Health & Wellness

Guest Column

An Affair Does Not Mean Something Is Missing at Home

Maria Sikoutris Di Iorio, Hellenic Therapy Center

Affairs happen in happy marriages as well as troubled marriages. An affair does not mean something is missing at home. It can happen at any particular life stage or in any particular pattern.

There are external stressors that push people off balance. It could be a tremendous success in career where one feels inflated and entitled, or one might be feeling inadequate in some way and it could be a boost to one’s ego, could be the birth of a child, family illness or change of living circumstances.    

There are so many reasons why people decide to stray from their commitment and responsibility. I have found through my work with couples that it oftentimes has to do with the betrayer who is looking to find something in themselves. While it might hurt that they are searching for it outside of the relationship, it does not mean they are unhappy with you. Blaming yourself, doubting self and taking responsibility for the affair is a common reaction. Thinking that “you” are the cause of an extramarital affair is an inaccurate assumption.

Sign Up for E-News

After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, intense emotions occur and it is normal for the couple to experience depression, anxiety and a profound sense of loss. The reactions of the betrayed spouse resemble post traumatic stress syndrome. Common reactions to the loss of innocence, trust and shattered assumptions include obsessing about the details of the affair, flashbacks and intrusive images. It can be extremely traumatizing for those who had the greatest trust and were most unsuspecting.

Whatever the case may be, many marriages/relationships can and do survive infidelity and many can actually become stronger and more intimate when there is a commitment, desire and want on both sides. It becomes a wake-up call that something is terribly wrong that needs to be addressed. This could be a time for re-connecting, improving communication, and learning more about each other. 

Of course, this cannot be done without first healing the pain of infidelity. Looking at the relationship as an opportunity to gain insight for both can have many benefits for self growth. Instead of calling it quits immediately, it’s best to have a good understanding of what led your relationship down this path. Leaving without knowing what actually happened, increases the probability of repeating the same pattern a second time.  

Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Ave., Scotch Plains, has a team of licensed professionals who can help you navigate through this difficult process. Counselors are available day, evening and weekend hours. Visit us or call 908-322-0112.

Editor's Note: Hellenic Therapy Center is an advertiser of TAPintoSPF. For information about advertising, contact


The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of or anyone who works for is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer. Click here to submit a Guest Column.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Scotch Plains/Fanwood

Driver Escapes Icy Waters After Car Goes Off GSP Near Clark-Cranford Border

March 21, 2018

CLARK, NJ – A car went off the road and into the river on the northbound Garden State Parkway between the Clark and Cranford exits during Wednesday night’s snowstorm.

According to Clark’s Chief of Police Pedro Matos, the car’s driver managed to escape the water. Divers went in to the river and determined the car to be empty. The sole occupant was ...

The Day After

Some years ago, the United Nations held the International Summit on Sustainable Development, here in Johannesburg. The Summit was a great success. One wonders, though, whether all the wonderful decisions and resolutions that were adopted were ever implemented. In other words, were they themselves sustainable?

Good ideas and worthwhile projects are suggested regularly. The question is, do they ...

The Role of Meal Replacements in Weight Loss

March 20, 2018

Obesity is at epidemic proportions in the United States and in other developed and developing countries. The prevalence of obesity is increasing not only in adults, but also in children and adolescents. We all know that obesity is a significant risk factor for various chronic illnesses, most importantly heart disease and diabetes, but also cancer and osteoarthritis, liver and kidney disease, ...

Fanwood-Scotch Plains YMCA (FSPY) 13 and Over Swim Team Finishes 6th at State Championship

March 21, 2018

LANCASTER, PA -- The Fanwood-Scotch Plains YMCA swim team traveled to Franklin-Marshall College in Lancaster, PA from March 9th to 11th for the NJ YMCA 13 and Over State Championships.  During this 3 day meet, 51 State Qualifiers from FSPY competed against 25 YMCA swim teams from across the state. Nineteen FSPY swimmers scored points by finishing in the top 16.

The team captured ...

Upcoming Events


Fri, March 23, 12:00 PM

Resolve, Scotch Plains

Free Teen Anxiety Group (Ages 14-17) at Resolve

Sat, March 24, 11:00 AM

Home For Good Dog Rescue, Berkeley Heights

Dog Adoption Event



Sun, March 25, 1:00 PM

Westfield Tennis Club, Westfield

Westfield Tennis Club Summer Youth Program Open ...