Health & Wellness

Press Releases

Telling the Story of the Affair

22527618020726ebaffc_photojoanie.jpg
22527618020726ebaffc_photojoanie.jpg

After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, intense emotions and recurrent flashbacks are normal.  Telling the story of the affair becomes the main conversation. The betrayed wants to know all the details … how, when, why, where, how many times, etc. 

Were you in love with this person? Did you say you love him/her? Was this person better than me in bed? The questions are endless and oftentimes we force the betrayer to give us all the details of the affair. 

Telling the story of the affair can inflict more pain and many times not be very useful information. It can cause ruminating thoughts, inability to sleep, depression and an obsession about the other person. Esther Perel, couples’ therapist and bestselling author, recommends: rather than asking questions that can be hurtful, and not very helpful, ask “investigative questions” to understand the motive.  Questions such as: 

Sign Up for E-News

  • What did the affair mean to you?
  • What is it about us that you value?
  • What were you able to experience that you couldn’t with me?
  • Are you glad this is over?
  • What was it like when you would come home?

Having a conversation about the affair rather than allowing it to be accusatory and punitive can lead to growth and self discovery about both of you. It can turn a crisis into an opportunity for a new truth with a new understanding.

When telling the story of the affair, be mindful that honesty and openness is essential but that doesn’t mean you must give all the details and events that can only cause more pain and heartache for years to come.

Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Ave., Scotch Plains, has a team of licensed professionals specializing in marriage therapy. They are available day, evening and weekend hours. Call 908-322-0112 or visit www.hellenictherapy.com or Facebook

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Scotch Plains/Fanwood

Sex Toys, Gay Jokes, Nepotism, Frat-Boy Pranks; Mountainside P.D. Out of Control Says Lawsuit

May 19, 2018

MOUNTAINSIDE, NJ – In a 46-page complaint packed with allegations of harassment involving sex toys, official misconduct, nepotism, hazing, double-dipping and other egregious behavior, five Mountainside police officers and a female employee are suing the borough in state Superior Court.

The complaint, filed by officers Jeffrey Stinner, Christopher Feighner, Richard Latargia, Thomas ...

Penguin Exhibit Opens at Turtle Back Zoo

May 8, 2018

WEST ORANGE, NJ — African penguins have officially joined the giraffes, lions and hyenas in the African Adventure at the Turtle Back Zoo, bringing all of the zoo’s animals from the largest continent into the same area.

Local dignitaries joined Essex County Executive Joseph DiVincenzo, Jr. in opening the new Shores of Africa Penguin Exhibit on Friday afternoon.

"Our penguins ...

Capitalist or Communist?

Karl Marx may have been the pioneer, but many other Jews were also involved in the struggle for communism, particularly in the early days of the Russian revolution. Personally, I don’t think that we have any apologies to make for this phenomenon. Having suffered unbearably under successive oppressive regimes, many of those political activists genuinely thought communism would be better ...

The Facts About Vaping

May 13, 2018

Dear Editor:

The recent public discussion about vaping and “Juuling” that occurred at our high school really opened the eyes of a lot of parents who may have been clueless about what their kids are doing to themselves. There is a lot of conflicting and confusing information available online, on YouTube and social media about the so-called benefits of vaping vs. smoking ...

Ask Maria: When Should We Step in to Rescue Our Children?

May 8, 2018

Dear Maria: 

My husband and I have been very child-focused most of our lives. We have always put our children first. Many times we have stepped in and rescued and we think it's starting to cause issues. Do you think this parenting style is damaging and what are the consequences of our behavior as they mature? How do we stop it?

Thanks so much!

ANSWER:

As parents, we all have ...

UC's Performing Arts Company Earns Prestigious Foxy Award

May 20, 2018

MONTCLAIR, NJ -- Union Catholic's Performing Arts Company received a great honor when it was chosen for the Outstanding Achievement in Choreography or Movement for its Fall Play, Peter and the Starcatcher, at Montclair State University's Theater Awards last Monday.

Ms. Jeanette Rudnicki, a 2009 graduate of Union Catholic, was the choreographer. UC senior Angeline Carlo, who lives in ...