Dad in the Box

May 30, 2020

The unofficial start to summer has begun and people are emerging gingerly from their Covid-free lairs like bears from hibernation. And after months living in quarantine without pants or haircuts, the question on all of our minds as we contemplate going out in public is, how is this supposed to ...

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Greetings graduating class of 2020! Woohoo! You did it! I am honored and proud to offer these unsolicited congratulatory remarks on your incredible achievement, and to provide some inspirational words of encouragement as you move on to do all of the great and momentous things you truly are meant ...

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Covid Chaos Episode #9 I took a test the other day. I took a test even though I have no symptoms. Even though I have been adequately protected. Even though I have been cautious. Even though, as a volunteer EMS responder, my direct contact with this nasty virus remains sporadic. Here is the ...

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I have recently become intrigued with the idea of starting a garden. Becoming self-sufficient. Living off the land. Wearing overalls and holding a pitchfork. Getting up before dawn to tend to the chores. Except for the getting up before dawn part, it sounds kind of appealing. doesn’t it? It ...

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It is the first, warm sunny day in May. The kind of day where budding leaves on trees unfurl before our eyes. The kind of day where flowers vibrate intense color and winter’s dormant life awakens with a long, welcome kiss of life-affirming sunlight. It is the kind of day that rejuvenates ...

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It is spring, and I need to dig a hole in my backyard. I want to plant a tree. I want to plant a tree that will grow full and tall and strong and outlive me for hundreds of years. It must be that whole circle of life thing that I somehow need to honor. Where it ends with a hole in the ground, ...

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I came to a startling scientific discovery taking a walk this morning: squirrels have really bad short term memory. Oh sure, they can survive a winter by recalling where they hid their nuts, but do they not remember that dodging cars is equally as important to their survival? I realize this ...

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I think I may have socially distanced myself from reality. I find it difficult to speak. I have a problem words putting together. I repeat myself again and again and again. I forget what I am saying and my thoughts trail off and I have trouble finishing Under normal conditions, I can converse ...

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I read that with all of this family time spent indoors, jigsaw puzzles are in high demand. Ironically, I find this puzzling because I myself am not a big puzzle person. Nor is my family. I have puzzled a few times with ill effects. After about 30 minutes my eyes begin to cross, my fingers ...

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Not having many friends, I know a thing or two about social distancing. When you are short on personality like me, it is actually quite easy to keep people at a safe distance for long periods of time. But for everyone else, I understand it can be quite a challenge. So in the spirit of really ...

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With a growing sense of my mortality, I find myself nostalgic for the old days. I mean, it seems only two weeks ago that my three kids were bouncing home from college one by one to visit and relax on their spring breaks. I remember they brought home laundry and influenza to share. I recovered in ...

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On Saturday, February 22nd, Mad Mike Hughes, limousine driver, daredevil, and rocketeer died in the cockpit of his homemade rocket. He leaves behind two cats, a garage full of used parts, and an unmarked crater in the California desert. He was 64. Mad Mike died in his quest to prove that the ...

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My house was recently designated as being “teen free”. This is because my youngest two children just turned 20. They are twins. They are both in college, away from home. I only physically see them when they come home on breaks. Turning 20 means they have run out of youthful brand names. After ...

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Sunday is the big game. And I’m not talking about the Impeachment Bowl, where the Democrat Donkeys in blue face the Republican Elephants in red in Washington’s Gridlock Stadium to play out some unsportsman-like sign stealing controversy committed during the 2019 Ukranian World Series. No, I ...

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Today’s moon is in transit. You may encounter unusual trouble with work, spirituality, sex, and love. Exercise patience in your effort to identify what has gone wrong in your life, and make changes. Now is not the time for thinking and creativity. This was my horoscope on January 1st, 2020. I ...

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house of representatives. . . Grinch: The American people deserve to know the truth. That this Santa directed his own personal reindeer to pull a flying sleigh laden with presents across the night sky on a dark and foggy Christmas eve. No one ...

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Over Thanksgiving my daughter, home from college, wanted to do something with me that would be fun, healthy, and relaxing. Perfect, I told her, thinking we could watch football, drink lite beer, and maybe fall asleep on the couch. It turns out her idea of something fun, healthy, and relaxing ...

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Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me; your help line and your IT staff, they comfort me. - Psalm 23:4. Internet Edition v2.0 After years of being beaten down by mysterious and ill-timed failures of technology, I am beginning to suspect ...

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I want to Marie Kondo my head. I want to remove all the junk in there that is no longer giving me joy. Actually, I don’t really know much about Marie Kondo, other than a vague understanding that she is the guru of decluttering. Once while surfing Netflix, I clicked on her show, Tidying Up. I ...

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I hate robots. They talk funny and have no personality. If that makes me a human racist, then so be it. I talked to a robot on the phone the other day. it was sitting virtually within the deep, dark recesses of a computer connected to the working end of an 800 number. It tried to convince ...

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I have never been waterboarded, but I can’t imagine it can be much worse than going to the DMV. This is what I was thinking as I was standing in line on the sidewalk at 11:00 in the morning. There was a line outside the DMV because there was no room inside the DMV. The inside was filled with ...

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There are lots of places I would like to visit before I die. Mars is not one of them. For starters, it would take something like nine months just to get there. I don’t have that much vacation time. And even if the travel could be whittled away by technologies yet to be invented to ...

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I need to replace my wallet. More accurately, it is a billfold, a name which blandly describes what it does. After years of riding in a dark pocket compressed mercilessly by 200 plus pounds of backside and being opened and closed many times a day, the poor thing has gotten kind of shabby. It ...

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I have never ridden in the back seat of my car. It is not high on my list of things to do before I die. Yet here I am, somewhere outside Kearney, Nebraska, wedged tight behind the driver’s seat, duffle bags and backpacks piled high on the seat to my right, a garbage bag full of oily food ...

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I am an artist. It says so on my T-shirt. My colorful shirt, which significantly inflates my position in life, confers great status. For one, it announces that I am a musical performer at the Montclair Jazz Festival. This distinguishes me from the thousands of other festival goers who only get ...

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Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well. I was harshly accused by my kids of telling a dad joke. I don’t remember what the quip was, but I am sure it was stupid. Still, this accusation really stung because my kids are well past the age of feeling embarrassed by my ...

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I am one of those guys who is inspired to action watching dramatic sporting events. For example, every four years, after watching the summer Olympics, I sign up for a gym membership. Just a couple of months ago I played a round of miniature golf after being moved by Tiger Wood’s thrilling ...

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I love being invited to exclusive events. It makes me feel special. So you can imagine my excitement when I received an invitation to participate in a class action lawsuit. No one has ever asked me to a class action before. And I missed my last high school reunion. I wonder what I should ...

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I recently had to write an obituary. For my dad. He was 92, sharp, and living in his own home. But he was succumbing to age. His knees were bad and he had trouble breathing so he hobbled when he walked and had to stop every ten steps or so to catch his breath. He was a strong man whose strength ...

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I am not sure if I ever had measles. I know I had gerbils. And a hamster once. But I don’t recall ever having measles. Of course, measles aren’t small furry animals or some popular Hasbro toy that is in short supply around the holidays. The Measles are not a Korean Pop boy band or an annoying TV ...

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