Lost In Suburbia

I Really Don’t Give a Frock

“I’m going on vacation and I need something light to wear out at night,” I told the young salesgirl in the dress department. She looked me up and down as though I’d asked for something that didn’t exist. I suspected she thought that at my age, people didn’t really go out at night anymore.

“How about a little frock?” she finally asked me.

I stared at her. I had come in for a dress. I had no idea what a frock was.

Sign Up for E-News

“Isn’t that like an apron?” I asked.

“No,” she rolled her eyes. “That’s a smock.”

“Oh. What’s a frock?” I asked her, thinking that maybe I’d slept through some new fashion trend.

“It’s a dress.”

“Then why don’t you just call it a dress?” I wondered.

“Because it’s a special kind of a dress,” she replied. “It’s a fun little flouncy dress.”

“As opposed to…”

“A more serious dress,” she clarified.

I cocked my head and wondered who had come up with this hoo-ha. I was pretty sure it was the same people who came up with rompers for adults.

Thinking about it, I recalled that when I was in fifth grade we’d read Little House on the Prairie and learned that Laura Ingalls wore a frock. Laura lived on a prairie. Laura lived in the 1800s. Laura really had no sense of style (who needs style when you live on a prairie?). Frocks clearly were not hot. So why bring back the frock? And why the frock but not the bonnet? And what about the pinafore? Clearly there were some selective fashion decisions being made by someone and it really made no sense. I needed Tim Gunn to explain all this to me.

Turning my attention back to the salesgirl, I decided to humor her and asked her to show me a frock for my vacation. She came back with a muumuu.

“That’s not a frock,” I said. “That’s a muumuu. I may not know what a frock is but I do know a muumuu when I see one.”

“It’s not a muumuu,” she protested. “It’s a maxi.”

“It may be a maxi but it’s not a frock,” I replied.

“This can be a frock, too,” she insisted.

“But it’s not fun or flouncy,” I said.

“Well, it might not be flouncy but it is fun.”

“What makes it fun?” I asked.

“It’s ombre,” She replied.

“It’s a Spanish man?” I asked.

“What?” She paused and then shook her head. “Oh. Ombre with an O. Not Hombre with an H. See how these colors blend and change? That’s ombre.”

“And that’s fun?” I asked.

“YES!”

I looked at the dress she was holding out at me. It was, according to the salesgirl, a fun ombre maxi. It wasn’t flouncy, it didn’t come with a bonnet or a pinafore, and it wouldn’t last five seconds on a prairie. But apparently, it was a frock and if I had any fashion sense, I would know I should buy it.

I reached out and took the dress and then turned the price tag over in my hands. I gasped. The dress practically cost as much as my first car.

“It’s not a frock,” I finally announced.

“Oh no?” she said. “Then what is it?”

“A ripoff.”

Become a fan of Lost in Suburbia on Facebook at facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage and on twitter at twitter.com/tracybeckerman.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Like

Sign Up for E-News

North Salem

More 9/11 Deaths

On 9/11 this year, we  mourned the deaths and celebrated the heroism of the 3,000 men and women who were killed by terrorists on Sept. 11, 2001. One hundred one residents of Westchester County were killed in the attack; 11 Putnam residents; 44 Orange County residents, and 80 more in Rockland County.

Now we are learning that many more gallant firefighters, police and other first responders ...

Fake Narratives

I was privileged this week to be introduced to the work of Byron Katie, a woman who teaches a method of self-inquiry that helps release people from the negative stories they bear. Such stories keep individuals stuck in pain and adverse emotional reactions to events, whether those events were formative for the person’s character and self-understanding or a current event.

Katie created a ...

Upcoming Events

Sat, September 23, 10:00 AM

Armonk

Armonk Outdoor Art Show

Arts & Entertainment

Sat, September 23, 1:00 PM

Lake Clubhouse, Purdys

BenFest

Arts & Entertainment Food & Drink

Sun, September 24, 10:00 AM

Armonk

Armonk Outdoor Art Show

Arts & Entertainment

Man of Letters

Author’s Note: Mom + Pop Culture are a couple of real characters. They could be you and me. Or not. Every so often, I eavesdrop on their conversations. Let’s listen in on what they’re saying right now about Pop’s penchant for writing Letters to the Editor…

MOM: Whatcha doin’ there, Pop?

POP: Writin’, Mom.

MOM: Writin’ what?

POP: A ...

A Shampoo by Any Other Name

“What’s in the bag?” I asked my mother as she got into the car. She had just come out of the hair salon and apparently had been talked into buying some high-end hair products.

“New shampoo,” she said with some excitement. “My old shampoo was terrible. It really dried out my hair.”

“What brand were you using?” I asked. She thought for a ...

Tips to Offer Children with Poor Executive Function Skill

Dana Stahl, a learning specialist and educational consultant, will address educational questions and concerns that parents may have regarding their children’s academic development and progress in school. Topics can center on how to handle homework dilemmas to what questions to ask at a CSE meeting. Questions can range from “How best do parents advocate for their children?” to ...

North Salem Police Officer Retires After 32 Years

September 20, 2017

NORTH SALEM,N.Y.--For the first time since he started working at 16, Joseph Olenik, now 59, is going to have weekends off.

A man of many hats, which have included those of fire marshal, police chief, facilities director for Weston public schools in Connecticut for the last five years, and dad to three, Olenik is ready to take just one out of the rotation in order to spend more time with his ...