passaic-valley

Dad in the Box

February 2, 2017

Well, it is finally here.  Super Bowl LI.  Super Bowl 51.     This year the Super Bowl is expected to be watched by 100 million people worldwide over mainstream media.     If you believe in alternative facts, this number is slightly less than the number of people that attended President ...

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Let’s make America the Greatest Show on Earth Again.   I was very sad to learn that after 146 years of big-top entertainment the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus is folding its tent and leaving town.   This comes a year after the circus, due to mounting pressures from ...

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A lot of strange cars are traveling through my quiet neighborhood these days.  They are not driven by my neighbors.  Some mornings I even have trouble getting out of my driveway.   Waze. Ever since bridge repair closed a major thoroughfare near my house, the traffic on my sleepy street has ...

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If we believe news reports these days, which apparently we can’t, it seems that nothing can be believed.  We are being told that the Internet and social media has become a cesspool of misinformation dressed up as legitimate news.   It’s true.  I read it on the Internet. This so called “fake ...

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Sign here:   ________________________________   And here and here and here.  Initial these five boxes.  Then sign right here and over here stating that you understand that you are signing something you haven’t read.  And on the last page please sign and date this disclaimer stating that you ...

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This year, on our National Day of Thanks, I would like to express my gratitude for having hands. We typically don’t thank our body parts because they seldom leave us.  Most of us have not experienced unfortunate accidents or suffered the horrible consequences of war; tragic events  which might ...

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Well, It’s finally over.  And history has been made.   Yes, it’s true.  The Cubs have won the World Series.   Oh wait, that was last week. This week it was the election.      On Tuesday I anxiously stayed up way past my bedtime only to pass out and wake up the next morning ...

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I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a World Series Ticket today. We are hearing a lot about “long suffering” Cubs fans.  Mainly because it’s been 71 years since the Cubs appeared in a World Series, and 108 years since they have won one.  But the suffering comes not from the absence of wins.  The ...

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The President of the United States and a designated Military Aide with top level security clearance are riding on Air Force One.   President: Reluctantly, I have decided to drop the bomb.   Aide: Yes, sir.  You will need this.  It’s the Nuclear Football.   President: It looks like ...

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Like 80 million other Americans I watched the presidential debate the other night.  According to the news media, which supposedly fact checks bold assertions like this, the viewership numbers encroached into Super Bowl territory and was the most watched presidential debate in history.   But ...

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There can be no better feeling than hurling an uncooperative piece of electronics out a window.  It must satisfy our most basic human desire for revenge.     Oh yeah?  If you are so smart, how can you be so stupid? That’s what I would say as I watch it smash into pieces on a cold and uncaring ...

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I get all teary-eyed watching the Olympics on TV.  You  know, the human drama, the sacrifice, the dedication, the thrill of competition, the athletic lip sync murmur to the national anthem on the podium.     This year I discovered that there are many other Olympic champions besides the usual ...

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I just returned from a birthday party over the weekend.  It was totally out of control.   At least according to my dad.     It was his birthday.  He turned the big nine-oh.  That is ninety with a capital 9.    I think when you turn 90, an “out of control” birthday party has a ...

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As a rule I stay away from popular fads.  Politics included.   I find my views on the latest crazy trends that are sweeping the nation are usually wrong and completely out of touch with reality.     For example, for years I have been predicting the imminent demise of cell phones and the ...

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Given all the controversy surrounding private email servers circulating the political landscape lately, I have been thinking a lot about email confidentiality. I would share my thoughts with you, but then they wouldn’t be secure. So instead I will blind copy you so that you feel complicit in ...

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I used to think there was nothing more pathetic than a wet cat. I was wrong. A shaved cat is far more distressing. I have seen wet dogs and short-haired dogs and coiffed dogs before.  And except for absurdly groomed poodles, they still look like happy, healthy canines.  And a wet dog will ...

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A man kissed me while I was at a bar refilling my wife’s champagne glass. It is, after all, wedding season. But wait.  Let me back up.   Starting with the Trump rally in San Diego. Police are everywhere, patrolling in cars, on motorcycles, on foot.  In a predominantly hispanic ...

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Winning isn't everything, but it beats anything in second place. - William C. Bryant At 0:00 seconds, when the whistle finally blew, bedlam on an ordinary school lacrosse field in New Jersey ensued.  One side of the field erupted in deafening screams as jubilant high school girls ran to each ...

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My sixteen-year-old twins are worried that I am going to yell at them in the car. Given that they are both new drivers with learner's permits, this a probably a reasonable assumption. But I like to think that dispensing advice in the car is more like the distinction made with laughter:  I am ...

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On a day-to-day basis it makes me feel very secure to know that my teenage kids are emotionally healthy and coping comfortably well with school and life and social interactions at such an impressionable time in their lives. I know this to be true because they tell me. How was school today? ...

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I came back from vacation to some life changing news. It seems that while I was away dedicated scientists working overtime on a very important genetic study revealed the “root” cause of gray hair! (Sorry.) This is life changing because it means that if I go on vacation for a year or two, ...

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Let me just start off by saying that I do not like to cook. I suppose I could add a snarky rejoinder such as If you could taste my cooking you would understand why.  But the fact is, despite my aversion to the kitchen, I actually prepare meals admirably well.   As proof, I offer my healthy ...

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What if they threw a party and no one came? Outside of the obvious feeling of isolation, there is something kind of appealing at the thought of being the only one present at what should otherwise be a well-attended event. Certainly there would be plenty to eat, and for those of us who tend ...

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It may come as a bit of a shock, but I did not win the Powerball lottery last week.  Nor did anyone in my family.  Nor did you.  Just like that our dreams vanished and we were out $1.6 billion.  Not to mention the two dollars we spent on the ticket.  The good news is that a few lucky ...

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It’s 2016! I realize that this is not much of a revelation.  But it seems like only days ago that I woke up with a hangover and it was 2015. In truth, it was more like a week ago and I wasn’t hung over.  I woke on December 31st  with a mild headache then enjoyed a quiet New Years Eve at home ...

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Last week my friend Dana gave a kidney to someone in need. They actually refer to the selfless act of sacrificing an organ for the sake of others as a donation.  He correctly donated a kidney.  Maybe this means he can write off his kidney at the end of the year for tax purposes. And here I am ...

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I always enjoyed watching my daughter play youth soccer when she was little. Since I knew little about the game, my appreciation for her play was something that was initially hard to define.  But I soon recognized that I simply loved the way she ran; with long legs and a deep loping gait, she ...

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I don’t really care for the teams playing in the World Series this year. Opening pitch It may have something to do with being a Cubs fan.   1st Inning Whenever I watch baseball, my mind wanders.  Fanatics say there is a lot of drama and nuance deep inside the game.  I think there is a ...

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Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. —  Murphy’s Law I don’t know who Murphy was, but he sure is blamed for a lot of bad stuff.   But sometimes Murphy’s Law doesn’t hold.  Sometimes everything that can possibly go wrong goes positively right.  Which really sucks for Murphy, who when ...

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What if . . . President Trump: Welcome Your . . . say, how should I address you? Honestly, Your Holiness sounds more like Hillary Clinton’s email server. How about Your Popeliness Pope Francis: Please Mr. President, you may call me Pope Francis.   President Trump:  I should know that. My ...

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