ROXBURY, NJ – How you feeling right now? If you’re in Succasunna and you’re a little down (it being frigid and January and all) you need to get with the program.
You might not realize it, but you’re supposed to be happy if you live in Succasunna. In fact, you’re supposed to be happier than everyone in New Jersey except those living in White Meadow Lake and in Hamilton Square.
Says who? Says zippia.com, that’s who.
Zippia is a site that publishes rankings supposedly based on scientific number crunching. Today it published one titled “These are the 10 Hardest Working States in America.” Two days ago it told the world about the “10 Best West Virginia Cities and Towns to Work.”
Recently, Zippia put some figures into its magical rankings (and click-bait) extruder in an effort to determine the “10 Happiest Places in New Jersey.” Succasunna somehow came out as being the third happiest place in all of The Garden State.
Zippia said it reached this conclusion by first comparing data for “the 236 biggest places in New Jersey that weren’t townships.” These were then ranked based on the number of residents with at least a bachelor’s degree, the commuting distance to most jobs, the cost of living, the crime rate, the number of families, the number of homeowners and the number of sunny days. (Because, you know, it’s often sunnier in one New Jersey town than in another.)
“Next, we averaged the nine rankings into a Happiness Index for each place with the lowest overall Index being crowned ‘Happiest Place In New Jersey,’” wrote Zippia’s Chris Kolmar, who is Zippia's head of marketing and is described as being "a passionate internet marketer."
After finding Succasunna in the No. 3 position, Kolmar couldn’t resist finding a little happiness in the name. In fairness, though, most people can’t.
“Succasunna should probably consider renaming itself to Succa-sunshine-and-rainbows,” he (groaningly) wrote. “Well, actually, that might be a bit much, but it would be well deserved as the third happiest place in New Jersey. The community ranked well for its married families (3rd overall), crime rate (4th), and unemployment rate (6th)."
Anticipating questions by angry Succasunna residents (is that possible?), Kolmar continued:
“With numbers like that, you may be wondering why Succasunna doesn’t rank higher on the list," he wrote. "And that would be due to commute times and the cost of living. Because, you see, there are normally trade offs that must be made to reach true happiness.”
So, if you’re a Succasunna resident and you’ve been longingly wishing you could live in Kenvil, just count your blessings and get over it. Succasunna's almost as good as it gets.