It’s easy to get upset these days for any number of reasons. Still, hope springs eternal (even when we’ve given up hope of seeing spring). We live in a time of such grace and deference toward each other that a wimpy word like snowflake is the toughest insult that bullies can muster.  

We’ve all heard of the Bully Pulpit. That’s when somebody uses his leverage or position of influence to lecture others. I’ve never mastered the art of bullying. Maybe I don’t work out enough at the gym. Maybe I’ve been humbled so often in my life by a higher power that power-hungry bullies don’t impress me much. They’re to be pitied, not presented as paragons of anything meaningful. 

Without the Bully Pulpit at my disposal, when I’m feeling cranky, what choice do I have other than to step up to the Snowflake Stand? So, as a proud member of the Sniveling Society of Snowflakes (no relation to The Lollipop League), herewith is but a mere sampling of Reasons to be Uncheerful, Part 3.

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Who Stole the Do Not Call Registry?

Let’s have a little contest: How many unsolicited, salesy robocalls a day do you get (pitching services for online search management or health care coverage) that are thoughtful enough to offer the option to “Press 9 to be taken off this list?” Know how many I get? Too, as in too many. I’m already on the national Do Not Call list to prevent unwanted calls like these. That unenforceable registry, which was created with good intentions to protect consumers from intrusion, has been reduced to a placebo. If you think pressing 9 removes you from the caller’s list or that blocking the number stops future calls from the same, undaunted companies, I have a beautiful new bridge over the Hudson I can sell you cheap. 

I Meme, Therefore I Spam

“I think, therefore I am.” Alas, that Descartes fella is not everyone’s cup of tea. You know those too-clever-by-half graphics that rear their ugly heads on social media with text messages that spread a provable lie about a public issue or figure, or hurl a schoolyard insult at an opposing political faction? Those memes are the wanton work of folks who are more adept at using muddled shorthand to discredit disagreeable points of view than they are at thinking long and hard about the matters of the day to put forth a well-informed argument. Their memes are not expressions of well-considered political beliefs. They are posted by frustrated people who, if they ever have taken an anger management course, should ask for their money back.

There’s a Lot of La-Z-Boys at the Grocery Store

I wish I had a dollar for every shopping cart in a supermarket lot that’s left in a parking space by people who should be doing testimonial commercials for the legendary La-Z-Boy lounger. The other day, there were few vacant spots in the supermarket lot and there were two such carts in one of them. Since I couldn’t pull in to the spot without my rear end sticking out (my vehicle’s rear end, that is), I exited the car to move the carts. Then I ferried both conveyances, one nested inside the other, to the cart collection area in front of the store, muttering to myself the whole way about how inconsiderate certain people are (that’s the family-friendly version of what I muttered). I’m not trying to pass myself off as some kind of supermarket superhero, but I won’t mind if you want to call me Cartman!, with a cape fashioned from cash register receipts and coupons, able to squeeze organic produce in a single palm.

Bruce “The Blog” Apar promotes local businesses, organizations, events and people through public relations agency APAR PR. He also is an actor, a community volunteer, and a contributor to several periodicals. Follow him as Bruce The Blog on social media. Reach him at bruce@aparpr.co or 914-275-6887.