Health & Wellness

Guest Column

Doing Too Much for Our Children

8fbabd90ff729dce7ba1_photojoanie.jpg
Maria Sikoutris-Di Iorio, Hellenic Therapy Center
8fbabd90ff729dce7ba1_photojoanie.jpg

As parents, we all have that innate desire to protect and provide for our kids. Yet, at some point we must ask ourselves, Are we doing too much for them? 

We are all guilty of mild and extreme acts of over-protectiveness and over- parenting that can be very damaging to our children. Many parents are willing to overextend themselves in catering to their children and excessively meeting their needs.  Parents may feel surprised or resentful when their children grow up feeling unable to take care of themselves. Doing too much for our children fosters dependence not independence.  

How do you know if you are doing too much? Do you feel burned out and put upon? You can determine if you are an over-functioner if: you tend to move quickly with advice; think that the more you do, the more you love them; think you know what’s best, not only for yourself but for others; correct problems and do not allow children to struggle on their own and find their own solutions.  Parents sometimes cannot sit with their own anxiety and instead jump in too quickly to rescue and inadvertently rob their children of the skills and practice that are necessary to develop competence and mastery in life.

Children who are not permitted to think for themselves and to solve their own problems have a heightened need for attention and approval, and have difficulty dealing with expectations. They also may have a tendency to blame themselves or others, and feel responsible for the happiness of others. On the other hand, parents begin to feel resentful, overwhelmed and carry on an attitude like that of a martyr.

Sign Up for E-News

Good questions to ask yourself the next time your child asks you for something, are: “Can they do this themselves?” and “Am I doing something for them that they could learn and/or do for themselves?  If the answers are yes to both questions, then know that you are hurting them and not helping them with kindness.

At the Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Avenue, Scotch Plains, we specialize in family, individual and couples therapy.  We have a team of professionals who can guide you with parenting and family issues. Visit www.hellenictherapy.com or call 908-322-0112 for a consultation.

Editor's Note: Hellenic Therapy Center is an advertiser of TAPinto.net. For information about advertising, contact jmooney@tapinto.net.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer. Click here to submit a Guest Column.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

Sign Up for E-News

Scotch Plains/Fanwood

Sinai or Sanctuary?

 

 

And in the beginning, G‑d was homeless, and so G‑d asked His people to set Him up with some digs. Where does it say that? Well, nowhere, actually. But it does say that G‑d instructed Moses to tell the people, “They shall make for Me a Sanctuary, that I may dwell among them.”

Now the question is, was G‑d really homeless? ...

Former Cranford Mayor Endorses Nick Scutari for Democratic Chair

February 17, 2018

Dear Editor:

Having Senator Scutari lead the (Democratic) party would certainly put Cranford in a good position for resolving the issues we face such as gun control, flood mitigation and public safety.

Union County is made up of urban and suburban communities, that we need to protect. The stronger our communities are, the stronger the diversity and our being connected will be.

Senator ...

Being Alone on Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2018

Valentine’s Day is a day filled with Hallmark cards, chocolate covered strawberries, red roses and special dining.  It’s a day to express our love and affection to those close to us.  Some of us have expectations that this day will be blissful, we may even receive that diamond ring that represents engagement or marriage.

Valentine’s Day can be a wonderful time if ...

Girls Basketball: Union Catholic Will Play In Game To Support Childhood Cancer

February 18, 2018

SCOTCH PLAINS, NJ -- The Union Catholic varsity girls basketball team is honored to be playing in the Gold-Out game at Bernards High School for the third straight year, a game that will raise money and awareness for Childhood Cancer.

The event, scheduled for Saturday, Feb. 24 at 2 p.m, is called the “Gold-Out’’ game because gold is the awareness color for Childhood Cancer.

Upcoming Events

Tue, February 20, 1:00 PM

Scotch Plains Public Library, Scotch Plains

Book Club @ Scotlib: The Japanese Lover by Isabel ...

Arts & Entertainment Education

Tue, February 20, 6:00 PM

UCEDC, Cranford

Next Level Business Planning

Business & Finance

Wed, February 21, 7:00 PM

Congregation Beth Israel, Scotch Plains

Course on Biblical Interpretation Taught by ...

Education Religions And Spirituality