparta

Veritas Christian Academy presents The Music Man

Arts & Entertainment

Carousel_image_1d32c56f1d9651d97a4d_4571683b0fc541ec405e_360_x_300_image_for_website_posts_copy

Sun, May 6, 7:00 AM

Liberty State Park, Jersey City

11th Annual Susan G. Komen North Jersey Race for ...

Health & Wellness

Sun, May 13, 1:00 PM

Van Kirk Homestead Museum, Sparta

Life Along the Wallkil River

Education

Sun, May 27, 1:00 PM

Van Kirk Homestead Museum, Sparta

Life Along the Wallkil River

Education

Sun, June 10, 1:00 PM

Van Kirk Homestead Museum, Sparta

Life Along the Wallkil River

Education

Sun, June 24, 1:00 PM

Van Kirk Homestead Museum, Sparta

Life Along the Wallkil River

Education

The Issue of Alternatives to Elected School Boards

April 14, 2018

The time of electing local school boards should come to an end. According to the National School Boards Association, “the local school board is a critical public link to public schools. Whether elected or appointed, school board members serve their communities in several important ways. First and foremost, school boards look out for students. Education is not a line item on the school ...

Buy A Home To Build Your Family's Wealth

Over the next five years, home prices are expected to appreciate, on average, by 3.6% per year and to grow by 18.2% cumulatively, according to Pulsenomics’ most recent Home Price Expectation Survey. Team Nest Builder wants you to understand what that means for homeowners and their equity positions.

As an example, let’s assume a young couple purchased and closed on a $250,000 home ...

Now’s the Time to Buy Your NJ Luxury Home

House no longer fits your needs? Planning on buying a New Jersey luxury home? Now is the time to do so!

Recently, the Institute for Luxury Home Marketing released its Luxury Market Report which showed that in today’s premium home market, buyers are in control.  The inventory of homes for sale in the luxury market far exceeds the number of people searching to purchase these ...

Buy a Home NOW Before Mortgage Rates Climb Higher

Whether you’re a buyer searching for your first home, or a homeowner looking to move up to your next home, Team Nest Builder knows you should pay attention to where mortgage interest rates are heading.

Over the course of 2018, according to Freddie Mac’s Primary Mortgage Market Survey, rates increased from 3.95% in the first week of January to 4.40% in the first week of April.

At ...

6 Simple Decorating Tricks for Your NJ Home

Ever watched “Trading Spaces” and wondered, “How do they pull together a beautiful room so quickly?”  Team Nest Builder knows! Read on for these 6 simple decorating tricks from the newly relaunched “Trading Spaces” stars.  You’ll be amazed at what a difference they make in your New Jersey home!

Let Your Heart Choose Your Art

Laurie Smith ...

Clean Your Closet and Help Sussex County Children By Donating Shoes

You know those shoes in the back of your closet that scream.”I grew up watching “Friends”’? Team Nest Builder wants to help YOU get rid of them while doing good for Sussex County children, through the Sojihuggles Children’s Foundation.

Now through May 15th, donate your gently worn, used or new shoes to help underprivileged children in Sussex County while ...

Want to avoid gaining weight? Don’t diet!

Researchers aiming to identify lifestyle factors related to weight management followed more than 4,500 young adults (average age 24) for ten years. At the end of the study period, 77% of the men and 72% of the women had gained weight. The lifestyle factors associated with no weight gain among the remaining 23% of the men and 28% of women were regular eating patterns (not skipping meals) and no ...

The 37th Annual Black Maria Film Festival Set to Arrive in Sparta this Spring

April 20, 2018

Sparta, NJ  – Train Creative is pleased to announce a showing of the 37th Annual Black Maria Film Festival at the Sparta Train Station on June 15 with a screening and Q&A, marking the first time that the film festival has been featured in Sparta, NJ.

Since 1981, the Black Maria Film Festival, an international juried film competition, has been celebrating and preserving the ...