Dad in the Box

February 13, 2020

My house was recently designated as being “teen free”. This is because my youngest two children just turned 20. They are twins. They are both in college, away from home. I only physically see them when they come home on breaks. Turning 20 means they have run out of youthful brand names. After ...

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Sunday is the big game. And I’m not talking about the Impeachment Bowl, where the Democrat Donkeys in blue face the Republican Elephants in red in Washington’s Gridlock Stadium to play out some unsportsman-like sign stealing controversy committed during the 2019 Ukranian World Series. No, I ...

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Today’s moon is in transit. You may encounter unusual trouble with work, spirituality, sex, and love. Exercise patience in your effort to identify what has gone wrong in your life, and make changes. Now is not the time for thinking and creativity. This was my horoscope on January 1st, 2020. I ...

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Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house of representatives. . . Grinch: The American people deserve to know the truth. That this Santa directed his own personal reindeer to pull a flying sleigh laden with presents across the night sky on a dark and foggy Christmas eve. No one ...

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Over Thanksgiving my daughter, home from college, wanted to do something with me that would be fun, healthy, and relaxing. Perfect, I told her, thinking we could watch football, drink lite beer, and maybe fall asleep on the couch. It turns out her idea of something fun, healthy, and relaxing ...

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Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for you are with me; your help line and your IT staff, they comfort me. - Psalm 23:4. Internet Edition v2.0 After years of being beaten down by mysterious and ill-timed failures of technology, I am beginning to suspect ...

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I want to Marie Kondo my head. I want to remove all the junk in there that is no longer giving me joy. Actually, I don’t really know much about Marie Kondo, other than a vague understanding that she is the guru of decluttering. Once while surfing Netflix, I clicked on her show, Tidying Up. I ...

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I hate robots. They talk funny and have no personality. If that makes me a human racist, then so be it. I talked to a robot on the phone the other day. it was sitting virtually within the deep, dark recesses of a computer connected to the working end of an 800 number. It tried to convince ...

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I have never been waterboarded, but I can’t imagine it can be much worse than going to the DMV. This is what I was thinking as I was standing in line on the sidewalk at 11:00 in the morning. There was a line outside the DMV because there was no room inside the DMV. The inside was filled with ...

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There are lots of places I would like to visit before I die. Mars is not one of them. For starters, it would take something like nine months just to get there. I don’t have that much vacation time. And even if the travel could be whittled away by technologies yet to be invented to ...

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I need to replace my wallet. More accurately, it is a billfold, a name which blandly describes what it does. After years of riding in a dark pocket compressed mercilessly by 200 plus pounds of backside and being opened and closed many times a day, the poor thing has gotten kind of shabby. It ...

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I have never ridden in the back seat of my car. It is not high on my list of things to do before I die. Yet here I am, somewhere outside Kearney, Nebraska, wedged tight behind the driver’s seat, duffle bags and backpacks piled high on the seat to my right, a garbage bag full of oily food ...

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I am an artist. It says so on my T-shirt. My colorful shirt, which significantly inflates my position in life, confers great status. For one, it announces that I am a musical performer at the Montclair Jazz Festival. This distinguishes me from the thousands of other festival goers who only get ...

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Did you hear about the three holes in the ground? Well, well, well. I was harshly accused by my kids of telling a dad joke. I don’t remember what the quip was, but I am sure it was stupid. Still, this accusation really stung because my kids are well past the age of feeling embarrassed by my ...

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I am one of those guys who is inspired to action watching dramatic sporting events. For example, every four years, after watching the summer Olympics, I sign up for a gym membership. Just a couple of months ago I played a round of miniature golf after being moved by Tiger Wood’s thrilling ...

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I love being invited to exclusive events. It makes me feel special. So you can imagine my excitement when I received an invitation to participate in a class action lawsuit. No one has ever asked me to a class action before. And I missed my last high school reunion. I wonder what I should ...

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