It has been reported that the divorce rate in America is 50 percent for first marriages, 67 percent for second marriages, and 73 percent for third marriages. These numbers indicate that many people repeat the same mistakes over and over again. While a new relationship may look different at first, before long we are right back where we started, dealing with the same issues again, repeating the same patterns.

I recently had the opportunity to speak with Allana Pratt, a relationship coach and intimacy expert, who is the author of six books on love and relationships. We talked about why these repeating patterns occur and what we can do to create a healthy, lasting love.

According to Allana, people repeat the same mistakes when they don’t evolve from the previous relationships – when they don’t take the time to integrate the life lessons, and they don’t sit in the fire to heal their wounded hearts. She says that we play a huge role in the creation of our bad relationships, and therefore, we have the power to change the patterns.

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Allana believes that the biggest mistake people make after a breakup is rushing back into a relationship to try to soothe the emptiness inside. She advises that we turn towards the pain and our wounded parts in order to learn the lessons that were presented by the relationship that didn’t work out.

She adds that it takes bravery and humility to face our pain, and she cautions that we should seek support from someone who doesn’t judge and who can ask reflective questions that teach us to take responsibility for the choices we make.

Allana’s advice to help us create a lasting relationship:

Be mindful of thoughts and actions. Understand that vibration is everything and that it is important to create the vibration you want to attract. When a person comes from a place of desperation, he or she will attract that kind of person. Be a whole, healthy person to find a whole, healthy person.

Find your tribe. Be with communities that align with your values and beliefs. Within “your people” you will meet potential partners who are up for meaningful, deep, conscious communication that lasts. Stop dating numerous people from apps and build relationships within aligned communities.

Let go of the results. Don’t be attached to an outcome. Live your life and stop desperately searching for “the one”. Become the one to find the one. Let go of the neediness and watch what happens!