Health & Wellness

Press Releases

Telling the Story of the Affair

22527618020726ebaffc_photojoanie.jpg
22527618020726ebaffc_photojoanie.jpg

After the devastating disclosure of infidelity, intense emotions and recurrent flashbacks are normal.  Telling the story of the affair becomes the main conversation. The betrayed wants to know all the details … how, when, why, where, how many times, etc. 

Were you in love with this person? Did you say you love him/her? Was this person better than me in bed? The questions are endless and oftentimes we force the betrayer to give us all the details of the affair. 

Telling the story of the affair can inflict more pain and many times not be very useful information. It can cause ruminating thoughts, inability to sleep, depression and an obsession about the other person. Esther Perel, couples’ therapist and bestselling author, recommends: rather than asking questions that can be hurtful, and not very helpful, ask “investigative questions” to understand the motive.  Questions such as: 

Sign Up for E-News

  • What did the affair mean to you?
  • What is it about us that you value?
  • What were you able to experience that you couldn’t with me?
  • Are you glad this is over?
  • What was it like when you would come home?

Having a conversation about the affair rather than allowing it to be accusatory and punitive can lead to growth and self discovery about both of you. It can turn a crisis into an opportunity for a new truth with a new understanding.

When telling the story of the affair, be mindful that honesty and openness is essential but that doesn’t mean you must give all the details and events that can only cause more pain and heartache for years to come.

Hellenic Therapy Center, 567 Park Ave., Scotch Plains, has a team of licensed professionals specializing in marriage therapy. They are available day, evening and weekend hours. Call 908-322-0112 or visit www.hellenictherapy.com or Facebook

TAP Into Another Town's News:

You May Also Be Interested In

Sign Up for E-News

Scotch Plains/Fanwood

Sinai or Sanctuary?

 

 

And in the beginning, G‑d was homeless, and so G‑d asked His people to set Him up with some digs. Where does it say that? Well, nowhere, actually. But it does say that G‑d instructed Moses to tell the people, “They shall make for Me a Sanctuary, that I may dwell among them.”

Now the question is, was G‑d really homeless? ...

Former Cranford Mayor Endorses Nick Scutari for Democratic Chair

February 17, 2018

Dear Editor:

Having Senator Scutari lead the (Democratic) party would certainly put Cranford in a good position for resolving the issues we face such as gun control, flood mitigation and public safety.

Union County is made up of urban and suburban communities, that we need to protect. The stronger our communities are, the stronger the diversity and our being connected will be.

Senator ...

Being Alone on Valentine’s Day

February 13, 2018

Valentine’s Day is a day filled with Hallmark cards, chocolate covered strawberries, red roses and special dining.  It’s a day to express our love and affection to those close to us.  Some of us have expectations that this day will be blissful, we may even receive that diamond ring that represents engagement or marriage.

Valentine’s Day can be a wonderful time if ...

Soccer: Union Catholic's Izzy DiDario Signs With Stevens Tech

February 17, 2018

SCOTCH PLAINS, NJ -- Union Catholic's Izzy DiDario, one of the premier high school goalies in the state, has signed a National Letter of Intent to play soccer at Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken. 

"I've been wanting to do something like this for a long time, so it's such an exciting day to make it official,'' said DiDario. "And to have all my ...

Upcoming Events

Carousel_image_ab8f5d9efb4317e5a445_hiawatha

Sun, February 18, 3:00 PM

Lawton C. Johnson Middle School , Summit

New Jersey Intergenerational Orchestra Free ...

Arts & Entertainment

Tue, February 20, 1:00 PM

Scotch Plains Public Library, Scotch Plains

Book Club @ Scotlib: The Japanese Lover by Isabel ...

Arts & Entertainment Education

Tue, February 20, 6:00 PM

UCEDC, Cranford

Next Level Business Planning

Business & Finance