Health & Wellness

Guest Column

Doing Too Much for Our Children

8fbabd90ff729dce7ba1_photojoanie.jpg
Maria Sikoutris-Di Iorio, Hellenic Therapy Center
8fbabd90ff729dce7ba1_photojoanie.jpg

As parents, we all have that innate desire to protect and provide for our kids. Yet, at some point we must ask ourselves, Are we doing too much for them? 

We are all guilty of mild and extreme acts of over-protectiveness and over- parenting that can be very damaging to our children. Many parents are willing to overextend themselves in catering to their children and excessively meeting their needs.  Parents may feel surprised or resentful when their children grow up feeling unable to take care of themselves. Doing too much for our children fosters dependence not independence.  

How do you know if you are doing too much? Do you feel burned out and put upon? You can determine if you are an over-functioner if: you tend to move quickly with advice; think that the more you do, the more you love them; think you know what’s best, not only for yourself but for others; correct problems and do not allow children to struggle on their own and find their own solutions.  Parents sometimes cannot sit with their own anxiety and instead jump in too quickly to rescue and inadvertently rob their children of the skills and practice that are necessary to develop competence and mastery in life.

Children who are not permitted to think for themselves and to solve their own problems have a heightened need for attention and approval, and have difficulty dealing with expectations. They also may have a tendency to blame themselves or others, and feel responsible for the happiness of others. On the other hand, parents begin to feel resentful, overwhelmed and carry on an attitude like that of a martyr.

Sign Up for E-News

Good questions to ask yourself the next time your child asks you for something, are: “Can they do this themselves?” and “Am I doing something for them that they could learn and/or do for themselves?  If the answers are yes to both questions, then know that you are hurting them and not helping them with kindness.

At the Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Avenue, Scotch Plains, we specialize in family, individual and couples therapy.  We have a team of professionals who can guide you with parenting and family issues. Visit www.hellenictherapy.com or call 908-322-0112 for a consultation.

Editor's Note: Hellenic Therapy Center is an advertiser of TAPinto.net. For information about advertising, contact jmooney@tapinto.net.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer. Click here to submit a Guest Column.

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Scotch Plains/Fanwood

Westfield Family Continues ‘Summer of Kindness’ with Infant Clothing Drive

July 12, 2018

WESTFIELD, NJ — Westfield mom and teacher Sara Liptack is continuing her family’s “Summer of Kindess” with an infant clothing for Furniture Assist, an organization in Springfield that helps formerly homeless people, veterans, the elderly, fire victims, refugees and people fleeing domestic violence.

“I said, ‘What’s the one thing you really ...

It's Not What You Are Eating, It's What's Eating You

EMOTIONAL EATING: FEEDING YOUR FEELINGS

Emotional eating can be described as episodes of binge-eating, grazing and/or eating when not hungry to soothe feelings. Emotional eaters have a pattern of eating to cope with stress, emotional conflicts and problems of daily life.

Emotional eating is eating for reasons other than hunger. Instead of physical symptoms initiating the eating, ...

Let's Talk About Suicide

In our world today, it seems our children, no matter the town, state, education, family unit, socioeconomic background, ethnicity or religion are grappling with complex, confounding and complicated issues not even fit for a middle-aged adult. Sadly, one of these issues is suicide. With mental health gaining more attention, the stigma appears to be dissipating but when a mental health ...

What Is Your Bottom Line?

This week's Parshah (Torah reading) is the Parshah of Pinchas the Zealot: the courageous young priest who stood up against idolatry and immorality and, in the end, saved Israel from a devastating plague.

While Pinchas' radical response made him a hero worthy of having a Torah section named after him, we wouldn't necessarily suggest to our children ...

Affordable Housing Hearing In Trenton Needs Your Voice

July 16, 2018

Dear Editor:

Recently Mayor Al Smith of Scotch Plains joined the chorus of ordinary suburban New Jersey voices  who are deeply concerned about NJ overdevelopment in the guise of affordable housing.  Prominent names like Asm. Jon Bramnick, Asw. Holly Schepisi and NJ101.5 radio host Bill Spadea have also expressed concern. 

Unfortunately, I ...

When to Dial 911: Scotch Plains Rescue Squad Tip of the Month

July 10, 2018

There are many times you should call 911. If you or someone around you is in true medical distress, such as experiencing difficulty breathing, chest pains, bleeding, possible stroke, or any other serious health issues, then 911 should be called as soon as possible. If there are wires down, fire, a crime in progress, or other dangerous conditions to people or property, call 911 ...

Partnership for a Drug-Free New Jersey Encourages Family Fun with Online Fishing Tournament

July 16, 2018

MILLBURN, NJ — The Partnership for a Drug-Free New Jersey (PDFNJ) is asking families to cast their lines and reel in some quality time this summer as part of the fourth annual Don’t Get Hooked on Drugs Online NJ Family Fishing Tournament.

The competition will be held from July 27 to August 5 as a way to encourage families to enjoy a day of fishing, while giving ...